Am I wasting my time?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I met a girl about 5 months ago. At first, we were friends, but there was always a flirty element behind it. After a while she asked me out and we went for a few drinks and all went well. Saw each other a few times after and both of us felt like things clicked and we both really liked each other.

All of a sudden, she goes cold. Still talking to me, but where as before, it'd be every day, now it's once or twice a week. Cancelled on me a few times, etc.

I spoke to her about it and she said she had some personal issues and wasn't able for a relationship but still wanted to go out with me and only me, and for me to only go out with her.

But it's all on her terms. I don't see her unless she decides she wants to, I don't speak to her unless she decides she wants to (and yes, I've tried to initiate contact so many times, and have asked when she's free, but I'm ignored unless she's in the mood to talk).

The personal issues she spoke to me about are real and I understand why nothing too serious can develop yet. But she asks me to wait for her and promises it'll get better.

Am I wrong in thinking that, regardless of personal issues (because lets face it we all have personal issues of our own), if she wanted to be with me, shed be with me? Heads wrecked with this.

strobe

Unless you're happy to conduct this kind of a not really relationship with her and completely on her terms (you're clearly not), then you have to let her know that.

My advice would be to tell her how you feel, that you aren't happy for things to continue as they are. To be honest, I think she has some bloody cheek to expect you to wait around for her call and jump when she says when she doesn't even get back to you when you initiate contact. Sounds like she's using you man, and probably keeping her options open - you on her hook, waiting around and not seeing anyone else, jumping to attention when she needs the whole 'boyfriend experience' to make hrrself feel good, while she does whatever she wants basically. Life's too short, there's circa 3.5 billion other women in the world, most better than this one.

heretochat

animalrescue wrote: »

But it's all on her terms. I don't see her unless she decides she wants to, I don't speak to her unless she decides she wants to (and yes, I've tried to initiate contact so many times, and have asked when she's free, but I'm ignored unless she's in the mood to talk).

The personal issues she spoke to me about are real and I understand why nothing too serious can develop yet. But she asks me to wait for her and promises it'll get better.

These are obviously real personal issues that this girl has and it is to your credit that you understand that she doesn't want a relationship at this time.

The "all on her terms" bit is the one that would lead me to advise caution on your part. You can't be left like a puppet on a string dancing to her tune.

It sounds like you are really into this girl but you need to ask yourself how long you are prepared to wait in the wings for her to decide that she wants a relationship with you, personal issues aside.

Only when you are able to answer this question will you be able to either wait patiently and keep offering support, or decide that you are being strung along and move on.

thegreatgonzo

If she's cold and ignoring you it sounds bad. We all have personal problems from time to time but if she really wanted you in her life she'd let you in a bit more. That's my opinion (and I'm female btw).