Dating Query

LegacyUser

Hi, I met up with a guy who I met online last week and we got on really well. We went on a night out and spent the night laughing and kissing, he initiated most kissing. Walked me to the taxi rank and off home I went.

The next morning I received a text saying he had a brilliant night and that he was dying to see me again as he thought I was a lovely girl.

The next date is soon approaching but he said something in text which left me kind of dumbfounded. He said he was really looking forward to travelling next year. Why would you start dating someone if you intend on going travelling? Does this mean that he's not interested in the possibility of a relationship ever happening? Is it his way of telling me "look, I'm not really interested in you, but I'm up for the odd date night"?

He's a cute guy, we've loads in common and we get on great but I don't want to continue dating someone if it's definitely not going to go somewhere.

Both mid/late 20's btw.

Get some more information about travelling. That could mean anything from going away from a week to going away for a year. Don't worry too much about it until you talk to him some more about it.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Get some more information about travelling. That could mean anything from going away from a week to going away for a year. Don't worry too much about it until you talk to him some more about it.

He said travelling "for the year" and he even asked me if I had any suggestions about where he should go!

Also I don't want to ask him what he meant by it as I don't want to come across as desperate when it's such early days! It has really made me wary though.

Merkin

Am I right in thinking you've only had one date with this chap? And why on Earth are you dumbfounded?

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

Am I right in thinking you've only had one date with this chap? And why on Earth are you dumbfounded?

Yes, one date.

We texted each other every day for about two months previous to that which is a long time before meeting, so when we met up it felt like we had known each other for months!

Of course I realise that it's only one date! Obviously (I'm not a weirdo ha!) but I just think that perhaps he would have mentioned travelling during those two months of texting, no? Seems a bit out of the blue to mention it a few days after we meet up? i.e let me down gently.

_dublinlad_

Maybe stop assuming things? Ask him next time you speak to him what his travelling plans are exactly. Proceed from there.

desbrook

As said above you need to get an idea of what he meant by " travelling" . He might have meant holidaying with you - in time . There even might be a bit of BS going on . Go easy on him if it is . Nearly everybody on OD " loves travelling" and is a gym bunny if you believe the profiles !

If he is heading off to Asia for 9 months in January and it's 100% definite then fine - don't waste your time and move on .

heretochat

I would think to give the lad his dues he is being upfront with you about his future plans. He could have messed you around for months and then dropped it on you. To my mind that would leave you in a far worse position as you would be more emotionally invested in him.

I suppose he is giving you the option of ducking out now if that is what you want.

After all, depsite the couple of months of texting you have only been on one date with the guy..

LegacyUser

heretochat wrote: »

I would think to give the lad his dues he is being upfront with you about his future plans. He could have messed you around for months and then dropped it on you. To my mind that would leave you in a far worse position as you would be more emotionally invested in him.

I suppose he is giving you the option of ducking out now if that is what you want.

After all, depsite the couple of months of texting you have only been on one date with the guy..

I completely agree with you. He's a very decent guy.

I think you're missing my question though

I'm wondering why he didn't mention it during those two months of texting. Sure we definitely spoke of countries and where we'd love to travel etc. I'm wondering if he went on a date with me, was a bit disappointed, and now he's saying he's going travelling as a way of letting me down gently? I'm a hopeless romantic hence my thought process!

op_here

op_here wrote: »

I completely agree with you. He's a very decent guy.

I think you're missing my question though

I'm wondering why he didn't mention it during those two months of texting. Sure we definitely spoke of countries and where we'd love to travel etc. I'm wondering if he went on a date with me, was a bit disappointed, and now he's saying he's going travelling as a way of letting me down gently? I'm a hopeless romantic hence my thought process!

You are seriously going to drive yourself mental thinking like this.
Will you stop making up mad scenarios in your head and ask him
Maybe he didn't tell you before because it was none of your business. Maybe he's telling you now and asking where to go because he might ask you along if things go well. Maybe someone dropped a brochure on his lap last week and he's decided he wants to go travelling - he doesn't even have anything booked, you said so yourself

Stop agonising, start asking

Merkin

op_here wrote: »

I completely agree with you. He's a very decent guy.

I think you're missing my question though

I'm wondering why he didn't mention it during those two months of texting. Sure we definitely spoke of countries and where we'd love to travel etc. I'm wondering if he went on a date with me, was a bit disappointed, and now he's saying he's going travelling as a way of letting me down gently? I'm a hopeless romantic hence my thought process!

Possibly. It could be anything. I'm sorry but I think you really are being way too intense. Regardless of being pen pals for two months, you've met the chap once. For a few hours. You don't actually know him and you're setting a lot of store by one single date, regardless of how much you feel you connected.

Why not just see what happens? You're obviously already doing your own head in hypothesizing on what it all means and imagining the effect this would have on your imagined collective future but I really think you're jumping the gun here. Why not meet him again, go and enjoy yourself and ask him about his travel plans? Keep it light. I wouldn't go quizzing him too intensely either. If you want to know his itinerary and consequently his exact reasons for being on the dating site then the subtext is basically asking him of his intentions. Not cool on a second date. As mentioned above, he may have just decided or this might have come to him in a thunderbolt. Just ask him. Above all else go and enjoy the date. You might realise after a few dates that he's a total plonker so don't go bemoaning lost opportunities etc when you don't even know the chap yet.

ShaShaBear

I do agree with other posters in that you are being too intense and wound up over this OP - you seem to be dodging around actually asking him what his plans are because you are afraid of what he is going to tell you. Obviously over those two months of constant texting, which makes you feel like you've known him for ages, you have invested more of yourself into this potential relationship than he has, and you don't like to see that ruined by the possibility of him going away.

On the other hand, I can totally see where you are coming from regarding the travelling bombshell. I personally cannot understand why anyone would start dating if they knew they planned to leave the country for a lengthy amount of time. It's putting an instant expiration date on the relationship, and men seem to forget when it comes to long distance, or the woman still being available when they get home, that we don't have as much time to waste when looking for someone to settle down with.

I was with a guy just like this only three years ago and he just jumped me with the travelling bomb about three weeks after we decided to take our three-month casual dating to being in a public relationship (at his insistent request). I continued to date him, foolishly, thinking he might hold off until I could go with him, or that (since he went from wanting a FWB to wanting me and no-one else) he would develop feelings for me that would change his mind about leaving. After a year, he still planned on going, and I told him that it was over. He actually asked me if I would wait for him. I asked if he meant long distance and he said "No, I don't want to be in a relationship over in Canada, but I would think if you loved me you'd still be single when I get back".

He's coming back next November, about two weeks after I will be married. He's in for a shock