Love in your 30s

LegacyUser

hi, just looking for some opinions on the following. Do people have much chance of falling madly in love after say 30? I just have got so cynical, I really dont think it can happen.

I am asking because I had feelings for someone but I never did anything about it, mostly because of my age (31), and I suppose I really dont believe it can work out when you aren't that young anymore, that if you do feel something strong for someone I automatically think it will fail and won't be reciprocated. Hence never even letting a glimmer of my feelings be seen.(Even though I had no reason to think they didnt like me back).
I dont want this to continue but I need to get a realistic outlook. Do most people settle for someone who'll be there and is a good person at this stage, if they are honest? Or if you hold out for the ones who give you butterflies, does it automatically mean you are too into them and headed for heartbreak? Are those kind of feelings best left for those in their teens/early 20s? I felt ridiculous feeling like that at my age:o

I guess I am feeling really down and hopeless right now, any advice from people who have had it all work out for them? Can you meet someone after 30 that gives you those intense feelings and have it work out? Because I never see it happen! Do you need a more realistic outlook in your 30s?

Taltos

Hi OP - can you please provide more context to yourself?
RI is not for the general discussion of topics, it is intended more to help posters with relationship issues.

Thanks
Taltos

dancesatnight

love is a funny thing it kinda creeps up on you. i belive yes people can fall madly in love at any ages.

stop looking be good to your self and the positive engery you project will bring the right person in to your life

dixiefly

I think that, in this day and age, many people are meeting in their 30's and also some in their 40's so, yes, people can meet and fall in love in their 30's. I know of 2 marriages this year where at least one of the couple were in their 40's when they met.

Don't let a perceived age threshold put you off making the move on this person you mentioned. If you don't have direct contact with them at the moment why don't you think of an event that you could ask them to accompany you to.

As Nike say Just do it. Today is the first day of the the rest of your life.

ash23

sad30something wrote: »

Do most people settle for someone who'll be there and is a good person at this stage, if they are honest? Or if you hold out for the ones who give you butterflies, does it automatically mean you are too into them and headed for heartbreak?

I'm 30, nearly 31. And I'm holding out for both of those things. Someone who'll be there and is a good person and who will also give me butterflies.

I don't think I need to sell myself short just because I'm in my 30s

heretochat

Good Lord... so now being in your 30s is a time to get out the slippers and the pipe and give up on life and love and all the happiness it can bring..

You are still YOUNG and you have a life left ahead of you.. Of course you can meet someone and fall in love.. When it happens it will happen naturally.. Don't be looking for it under each stone or around every corner.. When it hits you it will happen naturally and you will wonder why you ever felt like it was hopeless.

Big Bag of Chips

You had feelings for someone. And you're 31. So surely that answers your question.
Yes you can fall for someone at anytime. The days of our parents' generation where the norm was you were married with a handful of kids by 27 is coming to an end. Studies have shown that the average age for women to have their first baby is getting older now.

Life today is busier and more complicated than it was, sometimes it takes longer to meet "the one".

But to be honest... It sounds like you are making excuses to not be in a relationship. If you like someone, but won't chance a relationship because you are afraid of having your heart broken then you are setting yourself for a lonely life.... And that's nothing to do with your age.

If you like this person, and if they are available, go for it. What's the worst that can happen? What's the best that can happen?

LegacyUser

Sorry mods, wasn't sure where to put it, I'm not in a relationship so maybe more suited to PI, or perhaps neither(if so you can lock.)
Thanks for the kind responses so far. I suppose I was looking for suggestions as to be more confident in dating, I came out of a very long term relationship, and my outlook on dating isn't the most positive, as you can probably see. I know it sounds silly and I sound like I'm saying being this age is old, which it isnt, it's probably more a confidence issue and perhaps I'm pinning that on my age.
I'm just hoping I suppose that the best could be yet to come, and not in the past! I was specifically talking about the whole feeling of being madly in love, it seemed to me that after 30 people are more comfortable within themselves and not to say 'ready to get out the slippers', but the relationship's a little less intense if you know what I mean? it's just I felt silly feeling like a nervous girl or something for this person, and I should be more confident and mature!

