Depressed Friend Am I wrong to be annoyed

LegacyUser

As the title says a good friend of mine is quite depressed. The last few months I wouldn't hear much from her, she is busy in work but I always thought there was something up with her. the last couple of nights we have went out she has got quite drunk, she got thick wit me one night because I was messing we were in the bathroom and I'd flicked a bit of water, tiny amount at her obviously it was resolved but she said that night that she thinks we slag her off behind her back. We don't were in our late 20s and a bit old for that crap. We were out recently I wasn't drinking and she proceeded to tell me how depressed she is and is so unhappy in her life and feels she needs to talk to someone , as in a counsellor. I told her she should and that I've been seeing one and its helpful. I haven't heard from her since. I send her mags on FB when she was on and text her saying I know she's busy but she has friends who genuinely care and worry about her and just to let me know she's okay. Am I wrong for feeling pissed off, maybe she's sorry she said when she was drinking that's fair enough. I'll be there 100 percent if she needs to talk or wants support or if she doesnt but to say those things and just ignore me when I'm concerned about her I'm just annoyed about it.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I'd say call her. Or visit her. Sometimes texts can look a bit like you just want to pretend to be concerned but aren't (even though I have no doubt that you are).

MissFlitworth

If she's depressed and she's paranoid that her friends are talking behind her back she could be absolutely floored that she told you about her depression. You're not wrong to be annoyed, as in upset that she's disappeared, but you should probably be understanding of the fact that she might not be able to face you at the moment, she's not doing it to hurt you or to be a bad friend she just can't help herself

Esoteric_

I can understand you being annoyed at her.

At the same time, I can completely see it from her perspective. At the moment, I'm in the process of returning to counselling and may have to go back on medication due to my mental health not being great right now (previously I was a year or more free from any treatment and was doing really well and was very happy).

Honestly, the very last thing I want is to see my friends or even talk to them. My friends are like you in that they'll text me to check that I'm okay, but they also accept that a lot of the time, I won't reply, or it might be a week until I reply, because I simply don't want to talk to anyone.

When you're depressed, it's a mammoth effort to get out of bed, shower, eat and go to work, let alone talk to people (even friends) when all you want is to be alone and wallow.

I know Princess CBH suggested calling her, but tbh she probably won't answer if she's not responding to texts or FB messages.

I can completely understand why you're annoyed and honestly, I've also been in your position and I found it very annoying too! But all you can do is be there, accept that at the moment, she's not going to be around much or be very communicative, and just be ready when she comes back to you (which she more than likely will).

You're doing the right thing in texting her. Sometimes, although I haven't been replying to my friends' texts very often lately, they're the thing that keeps me going and convinces me that I'm right in seeking help.

You're a good friend to her. It's natural that her ignoring you is going to annoy you. You might get sad, annoyed, even properly angry with her over it. But you're doing the right thing in trying to maintain the contact, even if she isn't reciprocating at the moment.

heretochat

Went through a similar sort of thing myself a couple of years ago following the death of someone very close to me..

Like others have said, I wouldn't reply to texts, wouldn't answer calls and found it extremely difficult to face the days..

It was only after counselling that I was able to drag myself back into the real world and appreciate the support that people were giving me..

While I used read the texts I never really took any of them on board. But after treatment I was able to read back on them and really appreciate the way people were concerned and offering support..

So I would say keep dropping her the texts and messages etc. She will appreciate them when the time is right

Merkin

If going through depression, a person tends to push people away though feelings of shame/inertia/and basically the lack of desire to interact with anyone. If she is feeling paranoid, I do think a face-to-face chat might help. A text can look perfunctory while actually taking the time to pop in and have a coffee with her or watch the X factor might be more beneficial to her. Who not suggest that you call round during the week? She may say no but it may also do her the world of good, especially if she's a bit paranoid at the moment. I know it's frustrating but try not to let it anger you, she can't help being like this and her ignoring you/pushing you away is nothing personal whatsoever.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for the advice. I suppose it's frustrating because when we do meet on a night out recently she gets extremely drunk and there's no talking to her. Then she'll say these things and you won't hear from her. She's fallen out with close friends because of her behaviour. I just want her to go and see someone or get herself back to how she used to be, but I KNOW I can't make her and she ultimately has to help herself. I just wish there was something I could do.

heretochat

Annoyedfriend wrote: »

Thanks all for the advice. I suppose it's frustrating because when we do meet on a night out recently she gets extremely drunk and there's no talking to her. Then she'll say these things and you won't hear from her. She's fallen out with close friends because of her behaviour. I just want her to go and see someone or get herself back to how she used to be, but I KNOW I can't make her and she ultimately has to help herself. I just wish there was something I could do.

This is it in a nutshell.. And she is the only one who can make that move when she is ready.

In the meantime keep offering the support.

LegacyUser

Will do, thanks for the advice. Spoke to her briefly by text and she's looking at getting signed off work, she's stressed out there. Haven't brought up our conversation and don't intend to, she might not want to talk about it.