Living relationship through sister

LegacyUser

I feel like I'm living my relationship through his sister. We're in our early twenties and together short of two years.


She doesn't like me. I don't know what I've done, but she doesn't. She makes snide comments, such as; 'oh, because you didn't come to this festival, *Liam (my boyfriend) didn't go either. And you probably didn't go because you don't like me.'
To be honest, I didn't go because I hadn't got the money, and it seriously 100% wasn't my sort of thing. I didn't want to waste 100 euro, I haven't got a job and I'm a student like. And I did tell my boyfriend to go, but he said he's been the past few years and he wanted to give this year a miss.

Also, we were on a night out recently, us and her, when she pulled him aside and spoke for five minutes about something. He told me afterwards it was about me, but not what it was about as it wasn't really my business.

She also told me before (on another night out, while my boyfriend was chatting to someone else) that it'd be okay if we broke up, as we're both still young. And that if I ever hurt her brother I'd be in serious trouble.

My boyfriend gives her details about our sex life, which I've found incredibly uncomfortable. He says he doesn't mean to, but she'll keep asking until he answers.

Or my college degree is a waste of time. Yes she's said it. I should've studied science like her brother, because he'll get an amazing job. Maybe so, but I like my course.

I don't know.. Maybe there's been a bit of misunderstanding somewhere. I have told my boyfriend a few things of what she's said, but not everything. Ultimately, I don't want them to fall out. He does say himself though 'she can be a bit of a b***h at times'. There probably is more that I'm forgetting, I'l probably remember from the replies.

DangerMouse27

Who cares what she thinks or says? He obviously doesnt or he would not be with you.

No point in even worrying about all of the stuff she has or hasnt said in the past. And no, your bf shouldnt be the one wading into battles on your behalf. He summed it up perfectly, she can be a b1tch at times.

Esoteric_

She might 'be a bitch,' according to your boyfriend, but that's no reason for him or you to accept what she's saying about you.

Why would your boyfriend tell you they were talking about you, but not tell you what was said? I'd lose the head if someone said that to me. If it was about you, it IS your business!

Why is your boyfriend engaging her in this? Why in the name of all that is holy is he telling her about your sex life?! Has he not got any sense of tact or discretion?

I would normally tell you to just ignore her, or shoot down all of her ridiculous comments, but in this instance, your boyfriend is engaging in it, too. Whether she's pressuring him to engage in her bully tactics or not, he's doing it.

Because of the fact that he's engaging in it, and using 'ah she's just a bitch' as her excuse, I'd be insisting he stand up for me or I'd have a long, hard think about whether you can be in a relationship where intimate details become fodder for his sister.

Big Bag of Chips

Tell him to stop talking about YOUR sex life.

1: It's just plain weird that she asks
2: It's not just information about him he is giving her, he is telling her personal stuff about you... That is not on.

Tell him it's a bit incestuous that she asks. He can just ignore her. It doesn't matter if she keeps asking. Maybe he could point out to her that it is not healthy for her to have such an interest in him.

She sounds a little bit infatuated with him, to be honest. And I wouldn't take anything she says about you personally. You can be sure she'd be exactly the same with any girl he was going out with.

heretochat

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Why is your boyfriend engaging her in this? Why in the name of all that is holy is he telling her about your sex life?! Has he not got any sense of tact or discretion?

I have never come across something as disturbing as this, or as infantile.. Your boyfriend discussing YOUR sex life with his sister!!

A complete, utter and unforgiveable betrayal in my eyes.

Bad enough that he doesn't appear to respect you or stand up for you. He seems to be actively involved in the very thing that you want stopped.

Esoteric_

heretochat wrote: »

I have never come across something as disturbing as this, or as infantile.. Your boyfriend discussing YOUR sex life with his sister!!

A complete, utter and unforgiveable betrayal in my eyes.

Bad enough that he doesn't appear to respect you or stand up for you. He seems to be actively involved in the very thing that you want stopped.

This, 100%.

I know people think that girls talk about their sex life with their friends, and I do to a certain extent (if a friend asks me about a certain position or something, I'll tell her 'Oh yeah, I've done that, it's good/bad/awful/amazing'), but my god, I'd NEVER even consider telling my sister any aspects of my sex life.

