help advise for single mum to be

babybelle85

Hi,, can anyone please give me some advise..I'm 3 months pregnant and when I told my partner he went crazy and kicked me out of the apartment we shared. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby.Now I'm living back at home but there is hardly any room as it is never mind when the baby comes. I work but only as a temp so I won't be entitled to maternity pay.can someone please give me advise on if I will be ableto get my own apartment..do the government Give housing allowance to someone in my situation..any advice you can give is much appreciated.

jimd2

I think you need to put the pressure on that excuse for a human being that is your ex to give you whatever maintenance and support you are entitled to.

I am not sure if you have brothers or male friends but they should call around to his apartment and remind him of his obligations. Nothing physical of course but just to let him know that you are not on your own.

A trip to citizens advice to explore everything that you are entitled to.

As an aside was this a totally out of the blue reaction or did you suspect that this is what he is capable of?

daisybelle2008

OP have you evaluated whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy? From a support and financial perspective you appear to be greatly struggling, maybe timing isn't right for you, have you thought about that option?

Neyite

OP, you need information- I have no direct experience of any of this I'm afraid, but I'll throw a few suggestions out there to the best of my understanding anyway:

there is a state benefits forum here on boards that you might get more accurate information. Even call into your local social welfare office for information. They will also give you information as to child maintenance from your ex.

Also check out Citizens Advice Bureau. If you are a temp with an agency it affords you certain rights the same as a permanent employee - including maternity benefit, provided you have paid a certain number of PRSI contributions.

Lastly, contact Positive Options to discuss your crisis pregnancy. An unplanned pregnancy is difficult in any circumstances but I'd imagine you are reeling from being thrown out and the end of your relationship too. They also may have practical supports for you that you can avail of.

jimd2

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP have you evaluated whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy? From a support and financial perspective you appear to be greatly struggling, maybe timing isn't right for you, have you thought about that option?

I don't think advocating abortion is an appropriate response to the OP's problem which are significant. Her first priority has to be getting the father to take responsibility.

Abortion is cases where the health of the foetus or mother is not in direct danger is still illegal in this country.

PucaMama

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP have you evaluated whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy? From a support and financial perspective you appear to be greatly struggling, maybe timing isn't right for you, have you thought about that option?

What a disgusting over the top reaction

Ann84

Firstly, I hope your doing ok. I have been in a similar situation and can add little to the good advice and thoughts of both neyite and daisybelle2008.
If you've just found out, take some time to digest your options, this is a big decision that has unfortunately been thrown upon you and crisis pregnancies are called that for a reason.

If you are 3 months gone, I would suggest your first port of call be positive options to discuss all possible options available to you. They are incredibly helpful and in my experience, quite unbiased and non-judgemrntal, they'll give you lots of ideas and things to consider.

Try not to think about your ex right now, I know that is probably impossible, but your best served now considering yourself and how you see your future. You dont need to worry about housing etc quite yet, you have 6 months to get that sorted if needs be, just talk to someone (unemotionally involved if possible) to get your own head straight...

Neyite has given a good list of contacts above so I wont add there but I do remember being in your position, and it is the hardest place youll ever be so know this, it does get easier whatever you decide is best for you, x

anncoates

PucaMama wrote: »

What a disgusting over the top reaction

It was just advice.

And your reaction is aggressive moralizing.

PucaMama

anncoates wrote: »

It was just advice.

And your reaction is aggressive moralizing.

And? Abortion for this kind of circumstance is illegal here.

Neyite

All, stop dragging this thread off topic. This is not the place for Pro/Anti Choice debates and any further posts in this vein will be considered off topic and dealt with.

Suggesting the OP look at ALL her options, including termination is perfectly valid. Posters are free to offer their own advice that contradicts this. As long as its genuine, helpful advice to the OP.

anncoates

PucaMama wrote: »

And? Abortion for this kind of circumstance is illegal here.

I'm sure your only concern is the legality, of course.

PucaMama

anncoates wrote: »

I'm sure your only concern is the legality, of course.

What other concern should I have? I dont no the op or her family or thankfully her ex.

anncoates

PucaMama wrote: »

What other concern should I have? I dont no the op or her family or thankfully her ex.

Whatever.

Sorry OP. I won't derail the thread any further. I would definitely look into pursuing maintenance from your ex and check the state benefits forum.

Hope it works out for you.

Neyite

PucaMama wrote: »

What a disgusting over the top reaction

PucaMama wrote: »

And? Abortion for this kind of circumstance is illegal here.

