supporting my boyfriend giving up smoking

writer_lady170

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend has decided to give up smoking, he's going cold turkey on them after 18 years of smoking next week. I'm not a smoker myself but i do realize that it will be very hard for him, i was wondering if anyone has any suggestions how to keep him distracted from thinking about smoking and in general support him through it? we don't live together but see him twice a week

Thanks in advance

Rosy Posy

I've gone through this with my oh several times (fingers crossed its for good this time). IMO the best thing you can do is to be patient. He'll probably not be in the best form for a week or so.

I made my oh biscuits and bought him snacks that he particularly likes.

He found that in the first few weeks he couldn't have more than a couple of pints without caving so it might be nice to arrange activities for the weekends that don't involve alcohol.

If you are going out try to avoid places where everyone just sits out in the beer garden all night. Make sure to keep him company inside when people do clear out for a smoke.

Encourage him without being patronising or nagging.

I don't know if he'd be into it but yoga/meditation/breathing exercises can be really helpful. Try to encourage him to be in the moment. Instead of thinking 'I can never smoke again' get him to focus on not smoking this cigarette right now, he can have a drink of water take a few deep breaths and wait 5mins and if he still absolutely has to have one then he's free to do so. Chances are that delaying will remove the urgency of the craving and allow him to strengthen his resolve.

Best of luck to him and you op!

username123

I gave up almost 2 years ago after 20+ years being a smoker.

What I felt really helped me was my husband would diffuse my anxious rattiness by making a joke about it - the favoured joke was the "lovely fags" one from Father Ted where he would pretend to be a giant cigarette standing at the end of the bed with his arms by his sides bending from the waist - never failed to crack me up.

Mostly just being normal helped though, try not to focus on it, distraction is a lot better. And try not to be overly critical of various phases that happen (like initially maybe chewing a lot of gum or eating a lot of mints or whatever - it passes).

Just remember, after 3 days the absolute worst is over, and after 3 weeks things begin to totally normalise for the smoker (your brain gets tired of thinking "smoke smoke smoke smoke" in that time and just returns to being normal with intermittant "smoke" thoughts).

And be supportive about avoiding alcohol for a bit and come up with creative alternatives, meals, theatre, walks on beaches, whatever...

HalloweenJack

I gave up at the end of April and my GF has been a great help.

She never brings it up but when we do talk about it (if it's brought up in another way), she reassures me that I'm doing the right thing, health wise and money wise and she tells me that although she doesn't mind smoking (both her parents smoke and she'll have the odd one), she's very proud of me for quitting and sticking to it. This is a great help and definitely pushes me on.

Reassurance and attention when he's tempted would be my advice, it works for me.

bumper234

Get the quit now app. This shows how much you have saved etc and is a great motivator.

Here's mine and it would kill me to see them go back to 0000. Also i smoked roll up's if i had smoked "real" cigarettes my money saved would be over 6k


Since 1 Jul 2012:
427 days smoke free,
12,820 cigarettes down,
€2029.83
53 days, 10:00:00 saved!

writer_lady170

Cheers for all your replies and suggestions:)

He'll be smoking his last one today or tomorrow so he'll be over the worst of the withdrawals by the time I see him. In the meantime trying to support him and keep his spirits up. When we do see each other, I'll try not to take it to heart if he's cranky!

blatantrereg

He'll be very irritable for a little while. Make allowances for that. He might consider spending the second/third day by himself. Major reason for failing to quit is realising that you are being very snappy etc.

Definitely good idea not to drink for a couple of weeks. Physical activity and spending time outdoors will be helpful.

banquo

He'll be more hungry than usual, so if you shop together make sure to stock up on extra snacks and sandwich material.

He might fall off the wagon a few times, but if he's strong he'll stick it out.

(And don't be disappointed in him if he fails - it is unbelievably hard to do.

kylith

Doe he have any hobbies that keep his hands busy? I smoke myself but when I'm crocheting I don't notice any cravings because my hands are occupied and my brain is busy. Having something he could pick up and fidget with might be handy.

Gannicus

banquo wrote: »

He might fall off the wagon a few times, but if he's strong he'll stick it out.

(And don't be disappointed in him if he fails - it is unbelievably hard to do.

This is very true. If he does fall off the wagon encourage him to get back on. I had a GF who would give out to me or argue with me and it didn't help at all. I was already in a touchy moody frame of mind due to going cold turkey and craving smokes a lot. I'd find I then smoke out of spite to her aswell as feeding my craving.

If he mentions wanting a smoke or says he's going to have one after a few pints use positive reinforcement and remind him of how well he is doing regardless of how long its been (1 day, 1 week, 1 month).

writer_lady170

kylith wrote: »

Doe he have any hobbies that keep his hands busy? I smoke myself but when I'm crocheting I don't notice any cravings because my hands are occupied and my brain is busy. Having something he could pick up and fidget with might be handy.

he plays a lot of games on his computer, seems to keep his hands busy & his mind as well, i suspect he'll be doing a lot of that in the next few days to keep his mind off his cravings.

thanks for all your other replies:)

Xantia

look at whyquit.comHere
and HERE
Also consider some Nicotine Replacement Therapy or ecig if that works for him

Queen-Mise

smiler_lady150 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend has decided to give up smoking, he's going cold turkey on them after 18 years of smoking next week. I'm not a smoker myself but i do realize that it will be very hard for him, i was wondering if anyone has any suggestions how to keep him distracted from thinking about smoking and in general support him through it? we don't live together but see him twice a week

Thanks in advance

Non-serious suggestion: Go somewhere for two weeks without him. Hide:D

Serious suggestion: he will have to use some replacement product for a little while, so patches, e-cigs, inhaler pipe, something. There is a ridiculously high statistic of people who don't use an aid who go back smoking - I think it is 95 or 97%.

He will put up weight after giving up. So for the next few months, decide YOU want to tone up and get him to go out with you. Healthy food/snacks in the house. Lots of cold bottles of water in the fridge.

Try not to let him in the habit of eating a couple of biscuits with a cuppa rather than a cig. It will be awkward alright. Make sure the fruit bowl is overflowing for the next month or two.

Challenge him to do Insanity with you - not that is fun and insane.