Your boyfriend is engaging in this, isn't standing up for you and is giving her the 'gossip' she so desperately craves. I'd be blaming him as much as you blame his sister.

Big Bag of Chips

I'd be pointing out to him, that if he's not careful he might find himself growing old as a bachelor, still living with his spinster sister.

I don't think there's too many women would be willing to put up with that sort of carry on... From her AND him!

Although, I'd say that's her plan

heretochat

Esoteric_ wrote: »

This, 100%.

I know people think that girls talk about their sex life with their friends, and I do to a certain extent (if a friend asks me about a certain position or something, I'll tell her 'Oh yeah, I've done that, it's good/bad/awful/amazing'), but my god, I'd NEVER even consider telling my sister any aspects of my sex life.

Your boyfriend is engaging in this, isn't standing up for you and is giving her the 'gossip' she so desperately craves. I'd be blaming him as much as you blame his sister.

Gives me the heebeejeebees (:eek:) even to think of discussing something like this with a family member. Sanctity of the bedroom should always be respected.

And I agree that the boyfriend is as much to blame.. Actually scratch that, he is even more to blame. He has a responsibility to his girlfriend and is nowhere near themark in living up to it.

CarMe

Nip this in the bud pronto!!
I had a very very similar situation with an invasive, cold, rude sister of a long term boyfriend! It just got worse with time and the more effort I made with her, the worse she treated me and the (now ex) boyfriend never stuck up for me and that was really the nail in the coffin.

Remember if you plan on staying with him for a long time, having kids, getting married etc, she could end up making your life miserable!
Talk to your boyfriend and outline your concerns but if this continues, it's not just her you'll start to dislike if he sits back and does nothing.

JenEffy

Their relationship is very, very strange IMHO. I can't imagine my boyfriend even telling his brother the details of our sex life, never mind his sister! Have you spoken to any mutual friends about the situation? I can't imagine someone who wouldn't find their relationship messed up. Please tell me that she's his step sister and you forgot to mention it.

osarusan

Do they still live together at home? When does she find the time to pump him for details?

Anyhow, make sure you and the sister aren't in the same place, as much as you can.

I'd be delivering an ultimatum to the boyfriend as well, to the effect that if any more private details were revealed, it would be over.

In fact, depending on how long it had been going on, it would probably be over anyway.

LegacyUser

No she doesn't live at home anymore, but drops by every evening after work. Sometimes we'll be sitting in his bedroom watching a film or talking or whatever, she'll come up and chat to him for like 10/15 minutes. Not a word to me.

She said before that they're a really close family and tell eachother everything, but I just find this too close to comfort/ I mean, at one stage she knew when I was on my time of month.. Lol.

She always says too, that's she's just looking out for her little brother. He's 23, grown up enough I guess. She has a boyfriend too. She's just too overbearing and interfering.

I think that maybe my boyfriend is used to this, because their family is so close.

She told me she didn't like his girlfriend's before me either, she actually said that I was the nicest out of them all, which is something I guess.

I don't mind chatting to my/our friends about our sex life to an extent, but I think that family crosses the line. I don't tell my own siblings anything like that!

It was just that night when she pulled him aside, that sparked everything. I mean, if my brother/sister pulled me aside to talk about my boyfriend in front of him, I'd be absolutely fuming.

Another thing that I don't like, is that on family outings etc; my boyfriend always asks his parents 'oh is *Sarah going?' If they say yes, he'll go because she'll talk and he feels like he has to go because she's going?

I'll say something soon enough.

heretochat

UghhhI'mannoyed.. wrote: »

She said before that they're a really close family and tell eachother everything, but I just find this too close to comfort/ I mean, at one stage she knew when I was on my time of month.. Lol.

And you can laugh at this... I think there is something incredibly sickening about such personal, intimate details being spread about by someone you are meant to trust..

She always says too, that's she's just looking out for her little brother. He's 23, grown up enough I guess. She has a boyfriend too. She's just too overbearing and interfering.

I would suggest that he has more growing up tio do if he can't see that blabbing everything to her is wrong..