PucaMama wrote: »

What other concern should I have? I dont no the op or her family or thankfully her ex.

PucaMama, Dont post in this thread again. You have failed to offer any advice whatsoever to the OP, which is the whole point of PI.

AnnCoates, same applies to you.

On topic or dont post.

jimd2

Ann84 wrote: »

Firstly, I hope your doing ok. I have been in a similar situation and can add little to the good advice and thoughts of both neyite and daisybelle2008.
If you've just found out, take some time to digest your options, this is a big decision that has unfortunately been thrown upon you and crisis pregnancies are called that for a reason.

If you are 3 months gone, I would suggest your first port of call be positive options to discuss all possible options available to you. They are incredibly helpful and in my experience, quite unbiased and non-judgemrntal, they'll give you lots of ideas and things to consider.

Try not to think about your ex right now, I know that is probably impossible, but your best served now considering yourself and how you see your future. You dont need to worry about housing etc quite yet, you have 6 months to get that sorted if needs be, just talk to someone (unemotionally involved if possible) to get your own head straight...

Neyite has given a good list of contacts above so I wont add there but I do remember being in your position, and it is the hardest place youll ever be so know this, it does get easier whatever you decide is best for you, x

Try not to think of your ex right now. :rolleyes:

Yes just let him shirk his responsibilities. No wonder so many guys are prepared to behave the way the OPs ex did!

Chara1001

Hi Op,

What an awful situation for you, i'm gonna echo some of the others suggestions to speak to positive options, and also turn to family and friends if you can. The more support you have around you, the stronger you will be, and you will be better able to make important decisions about your situation.
Do you think its possible your ex has gone into a state of panic? What i mean is that his reaction is in no way acceptable and kicking you out pregnant at 3 months is nothing short of disgusting, but since he is the father, he will have to accept financial responsibility at the very least- panicking or not-. And you really should pursue him for this.
In your op, you speak about WHEN the baby comes, so from that, i'm gathering you intend to continue with the pregnancy. In that case, i believe the housing authority would view you as a priority. I don't think you should wait to inquire about this, it'll help put your mind at rest if you start the proceedings as soon as possible.

The very best of luck to you

Ann84

Jimd2, if the OP has a baby, she will have 20 years to argue with her ex over money, parenting choices, schools, new partners and plenty more!
Right now, she is in a very very very difficult position and pursuing her ex (who is probably angry, bitter, cold and/ or aggressive) will most likely just add stress and distract her from what she should be focusing on, herself.

He had said he wants nothing to do with her, she can pursue maintenance in 6 months should she so choose, until then, investing any energy in him is taking time from her real issue. Fron her post, he had made his decision clear and I stand by my advice.
She can not now, nore will she ever be able to make him accept his responsibilities (outside of maintenance which again, she cant pursue yet!) and she will drive herself mad trying to.
His responsibility is his responsibility, her responsibility is her happiness.

IrishEyes19

riddiculous now that you cant be anti-abortion or pro-abortion, but some extremists on both sides have to shout you down behind a keyboard.

back to the actual topic, OP, there's been really good advice here and the sites that were given should be really helpful. Im very sorry for what happened to you. He is a very cowardly, weak person and fair play to you, for getting so far. It wont be easy, but the nine months will be very rewarding and you'll have a precious gift to treasure forever, so its not all bad. you didnt say if your family were supporting you, but if they are, itd be no harm to stay on there until you get back on your feet. you will come through this. I would try pursue this coward for what he owes in caring for the baby. you deserve that at least.

Chara1001

Irisheyes19 is absolutely right,

There are many single parents out there (including me), who were petrified of the future when everything fell apart with our ex partners. The thing is though, that you can cope. it can be tough but ultimately you and your tiny family really will be ok, and happy- believe it or not:)

You can't force your ex to be involved in your child's life but you certainly can get him to make your life that little bit easier financially. He's a disgrace but he can't shirk all his responsibilities.

I would definitely concentrate on yourself and take the best care of yourself you can. But there's no harm in starting to investigate things out such as legalities and housing etc, that really helped me because it put my mind at rest.

I'm also sorry this happened to you, but what you're going through right now is possibly the very worst part. You will get back on your feet again

The Corinthian

babybelle85 wrote: »

I'm 3 months pregnant and when I told my partner he went crazy and kicked me out of the apartment we shared. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby.

Going crazy and kicking you out of the apartment seems like a rather extreme reaction. Why do you believe he reacted like this? Having some background on this might help in better understanding the dynamics between you and your (now) ex.

Also, how long have you been living together?