Problem "Relative"

swiftblade

I'm a bit lost here on what to do. While many people could probably hold up their hands and say, "Not my problem", I can't do that.

To put a long story short, my sister is married to a dick. There's no other word for him. He's constantly insulting her and putting her down. I don't know however if it has gotten physical, though I wouldn't doubt it.

This recently flared up today, when their car broke down. He stormed off, which he does on a regular basis, leaving her stranded with the kids. To quote him, "It's your problem." Pretty much sums up his character.

What can I do, if anything? I realize he isn't breaking any laws, but I have to do something. Am I over-thinking this?

Any help appreciated guys.

Boombastic

Tbh stay out of it. It's your sisters choice to stay in the relationship and I don't think you'll be thanked for getting involved.

swiftblade

Boombastic wrote: »

Tbh stay out of it. It's your sisters choice to stay in the relationship and I don't think you'll be thanked for getting involved.

I know, but it's making me so angry. She's just so used to it, she barely sees that anything is wrong. I would hate to stand by idly, then for something to happen.

Boombastic

swiftblade wrote: »

I know, but it's making me so angry. She's just so used to it, she barely sees that anything is wrong. I would hate to stand by idly, then for something to happen.

It will be difficult. You could let your sister know you would be there to support her and the children if she leaves him. You could pick up on any comments he makes in front of you about your sister and express that you think it's inappropriate. You could take the children out more often so they don't have to witness the verbal abuse. Apart from that I'm not sure. Thread carefully though, you could be painted the bad lad and your sister could drift further towards him and away from you, leaving her more isolated.

swiftblade

To be honest, he's a big guy. I wouldn't be one to confront him. It's just a sh*tty situation.

I'll take your advise on board though. I'm not going to let anything slide anymore. He says something and I'm speaking up. :mad:

freshpopcorn

You could talk to your sister and tell her that if ever gets to much for her that they would be loads of people their to support her.
Does your sister find that their is a major problem tough? She might love the guy and she has accepted that he occasionally has bad moods and she's willing to live with it. All couples have the odd fight. He might just be a bit dramatic the way he storms off.

swiftblade

freshpopcorn wrote: »

You could talk to your sister and tell her that if ever gets to much for her that they would be loads of people their to support her.
Does your sister find that their is a major problem tough? She might love the guy and she has accepted that he occasionally has bad moods and she's willing to live with it. All couples have the odd fight. He might just be a bit dramatic the way he storms off.

I think that is the case. As was said before, I guess it is her choice. I just can't understand it.

freshpopcorn

swiftblade wrote: »

I think that is the case. As was said before, I guess it is her choice. I just can't understand it.

I know you mightn't be happy but if your sister is then that's what counts to her. Sometimes it can be hard for people looking into someone else's relationship to understand how another couple works!

P. Breathnach

In general, you should not interfere in other people's relationships.

But it seems possible that your sister is the victim of domestic abuse (that could be the case even if he is not physically violent). That's a special class of problem, because it is extremely difficult for victims to re-take control of their lives. Yet there is little you can do, because it would be wrong - tactically wrong - for you to try to help her by trying to take a direct hand in the situation, even to the limited extent of "speaking up" as you propose to do.

If she is the victim of domestic abuse, what is needed is for her to decide that she wants the abuse to end. If she reaches that point, she will need support - again, not to take control of the situation for her, but to enable her to take control of her own life. The word the professionals use is "empowerment": she needs to feel that she has the power to manage her situation. She might need you as a prop, as a cheerleader for her, as a provider of psychological and practical help, as all sorts of things except as her knight in shining armour or her manager. She will need to take charge.

Make sure that she knows that you are there for her and for her children.

keithclancy

TBH OP, your probably best to stay out of it.

You never know what goes on behind closed doors and your own sister might be a completely different person when on her own with her husband

Just be there for her if she asks for help but don't stick your OAR in and she may turn on you regardless of if the situation is as it seems or not.