I don't mind chatting to my/our friends about our sex life to an extent, but I think that family crosses the line. I don't tell my own siblings anything like that!

I said in a previous post that this sort of a thing is a no no for me. Some things should not be discussed. I would not be comfortable with a girlfriend sharing such info


I'll say something soon enough.

I would suggest that you say something to him immediately.

Lawliet

The sister sounds weirdly jealous of your relationship.
Is your boyfriend uncomfortable with how interested she is in you and his sex life? It could be the way they were raised, possibly either she or both of them don't realize that this isn't a normal sibling relationship. Your boyfriend needs to understand that close or not he can't discuss you with his sister like that, it's not just odd but very disrespectful to you

Esoteric_

UghhhI'mannoyed.. wrote: »

No she doesn't live at home anymore, but drops by every evening after work. Sometimes we'll be sitting in his bedroom watching a film or talking or whatever, she'll come up and chat to him for like 10/15 minutes. Not a word to me.

She said before that they're a really close family and tell eachother everything, but I just find this too close to comfort/ I mean, at one stage she knew when I was on my time of month.. Lol.

She always says too, that's she's just looking out for her little brother. He's 23, grown up enough I guess. She has a boyfriend too. She's just too overbearing and interfering.

I think that maybe my boyfriend is used to this, because their family is so close.

She told me she didn't like his girlfriend's before me either, she actually said that I was the nicest out of them all, which is something I guess.

I don't mind chatting to my/our friends about our sex life to an extent, but I think that family crosses the line. I don't tell my own siblings anything like that!

It was just that night when she pulled him aside, that sparked everything. I mean, if my brother/sister pulled me aside to talk about my boyfriend in front of him, I'd be absolutely fuming.

Another thing that I don't like, is that on family outings etc; my boyfriend always asks his parents 'oh is *Sarah going?' If they say yes, he'll go because she'll talk and he feels like he has to go because she's going?

I'll say something soon enough.

I'm extremely close to my family, and I'll try to go to family outings if my sisters are going, but absolutely nothing excuses your boyfriend's behaviour. He told her when you were on your period?!

I'm not trying to be over-dramatic here, but that is beyond creepy. It's downright disgusting, and it's fcuking weird that your boyfriend tells her this stuff, more so that she actually wants to know all of this.

Do you want to spend your life having no privacy, not being able to relax in your relationship or say anything during a row for fear of him running away to tell his sister?

heretochat

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I'm extremely close to my family, and I'll try to go to family outings if my sisters are going, but absolutely nothing excuses your boyfriend's behaviour. He told her when you were on your period?!

I'm not trying to be over-dramatic here, but that is beyond creepy. It's downright disgusting, and it's fcuking weird that your boyfriend tells her this stuff, more so that she actually wants to know all of this.

Do you want to spend your life having no privacy, not being able to relax in your relationship or say anything during a row for fear of him running away to tell his sister?

I agree 100% about that intimate issue that he is telling her about... I am getting the shivers thinking of it. As a bloke I couldn't even imagine stooping so low as to divulge something like that.

It sounds like the strangest relationship between siblings that I have ever heard of.. I would be extremely concerned about sharing anything with this guy to be honest.

tinkerbell

Good god OP, to me this would be a deal breaker. That is just SICK that he discusses your sex life and dates of your period with his sister, that is just so screwed up. I'm afraid there's nothing to be done except an ultimatum - either he stops talking about completely inappropriate things with his crazy sister or else it's over.

Tbh though, I think you'd be best moving on. That family sounds screwed up. Being a close family does not mean that you tell them intimate details of your sex life.

OP, I find this all a bit twisted as well. I would not be happy remaining in this relationship one these terms and would tell him as much
Really, really twisted...

Toast4532

Esoteric_ wrote: »

I'm extremely close to my family, and I'll try to go to family outings if my sisters are going, but absolutely nothing excuses your boyfriend's behaviour. He told her when you were on your period?!

I'm not trying to be over-dramatic here, but that is beyond creepy. It's downright disgusting, and it's fcuking weird that your boyfriend tells her this stuff, more so that she actually wants to know all of this.

