Flatmate's boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hello.

Fairly simple one this - my flatmate and her boyfriend. Live in a shared house with two other people, has been the same set-up for almost two years.

Over the last year, my flatmate's boyfriend is here a lot and it's now at the point where he spends about 5 nights out of every 7 here, even sometimes being here when she is not here. I personally think that is taking advantage of the me and the other person living in the house.

Like with most couples in a house situation, they tend to take over the whole place when they do something - they're not the worst by a long shot - but his presence alone just means problems when it's too much.

I find it an awkward one to deal with because obviously she can have whoever she wants here. But as I say, it's now the majority of the time, and especially at weekends, when they have clearly designated our house as their anointed love nest. It's been getting at me for a while now, but lately it just seems to have gotten out of hand.

They're at marrying age (mid 30s) so I think that adds to the problem. They are effectively living the live of a married couple...except it's in a shared house (with me!), when he doesn't even pay rent...

Thanks for letting me moan.

Merkin

How does your other flatmate feel about the arrangement? If you both feel the same then call a house meeting asap and be totally honest about how unreasonable she is being. Would it be better if he split the bills with you or is that not the main issue, i.e. it's more him being there all the time?

Emme

I agree with the advice to talk to your flatmate about the situations. If you both feel the same decide whether it would be better to suggest they find alternative accommodation or he contributes towards the bills. Then sit down with both of them and ask them if they have alerted the landlord that there is now an extra person in the house and is he paying rent and/or contributing to the bills? The answer will probably be no. Tell them the arrangement isn't satisfactory and (depending on what you and your other single flatmate want) either the boyfriend pays his share of the rent and bills or they move into a place on their own.

LegacyUser

I would echo the advice of the poster who suggested seeing how your other flatmate feels and call a house meeting.

My boyfriend is in a houseshare and I stay over 2 nights a week, sometimes three on a very odd occasion. We don't go into the sitting room/kitchen as I feel this is overstepping the mark, it is not me who pays rent after all!

ABajaninCork

If it were me, I'd be mightily p1ssed off the BF's there and apparently has a key. If he's there more than two nights a week, then he's living there and should pay rent!

I'm with the others. Either you add his name to the lease, and I'd tell the flatmate the bills will be divided to include the extra person. Or the pair of them need to leave. And I'd also take back his key until the situation is sorted.

MJ23

Was in a situation like this before. Lived with 3 lads in college, one of them had the girlfriend over at least 4 nights a week. They'd take over the kitchen while making dinner, then leave a mess. They'd be all snuggly on the sofa, smooching and hugging each other. They both called each other "babes" it was very annoying. The walls in the house were made of paper, so everything could be heard. They even had a bath together sometimes, I could here them giggling and splashing water on each other while I was trying to watch telly in the evenings. He was a complete fool, I didn't like him at all, and I barely spoke to him. I said it to the landlord when he was collecting rent one night, he didn't seem to mind at all, as he knew yer man for years. I couldn't wait to get out of there, thank god I haven't seen that fool since. The name "babes" still haunts me.

Have a meeting and get it off your chest. You'll regret it if you don't. They're the ones who should feel embarrassed.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, you could demonstrate the point by announcing to your flat mate that you will be spending weekends with your parents and will only be staying five nights a week. Consequently you won't be paying any rent or bills.

When she asks you what you mean then you can point out that you will be doing exactly what her boyfriend is doing.

funkey_monkey

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Op, you could demonstrate the point by announcing to your flat mate that you will be spending weekends with your parents and will only be staying five nights a week. Consequently you won't be paying any rent or bills.

When she asks you what you mean then you can point out that you will be doing exactly what her boyfriend is doing.

Thats a bit passive aggressive. Sound out the other flatmate for backup and then if (s)he is with you then call a meeting and lay out your cards.

ShowMeTheCash

Yeah same thing happened to me, house mates girl more or less moved in without so much as a "hey my gf is moving in" a few nights of watching hard core pornography in the main sitting room soon sorted that out!!!!

I later developed a porn addiction and dropped out of uni...

Emme

Johnny Come Early wrote: »

... even sometimes being here when she is not here. ...

That alone implies that he should be paying rent.

Santa Cruz

You could always be an adult, spell out the problem, spell out your solution and if they don't agree go off and get your own place.