Seeing someone, then he disappears...

SnuggleBuddy

Hi Everyone,
I've posted here before about a guy I was seeing who I'd met online. Got along great. Felt we really clicked (my opinion anyway!)

We had been on a few dates, spending the whole day together. Lots to talk about. Holding hands. Texting each other every day since we met. He had even been sending me ''Good Morning'' texts everyday.

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was three days ago. He asked me how my evening was going.
I replied saying "my evening was going good and that I was just back from having ice-cream with my cousin."
His response was that he knows a great place for ice-cream.
I replied saying "I'd love to go sometime."

And then, nothing. He just seems to have disappeared. I don't want to message him again as I feel the ball is in his court.

I'd really appreciate any advice/opinions on this. I'm feeling quite disappointed over this as I really thought this had potential.

I'd just accept it and move on if he told me he'd lost interest but there's nothing worse than being left hanging like this.

miamee

Have you literally sent him that one text and nothing since? I'd send one more text on the off-chance that he didn't receive it and then leave it at that if you don't hear from him again.

It is a horrible way to leave things but unfortunately when communicating via text or emails or anything that's not face to face, it is very easy for people to just not reply than to say if there is something wrong or they are no longer interested.

Meauldsegosha

I agree with the other poster send him one more text and if he doesn't reply then move on. This whole "I sent the last message so I can't sent another" is a load of nonsense.

SnuggleBuddy

miamee wrote: »

Have you literally sent him that one text and nothing since? I'd send one more text on the off-chance that he didn't receive it and then leave it at that if you don't hear from him again.

It is a horrible way to leave things but unfortunately when communicating via text or emails or anything that's not face to face, it is very easy for people to just not reply than to say if there is something wrong or they are no longer interested.

Hi miamee,
Thanks for your reply. Yes, that was the last message I sent to him. I was hinting that I wanted to visit the ice-cream place he suggested for our next date.

The last time we met up, we talked about what we would do next but made no definite plan. My thoughts were that maybe he had changed his mind and was no longer interested in meeting up and that's why he didn't reply.

You're right that I could just send him another text. I just don't want to come across as being desperate and clingy. I just don't know what I should say in the text. Should I mention that we're not in as much contact anymore and I was wondering if there was anything wrong.

It's been quite a while since I've been in the dating scene so I just don't seem to be able to handle these kind of situations.

dellas1979

SnuggleBuddy wrote: »

Should I mention that we're not in as much contact anymore and I was wondering if there was anything wrong.

Ah, No.

Thats when you get into desperate/clingly territory.

Simply ask him if he wants to go to the ice cream place, and gauge his reaction.

Edit: Disappearing is a bit of an overreaction also OP. 3 days? Cool the fire a little. If youd said 2 weeks or something, Id agree with you. 3 days could be a I was busy or something came up territory.

andreac

How does one message come across as desperate and clingy??
Send him a general message, asking how is Etc and would he like to meet up again and when suits.
Def don't ask were you doing anything wrong as that comes across bit full on.
If he doesn't reply then you know where you stand and leave it at that.

SnuggleBuddy

Edit: Disappearing is a bit of an overreaction also OP. 3 days? Cool the fire a little. If youd said 2 weeks or something, Id agree with you. 3 days could be a I was busy or something came up territory.[/QUOTE]

You're right about that. It's just that we were in touch several times a day since we met, talking about our day and planning our next date and now nothing... It just seems a little odd to me. It's not like it takes a huge amount of time to send someone a text message.

username123

Just text him and say 'hey how's things, you've been very quiet the past few days?'.

Don't pretend all is well, he has suddenly changed the frequency of communication, why would you pretend it's not happening? IMO you have to be able to be honest with someone right from the start. He has gone from daily communication to silence, it's ok to ask why, you are adults. Otherwise you're just playing head wreck games.

If he replies you can ask him if things are ok with him etc.... Otherwise you know to move on.

One thing I have noticed over the years, even pre mobile phones, guys who over communicate in the early days are more likely to just go cold and disappear. That level of communication is never going to be kept up but people who over communicate in this way seem to have only 2 modes of communication, full on or none.

Don't be surprised if you hear nothing back then a flurry of texts when he gets lonely or bored either.

Course I could be wrong on all the above, good luck anyway.

andreac

SnuggleBuddy wrote: »

Edit: Disappearing is a bit of an overreaction also OP. 3 days? Cool the fire a little. If youd said 2 weeks or something, Id agree with you. 3 days could be a I was busy or something came up territory.

You're right about that. It's just that we were in touch several times a day since we met, talking about our day and planning our next date and now nothing... It just seems a little odd to me. It's not like it takes a huge amount of time to send someone a text message.[/quote]
He's prob thinking the same as you though wondering why you haven't been in touch?
What have you got to lose by contacting him. At least you will know where you stand then.
It's a text, not a marriage proposal, so not sure why you are so worried about it?

SnuggleBuddy

andreac wrote: »

You're right about that. It's just that we were in touch several times a day since we met, talking about our day and planning our next date and now nothing... It just seems a little odd to me. It's not like it takes a huge amount of time to send someone a text message.

He's prob thinking the same as you though wondering why you haven't been in touch?
What have you got to lose by contacting him. At least you will know where you stand then.
It's a text, not a marriage proposal, so not sure why you are so worried about it?[/QUOTE]

Well I sent him a text saying that I would like to go to the ice-cream place. I assumed that he would respond with when we could go. He didn't. He didn't respond at all.

You're definitely right about messaging him one more time. At least then, I'll know where I stand but it's just really unsettling to be left in this limbo land.

dellas1979

Pure curiosity OP, what age is he (are we talking teenager?)

John Mason

use your phone for the purpose it was intend and ring him.

sheesh - its really not r:cool:ocket science

SnuggleBuddy

dellas1979 wrote: »

Pure curiosity OP, what age is he (are we talking teenager?)

He's 27. Definitely not a teenager!:)

dellas1979

Well, relax and either give him a couple more days see does he contact, or ask him yourself to the ice cream place.

Please do not go into mind overdrive thinking youve put him off, and asking him about that - all you said was youd like to go to the ice-cream place. You couldnt get more innocent context to be honest.

m'lady

Hi OP.. I know it's confusing when there has been alot of contact and then things go quiet, but it'd only been 3 days- it probably seems like weeks due to there being so much contact beforehand..

Anyhow I'd agree with the previous posters to send him one more message or even better maybe call him- something could have happened that has stopped him texting or maybe he is having second thoughts- you won't know till you ask!!

Just one thought, are u sure he is definitely single?