Hoarding.

Reely

My dad has been through the wars in the past couple of years, my mam left him, my brother died, his business is gone to ****, debt, and I imagine complete lonliness and depression although he hides that well from me.

He's an awesome, strong and very loving person, but he has just let go of everything. He doesn't take care of himself, eating ****, drinking (not excessively but more than ever), smoking and he's become a complete hoarder. The house is an absolute disgrace. Like stuff, random compeletly unneeded crap. Everywhere. I've tried throwing stuff out, but he just brings it back in again, I've tried telling him how much its upsetting me but he says I'm being stupid, I dont live there so it shouldn't bother me.

I'm literally at my wits end with it and have no idea what to do. I've asked him to get help but he says he will, but then never does. I feel like if the house was clean and clutter free it might make him take stock and start dealing with things and making more of his life.

Any ideas on how to help would be hugely appreciated.

Thanks

username123

I dont know the in's and out's of the mentality of a hoarder specifically but I would say to treat this as you would any other mental health issue.

Intervene, preferably with other family members/people who care about him. Tell him that you are all concerned about his mental health, his behaviour is ringing alarm bells, and that he needs to seek medical help, ie, he needs to speak to his GP.

judgefudge

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I would imagine that once you have spoken to him about your concerns, you should leave him to it.

Obviously we all want the best for our parents but if it's his choice to live like this, and you don't live with him, maybe it's best to leave it. I mean by all means urge him to get counselling or something. But beyond that I don't know how much you can do.

Reely

Thanks for replying.

Yeh, I guess my real question is how do you get someone to go to counselling? Or can you?

Reading back over that, I'm thinking you can't. They have to want to do it. Ugh, what a **** situation.

username123

Ultimately, unless a person is a danger to themselves and/or others there is not much that can be done, unless they themselves want to do it.

However, you can change your own behaviour and tell your father that you cannot go to his home because you feel very uncomfortable there (for example). Sometimes when a persons behaviour has negative consequences for them, they are more willing to change it.

You might be best off talking to a medical professional yourself about it. Ask for advice off someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

P. Breathnach

Some hoarding habits are quite harmless, albeit very irritating to family members. If he is keeping newspapers, empty bottles, plastic food containers, and stuff like that he could quickly clutter a house up. But if he washes things before adding them to his hoard, he is unlikely to attract flies or vermin.

Rather than trying to dump stuff, which he doesn't want you to do, you might try to put a bit or order on things. Then you might find opportunities to make his hoard useful ("My neighbour wants to make jam, and needs about 20 jars."; "My workmate wants to take cuttings from his garden, and a few dozen of those yogurt tubs would be very useful to him.").

fiona-f

Sign up yourself for flylady.net to understand the mentality of hoarding - it can be insecurity, depression, simply not knowing how to care for a home... Her website explains it brilliantly and gives you babysteps to tackle each day, focusing on a habit until it becomes ingrained.

It is.very schmaltzy American in tone though so maybe not best for an older Irish man but try to get him to see past that - if you can 'translate' her method into a way he can understand, it will really help.

Typer Monkey

Hoarding is generally an outward manifestation of psychological distress and it's causes and treatment can be quite complex. There's a channel 4 programme on it that's quite interesting. You should be able to find it on the 4OD app. If I remember correctly it's called The Hoarder Next Door.

As a poster stated above you'll have to treat it as if he was depressed/drinking too much etc and encourage him to seek help from a medical professional as it's not going to get better by itself