Do you want to spend your life having no privacy, not being able to relax in your relationship or say anything during a row for fear of him running away to tell his sister?

I agree with this. I mean, my bf is close to his siblings, but would never in a million years even consider telling them the dates of my period or discussing our sex life. That's sick beyond words.

They have an extremely strange relationship, not one person I know has a relationship like this with any member of their family. It's utterly disgusting to even divulge such details to a sister, she is worse for wanting to know.

She clearly gets some sort of kick out of knowing all this and knowing it makes you uncomfortable.

As for pulling him aside and him telling you its none of your business, that would be a deal breaker for me, and coupled with the other creepiness of their relationship I would be out of there so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.

I would tell him that is 100% not on and utterly disrespectful to you and your relationship for him to have discussed and to continue discussing such intimate details of your life and I would inform him that the relationship is over, and if he is so close to his sister and they have those types of conversations, they may as well be in such a relationship themselves.

The way they are carrying on is sick and twisted beyond words. Absolutely nothing can justify or normalize it in any way, shape or form.

username123

Their relationship sounds like its highly inappropriate and seriously lacking in normal sibling boundaries.

I actually know a brother and sister who behave this way, its extremely uncomfortable for everyone around them because they are just short of snogging each other in public.

She is basically jealous of your relationship with her brother and afraid you will steal him away from her. My own husbands sister (while not as inappropriate regarding intimate matters) was very similar. The difference is that my husband began to call her out on her comments and behaviour in short order so it didnt get a chance to become established. But she used to make me feel extremely uncomfortable - even if I addressed it to her myself, it wasnt til he called her out on her behaviour that it stopped. Actually he lost a lot of respect for her over her behaviour towards me and they are no longer as close as they once were - but that is a consequence of her own actions, not anything I did.

Bottom line, he has to be the one to address the behaviour to his sister otherwise she thinks its fine to be horrible to you.

jdsk2006

Right. ok. other posters have given you great advice so im gonna share my story.

Dh appeared to come from a very close family when i met him. Like you his only sister claimed to always be on lookout for her baby bro and used every opportunity available to her to tell me how much she adores him and how close a family they are....very protective of him and wary of me.
For first while i found it quiet sweet and i felt confident that she would eventually see how in love we were and id never ever hurt him. There were times however that i really had to bite my lip on stuff she said/did.
Im talking bout stuff like, at a famuly meal she would dive for the seat beside dh, if i was working a sunday she would plan a day out for herself dh and our son.....i felt sometimes she liked to pass them off as her family (as weird as that sounds). I remember once she went halves wit dh on some ticket for a draw for a car, no big deal but her smirk across the table was a very defining moment for me.....i knew she was gettin a kick outta trying to make me jealous.

After a time Dh started to cop onto her weird attachment.
We are now estranged from her totally. Obviously that is a condensed version, i wouldnt have enough steam to type the entire story but i just want to warn you that the closer and more serious you get with your bfriend the worse that little madam will get. its up to him to put down some boundries wit her.....you might have trouble gettin him to see how weird the relationship is wit his sister tho. Dunno girl, make damn sure he is worth the hassel that lady could cause in your world ......any doubts bout him being for keeps then just finish it now for your own sanity.

Dinxminx

I'm going to agree with everybody else here - I would consider myself to have a very close relationship with my brother but I would never discuss my sex life with him! Ever! How is that appropriate? And I would never (and vice versa) talk about somebody in front of them. Regardless of the relationship, that's just downright rude.

You need to sit him down and have a serious talk. The other posters here are right - this sort of behaviour is 1.) absurdly odd and 2.) totally not on.

LegacyUser

You need to do the following
Tell your boyfriend that it is none of his sister business about your sex life.
I would also tell him that some things are private and that at this stage of his life he does not have to tell his sister everything. I would tell him that unless he stops doing this you he will end up on his own because his sister will stop every relationship he gets involved in.

If this girl has a boyfriend you could do the following
Invite them out for a meal some night and ask her boyfriend how is your sex life and did he get his problem sorted out?
Tell him well you must know your girlfriend asks about our sex life so it is only right that I know about your sex life. If she has a boyfriend I am sure he would not be happy with you knowing about there sex life.
Better still hand him a pregnancy test and tell him that she told her brother that she thinks she is pregnant.

