Sick of life.

LegacyUser

Don’t really know what I’m expecting out of this but here goes…
Last year I left my lifelong ambition to become a musician behind in order to focus on the final year of a degree. In doing so I alienated myself from a huge chunk of my social circle and still wound up graduating onto the dole.
I’ve always been relatively depressed but since my social life all but vanished I’ve just sank further and further away from being able to handle life, I spend every day just sitting around the house applying for jobs which never reply because you need experience in order to get experience, occasionally going into town to hand out cvs and then coming home, checking facebook, watching re-runs etc. It’s like Groundhog Day.
I see no possible point to my life other than maybe getting a nicer house and bigger TV one day, base level comforts. Nothing I do seems like it will ever matter.
I’ve been on antidepressants since last year and while they are working to a degree I feel like I spend most of my time going through the motions with people and pretending to be ok so they don’t feel worried or uncomfortable around me. I’ve considered getting back into music but I can’t face the frustration of pouring hours of work, time and money into a project that has no hope in Ireland. I’m also so sick of excessive drinking being such a necessary part of any kind of socialising, I used to love drinking but I’ve gotten to the stage where people just annoy me when they’re drunk now and I find myself bored in pubs and I’ve gotten into a rut of just staying home. I’ve considered emigrating to a country where I’d find it easier to find work and in which the culture isn’t so reliant on getting wasted at every available opportunity but I find it so difficult to save money due to being unable to find work and every time I bring it up my family gives me a massive guilt trip.

So in general I guess I’m in this weird little rut and can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. It’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed every day in the knowledge that the dole is going to kick me off soon and I’m going to have to take up some horrible soul sucking job just to pad the pockets of some landlord somewhere.

ivytwine

Hey OP

I really do feel for you. I know the feeling of being stuck at home, feeling you're not involved in the thing you love and want to do.

Would you consider moving? I know people say 'go, emigrate' and it's not that easy, you do need a bit of cash behind you, but would you consider even within Europe? Somewhere like Spain or Italy or France, I don't know what you're qualified in but you could even do English teaching or something out there?

I think you should get back into the music. Creating and being artistic is such a mood elevator as you know. And it's hard but don't give up if it's what you want to do.

I'm a writer and the last year has been a real struggle for me. It's only now that some of my hard work is starting to pay off in a very small way, and boy I felt like giving up every second day. It's hard when you consider the millions of voices out there all trying to get noticed, and it's easy to get discouraged.

Irish music is very healthy at the moment and wandering around Indiependence a few weeks ago I remember noting down all the great Irish bands I saw so I could download them when I got home. There are opportunities out there, but there won't be if you don't take a chance and get out there.

Would you consider a Jobbridge or a FAS course? I know Jobbridge isn't fantastic, but it does look good on the CV and it might lead somewhere new?

What about offering your musical services to a bar or even a wedding band or something? Would you consider playing solo? Busking?

I'd be the same with drink, think it's just getting older. But I'm sure there are people out there who are likeminded and just want a few quiet pints instead of getting mouldy. It's time to get yourself out there

I don't know a whole pile about anti-depressants and we're not allowed give medical advice, but are you going to counselling as well? Think that could be beneficial to you. And I think turning off the computer, getting out and going for a long walk is another mood-booster. What way is your diet?

Gingko

I've been through the wars too for the last number of years and truly understand what you are going through. I agree you do need to get back into music somehow and also ditch the antidepressants. Instead of antidepressants change your lifestyle. Eat only healthy, drink in light moderation, get regular exercise, try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour most nights. Back away from negative folk until they too have done work on themselves.

Countless people are suffering from depression and anxiety these days. Our lives are been directed by capital law not natural law yet we are made to feel inadequate if we don't live up or conform to this insanity?

Most likely there is nothing "wrong" with you and it is indeed society. There are many meeting groups and activities now that are not drink related. The Funky Seomra club that travels around the country is a good meet up. Lots of community drumming circles and other music. Nightly workshops in just about everything these days? Music, dance, yoga, drumming, art etc etc. Get involved as some of it is free! Take care and get positive!

seachto7

When you say you left your lifelong ambition to become a musician, how do you mean? Were you talking about "making it"? As in, doing music as a job?

You can still play music and work. Most bands have to do that, as very few original acts are making enough off it as a yearly wage. You'd be surprised with the amount of musicians who you think, just because they are in the papers or on the radio, are loaded, who in fact are struggling.

Don't give up on it. Maybe change your approach to it. Don't think about having to make it. Do it because you enjoy doing it first and foremost. Record an EP or a single. Get a few support slots. Take it from there...
Put your emotions down in music. It can be a great tool to get stuff out of your head.

Maybe a change of scene would also do you good. If you want to go somewhere where booze isn't the be all and end all, think about heading to France or Italy maybe. Both have decent music scenes, you'll get the same bands you hear in Ireland and discover new local acts.

But you don't have to move country or town/city to get away from booze or a boozing scene.

I also sacrificed a lot over the years trying to "make it", and ended up hating music and all the opportunities I thought I missed out on because I stuck around trying to "make it". I changed my approach, and have a more realistic (for me) approach to it now.