How to deal with bad group of people

LegacyUser

Hi
If anyone has any advice on this I would appreciate it because I am just at the end of my tether. I work in a small enough place and meet up for breaks etc with a group of lads I know, they are work acquaintances but we meet up a fair bit outside work as well, we're all around the same age.

Most of this group are sound but the problem is 2 or 3 of them are very difficult to deal with
E.g. running joke about my girlfriend being a dog, to my face, as in "How are the dogs? haha" (I have an actual dog). And just a lot of stuff said right in front of you like "Jesus if you're off on holidays how will I stick until next week with this lot?"... (to someone else, referring to me and another guy) and all this at the same time wrapped up in an otherwise good friendship, which makes it very strange. Just really insulting stuff for no reason. Don't want to be overly sensitive but still - there's a limit.

Plus the fact that lately it has actually become REALLY condescending and hostile to the point where I have to bite my tongue. Everything I say is just f*cking seized upon and ridiculed, it's ridiculous (it's not confined to me either).
This is only from one person but it's still enough and it's hard enough to deal with. We used to work with a guy that was a very manipulative and nasty piece of work, really egotistical but showed a very different (but nicer) face to people he wanted to get along with and I think these guys never changed from that mentality (he left subsequently). I could go on and on about this but it comes across as people that get off on using others as hangers on. If you ask them about their 'real' friends you'll get a face that more or less says F off

This does not apply to all of them which is what makes it difficult. I don't want to ignore people I get with well so I don't know what to do - and plus I can't avoid them at work.. Don't know what to do at this stage because I can't really move job for the time being.

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I would personally ask them to repeat what they've said, because it always sounds even dumber the second time and less "funny". So, the next time they say to you, "how are the dogs?" Say "sorry?" And if they say it again, ignore it and carry on with your conversation.

I would actually consider just not bothering with them to be honest, yeah it might suck being on your own on breaks ect but at least you wouldn't be ridiculed

heretochat

Agree with Lexi.. If they are that bad why bother with them at all? I would rather sit in the corner on my own on breaks than listen to someone bad mouth my girlfriend, insult me etc. Do you ever stick up for her at all? If they keep being let away with it, they will keep pushing the boundaries..

The likes of those people are shallow show-offs with very little behind the facade of the attention seeker.. You can be sure they have no real friends of their own, girlfriend etc..

Next time they insult your girlfriend ask them how their girlfriends are..

freshpopcorn

I know a good few lads who act like this as well and my opinion to them is it's just the way they are. It's just their personalities. There not my friends so I don't really bother with them. Getting upset about these comments isn't going to help yourself.

LegacyUser

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I know a good few lads who act like this as well and my opinion to them is it's just the way they are. It's just their personalities. There not my friends so I don't really bother with them. Getting upset about these comments isn't going to help yourself.

This sounds to me like typical "hard men" slagging banter.

Ever seen the inbetweeners? The boys have regular similar interactions that sound vile and incredibly rude but are not really meant to be taken to heart.

I've worked in a similar environment myself and I laughed the slagging off and gave back as good as I received but I noticed very often the couple of guys who couldn't take it got the vast majority of slagging, as the others knew they wouldn't have a comeback and seemed to see this as them 'winning', making them look the hardest.

I think you need to have a few comebacks about their own girlfriends or lack thereof, have a few prepared so you can reply quickly and it might put them in their place a bit and if they see it's not bothering you they'll likely tire of picking on you.

In general though this is very common amongst certain groups of guys and I think you're thinking into it too much.

Lux23

I can take any slagging, grew up with awful messers for parents! I think the best way to deal with people like this is to slag them back.

So next time they say something like 'how's the dogs' say back oh grand, they were saying they met your Missus down the groomers!

And if that doesn't work just listen and find a chink in the armour. Everybody has one.