Tell her parents that you heard that her boyfriend they have yet to meet is a lad with a few children, from a bad area or something you know her parents would not like in front of her.
Or better still ask her was the pregnancy test positive as she told your boyfriend that she was not feeling well recently.

Once you do this his sister will know that you are not going to put up with her trying to ruin your relationship.
I have a few brothers and sisters and I would never ask questions in regards to there sex lives as it is none of my business.

Neyite

OP your problem is not her. Its your boyfriend.

You are entitled to have your privacy protected outside of your relationship. It is not his "stories" to tell when it includes your periods or your sex life.

For instance, My partner might be grand with me reading his text messages but I wouldn't because it may be somebody elses privacy I'm invading.

I am extremely close to my siblings. On occasion we have discussed sex in a non specific way, mindful of our partners privacy. As it should be.

She is able to manipulate him, and unless he is able to stop giving her personal information about you to her, I'd be thinking of breaking up with him.

Meauldsegosha

wise lady wrote: »

If this girl has a boyfriend you could do the following
Invite them out for a meal some night and ask her boyfriend how is your sex life and did he get his problem sorted out?
Tell him well you must know your girlfriend asks about our sex life so it is only right that I know about your sex life. If she has a boyfriend I am sure he would not be happy with you knowing about there sex life.
Better still hand him a pregnancy test and tell him that she told her brother that she thinks she is pregnant.

Tell her parents that you heard that her boyfriend they have yet to meet is a lad with a few children, from a bad area or something you know her parents would not like in front of her.
Or better still ask her was the pregnancy test positive as she told your boyfriend that she was not feeling well recently.

This is terrible advice. If you do this the only person who will look bad is you, OP.

The problem here is your boyfriend. He sounds quite immature in that he doesn't understand the boundaries of an adult relationship. It is not appropriate for him to speak to sister or any of his siblings about your sex life. It doesn't matter if his sister keeps on at him, he should just say "No, I'm not speaking with you about that" and get up and walk away.

Neyite

Jdsk2006, Textspeak and use of terms such as DH, DD, DS etc are not permitted on Boards.

Chara1001

I've just come across this thread.

OP??? your boyfriend tells his sister details of your sex life and when you're having your period??

This is getting on the wrong side of incestuous. Stop this immediately, the sister sounds like she's actually jealous!!

Wtf??

LegacyUser

This is really weird, and totally out of order. I'd be seriously rethinking the relationship if I were you. It's just not on to discuss such intimate details with anyone OP. To discuss it with a sibling, no matter how hard pressed, is just so wrong and beyond weird.

Is there any chance this girl has issues with sex? As in her own sexuality, or she has for some reason huge issues with her sexual relationship with her boyfriend, and is trying (very oddly) to get something to gauge that against?

I would run OP, for two reasons: the discussion of intimate sexual details between siblings is just plain freaky. Secondly, she is far too controlling and nosey re her sibling's life, and this will plague your life forever. It's so weird, it's like some codependent thing where she's the boss and he hops to attention and provides the salacious details. Do you really want to be in the middle of that for a day longer?

December2012

I don't think as a rule that discussions about sex or intimacy with a sibling are off limits Per Se.

However, it makes YOU feel uncomfortable - and you have the right to your privacy.

Second to that, the person who your boyfriend was/is breaching your privacy with is not nice to you.

Therefore it's him who is being an ass.

What does he think about all of this? Can he see both sides (as she is sure to have one).

LegacyUser

Op back here. I think I'll say something soon, thanks for the replies!

Just another little thing that's been niggling at me for a while. It's my OH's graduation soon enough and is allowed invite four guests. His parents are a given, of course. His sister said also that her and her partner should be the other two guests. My boyfriend did say that he would rather that I went instead of her and her partner, but doesn't want to upset his parents and sister. I can't help but want to be there, seeing as I was the one pushing him in college to keep going, helped out with exams and revising. And just to see him graduate because I'm proud of him.

Should I say something to him about wanting to be there, or grit my teeth and move on from it?