nikpmup

Hi OP,

I lost my husband suddenly when I was 34. I was on my own for two years and was starting to think about dating, but really didn't think a Big Love would ever happen again. Well, now I'm 37, madly, crazily, wonderfully, head over heels in love, expecting our first baby, planning our second, and hoping to live the rest of our lives in the same blissful bubble we are in at the moment. Similarly, my cousin, who's 38, was unceremoniously dumped a few months ago by the man who said he'd marry her and stick by her forever - she's now dating a really nice guy, it's early days but things are going great.
So in short - yes, falling in love can and does happen at any age. Embrace it

Meauldsegosha

opagain wrote: »

I was specifically talking about the whole feeling of being madly in love, it seemed to me that after 30 people are more comfortable within themselves and not to say 'ready to get out the slippers', but the relationship's a little less intense if you know what I mean? it's just I felt silly feeling like a nervous girl or something for this person, and I should be more confident and mature!

It's perfectly normal to feel giddy and nervous at the beginning of a relationship. You can still be confident and mature and have those feelings. I'm 42 and at the beginning of a new relationship (3 months). I get butterflies in my stomach before I meet him. I smile when he texts me or when I remember something he said on a date. If I wasn't feeling that I'm not sure I would pursue the relationship.

limnam

If you can remove your cynicism for enough time to think about it objectively. The 30-40 decade is probably the best time to "fall in love". You know what you want and exactly what you don't want. It's also the decade that most men start to know who they're and most of us even stop laughing when we hear "boob" by then.

The most important part for me is to really know yourself, be comfortable with that and advertise whatever that is every chance you get. This for me is how you meet people that will excite you and interest you because they'll gravitate towards you also. No one fell in love with a book they couldn't read or a film they couldn't watch. Never "settle" you won't be happy and your partner won't be happy and while you're "settling" you vastly reduce the chance of the opportunity of falling "madly" in love.

heretochat

opagain wrote: »

it's just I felt silly feeling like a nervous girl or something for this person, and I should be more confident and mature!

The feeling silly is all part of the process of falling in love.. As one of the other posters said, it's the butterflies in the stomach before a date, the smile when he/she sends you a text, the memories you hold on to from a particularly enjoyable date/experience..

Those feelings occur in people no matter what the age.. and they're not something to be embarassed about..

ash23

OP I was in a relationship for my 20s which ended in not very nice circumstances. I spent a few years licking my wounds and reluctant to get involved seriously with someone again. I had flings but was essentially a commitment phobe.
I met someone and we dated for a year or so and it was very special. It didn't work out but we remain friends.
It was by far a much better relationship and because I know exactly what I want from a relationship now, when it started going pear shaped we were both honest and upfront. I won't say it didn't hurt but it was definitely much more amicable and healthy in terms of a breakup. Neither of us wasted the others time.
However, it was both passionate and stable. My previous relationships had all been drama filled and I took that to mean that they were passionate. But it wasn't passion. It was just drama really.
So I think in your 30s you're more sure of yourself, of who you are and want you want. You're less likely to put up with head wreckers and drama queens.
But that's not to say that there is no passion.

I have high hopes of meeting someone again that I can fall in love with. I deserve happiness the same as anyone else.

It can be scary getting back into dating but just give yourself enough time to get over your last relationship and when you're ready, go for it.

Lux23

I met and fell madly in love at the age of 30, it can happen at any time!

murria

Definitely, I'm in my 50's and have seen friends who have been widowed or divorced married in the last year. Have also seen 2 friends in their 40s, who were never married or in long term relationships find love recently. Its all about timing.

m'lady

In your thirties you know exactly what you are looking for (possibly after experiencing a bit of heartache or kissed a few frogs!), and you are less inclined to take or GIVE crap.
I also think there's less chance of mind games, people tend to put their cards on the table from the start.

Cionn

when in my 30's met my (now wife). i had all but given up on romance but once we met there were about 10 nights apart before we effectively moved in together. 10 years later +house +3 kids = happy as

Time out

The answer to your question OP is a definitely yes from my perspective! Plain and simple. Am late 30s btw.