Esoteric_

UghhhI'mannoyed.. wrote: »

Op back here. I think I'll say something soon, thanks for the replies!

Just another little thing that's been niggling at me for a while. It's my OH's graduation soon enough and is allowed invite four guests. His parents are a given, of course. His sister said also that her and her partner should be the other two guests. My boyfriend did say that he would rather that I went instead of her and her partner, but doesn't want to upset his parents and sister. I can't help but want to be there, seeing as I was the one pushing him in college to keep going, helped out with exams and revising. And just to see him graduate because I'm proud of him.

Should I say something to him about wanting to be there, or grit my teeth and move on from it?

HIS girlfriend should be more important than his SISTER'S boyfriend.

Op, honestly, why are you putting up with this?

This is just further proof that he will continue to put his sister's feelings before your own, time and time again.

What are you actually getting from this relationship? I'm sure he's lovely to you in other ways, but he's shown you time and again that his sister's freakish feelings come first.

Can I ask why you've said nothing yet? Does your privacy, your feelings, your needs not come first with you?

December2012

You outrank his sisters boyfriend.

Simple.

Typer Monkey

Oh for god's sake OP, you 'think' you'll say something soon? Of course you should be at his graduation. Couldn't his sister and you go and forget about her bloody partner. To be honest though I don't think you're going to do anything about this. I get the distint impression that you just want to rant and the latest update was like the latest episode in a soap opera.

You need to find some self respect from somewhere and stop being a doormat to your boyfriend and his very odd sister

Big Bag of Chips

UghhhI'mannoyed.. wrote: »

Should I say something to him about wanting to be there, or grit my teeth and move on from it?

Why wouldn't you say something?

Seriously... Why would you not say anything?

You are as bad as them, if you just sit back and say nothing. Their behaviour is bizarre... But you sitting back and saying nothing, while secretly fuming, is equally odd.

Stavro Mueller

Jeez OP. A psychologist like Freud would have a field day with what's going on. I don't know which of them is the worse to tell the truth. The boundaries in that relationship are really in the wrong place. Now is a really good opportunity to put your foot down and have a badly needed talk with your boyfriend. What are you afraid of? That he'll dump you?

Meauldsegosha

OP you really need to grow a back bone. You THINK you might say something to your boyfriend about the fact he discusses your sex life and menstrual cycle with his sister. There is nothing to think about as evidenced by the replies on this thread.

As for his graduation I would think that you should be invited ahead of his sister let alone her partner. If you see a long term future with this man you need you set out your boundaries of what your find acceptable and you, and your feelings, should be a priority for your boyfriend. You shouldn't be 5th or 6th on his list.

CaraMay

So you are happy to come 5th in his life, trailing behind his sisters boyfriend?

Op I can only assume you have some self esteem issues that are stopping you responding to this awful treatment. I don't think things are ever going to change as it would now seem to me that he is as dependent on her as she is on him.

He is completely out of order discussing your private life and yet you take it. Is being in a relationship more important than your self respect? It's all very bizarre and the most bizarre part is that you are willing to accept this poor quality relationship with the poor treatment you are getting from BOTH of them. Grow a back bone and leave him to his sister

CaraMay

Typer monkey, he is as odd as his sister. He is talking to her about the stuff. Ill bet she knows her bank balance as well

heretochat

If he gives in on this and brings his sister and the boyfriend to the grad instead of you will you finally see the light and dump his sorry ass?

I'm sorr but he is taking the proverbial out of you at this stage and will continue to do so while you let him..

Doesn't respect you in the slightest in my opinion

tinkerbell

Oh dear .... OP I think you need to seriously cop onto yourself. I can't believe you are even considering letting his sister and her boyfriend take YOUR rightful place at his graduation, WTF? I can see why his sister gets away with it - (a) you're a doormat and let her walk all over you and (b) your boyfriend is a doormat with no respect for you. Your boyfriend sounds like a right idiot tbh and if he doesn't invite you to his grad then I think that's the last straw and you should dump him. He's got one hell of a messed up sibling relationship going on and if he's not willing to fix this now, then god only knows what it'll be like if you get married to him and / or have children with him. So cop onto yourself, speak up and if he doesn't change, dump his pathetic ass and find someone who will actually treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.

And by the way, in a normal long-term serious relationship the people in the relationship become a family unit and they put each other first. Your bf should be putting YOU first. The fact that you're ranked below his sister's boyfriend speaks volumes IMO. The people going to his grad should be his parents, his long-term gf and then anybody else if there is space.

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe getting a bit ahead of myself here, and slightly hysterical (!) But something tinkerbell mentioned made me think... What happens if you DO get married? And DO have kids? How much of a say will she get in your wedding? (or maybe that should read, how much of a say will YOU get in your wedding?)

If you have kids, is she going to insist on being in the delivery room? Maybe your bf could wait outside, so as not to hurt his sister's feelings and let her experience her little niece or nephew being born?

I know it might sound ridiculous, and over the top... But really.... Would you put it past her/him?

Dark Phoenix

Your boyfriend is enabling her behaviour in fact by discussing things of such a personal nature and refusing to distance himself from sister or say something to her about it he is almost encouraging it.

You are his girlfriend why on earth would you not be at his graduation while the sister and boyfriend are? I find the most bizarre thing is that he is happy with that scenario and has seemed to convince you to just leave it lie. What are you going to do sit at home for his graduation because god forbid the sister would have to go alone? Sit at home waiting for him to ring you to say you can come and have some attention now? What next will he have to invite the sister and boyfriend to every important event in his life and rank them above you on the guest list?

Sit down and have a chat with this lad. He needs to grasp that this sibling relationship is not normal (now I know depending on his upbringing he may not realise its not normal) but either way he needs to open his eyes. if he refuses to man up and say anything to the sister about it, if he refuses to stop discussing the intimate details of your relationship with her (god knows what else he tells her?) and if he continues to put her first im sorry lady but you have a decision to make here

hardCopy

You should really be the first person invited to his grad, nevermind being 5th on the list.

The only way you can turn this around is by explaining to your boyfriend in no uncertain terms that his sister has no part to play in your relationship.

He needs to realise that this is not OK, he should also make it clear to his sister that you are part of his life and if she disrespects you she won't be seeing him at all. He should make it clear that this is on his own initiative and not because he's been told to do this by you.

jdsk2006

Omg op she is puttin you firmly in your box isnt she?! Time to talk to him.

Beware tho cos if she notices any new boundries being set down by your boyfriend she will kick the toys out and come for ya with guns blazing......you be labelled as a wedge that turned her brother away from her!

Id just end the relationship if i was you. Seriously op, i speak from experience - sisters like her are wired wrong and capable of anything

Faith

When my boyfriend graduated, he only got 2 tickets, and one of his parents volunteered not to go so that I could go!

I can't believe you're only 'thinking' about saying something, OP. I wouldn't put up with that kind of crap at all.

NicoleL88

I can only echo what everyone else is saying.

The whole situation is bizarre and needs to be addressed IMMEDIATELY not "soon"!

If you don't respect yourself and your needs, who will??

x Purple Pawprints x

I find this completely bizarre. Like, there's closeness and just plain weird and I'm afraid to say OP, that their relationship is weird. Who discusses their sex life with their siblings? You need to have a serious chat with this guy, he just seems like he has no respect for you whatsoever and what his sister says goes. If I were with someone and I was graduating they'd be the first person I would want there, not the FIFTH!

LegacyUser

OP back.

It all came to a head yesterday morning when he said I was equal to his friends. Had a bit of an argument, he begged and said he didn't mean it, but I wasn't taking it.

I didn't mention his weird sister relationship. Just left it.

To be honest, I feel better. I no longe have to worry what his sister may have been asking, what he was saying. Sure, they'll probably talk about me ending it, it doesn't really bother me anymore.

Thanks for the replies.

username123

Sorry to hear that OP but I think you are better off. A man who is so emotionally connected to his family is not emotionally available for an adult relationship with a woman. And until he is, there's no point.

ivytwine

Well done OP for putting yourself first.

Sure they'll talk but to hell with them. In ten years he'll have probably have moved in with the sister but you'll be on to better things.

Onwards and upwards and best of luck x

tinkerbell

Well done, OP - major bullet dodged.