Ever just feel pointless ?

How Soon Is Now

Right so where do i start i dont want this post to go on forever and ever.

I find i am spending a lot of time not knowing what to be doing with myself.

I have a long term girl friend where due a baby at end the year that side of my life is not an issue.

I have a great family and some really good mates that ive known a long long time and i trust them with most of my life.

I just find for most of the week im sitting at home pretty much talking to myself.

I use places like here or Facebook to try and make conversation talk about certain topics of interest to me or just pass the time.

But in general i just feel like the only real time anyone pays me any kind of attention is when they dont agree with me.....

Its got to the stage where i think my opinion just doesnt matter in many situations unless i rock the boat im a ghost no one even notices im there.

Starting to question myself because i dont understand it at times. Im not a boring person i never have any problems making conversation i have a lot of interests that span all kinds of areas and im fairly out going person fun person.

So why on a normal day do i feel like no one pays any attention to me unless its something bad ?

lukepaddy2

It sounds like you are becoming depressed, are you working?

How Soon Is Now

lukepaddy2 wrote: »

It sounds like you are becoming depressed, are you working?

Ive been out of work more then a year now. Im studying and working on getting into IT mostly at home at the minute because the course was cheaper.

So ya i spend a lot of time at home i would prefer to be out working but im trying to aim higher then the crap ive spent years working at in the past....

Working in that kinda environment for so long just makes u feel worthless.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you are spending too much time online. You need more real life connection with people, online ones will never give you the kind of feeling of connection and fulfillment that actually getting out and talking and meeting people will do. Being online all the time can be a very negative place to be, you see it with the trolling and negative comments constantly on boards. This sadly is what gets a reaction.
You see it with the constant bullying and nasty comments from randomers, it has become the norm on the internet. People use the internet to vent and say things they wouldn't get away with in real life.
Facebook has recently been proved to make people unhappy/have a negative effect on the mood.
Thing is people find it much easier to stay on the computer than go out and meet a friend.

Whatever you do, do not start to question the kind of person you are based on online communication either here or facebook. Take yourself out of the popularity contest, it'll never make you happy, find enjoyment elsewhere.

How Soon Is Now

user_101 wrote: »

Sounds like you are spending too much time online. You need more real life connection with people, online ones will never give you the kind of feeling of connection and fulfillment that actually getting out and talking and meeting people will do. Being online all the time can be a very negative place to be, you see it with the trolling and negative comments constantly on boards. This sadly is what gets a reaction.
You see it with the constant bullying and nasty comments from randomers, it has become the norm on the internet. People use the internet to vent and say things they wouldn't get away with in real life.
Facebook has recently been proved to make people unhappy/have a negative effect on the mood.
Thing is people find it much easier to stay on the computer than go out and meet a friend.

Whatever you do, do not start to question the kind of person you are based on online communication either here or facebook. Take yourself out of the popularity contest, it'll never make you happy, find enjoyment elsewhere.

See i agree with everything you just said and i know 100 percent what you mean believe me.

But on an every day basis sometimes your left with very little to do apart from be on here. I mean mostly i spend time with my girlfriend do stuff with my family or talk me mates or meet up with them.

But unfortunately there are days and sometimes weeks where i have nothing to do its just me.

Sometimes i feel why do i always have to be the one who has to get in contact with people ? I only hear from people because they need me.

Out of all my best friends maybe one or two will randomly just say hey whats up? The rest i have to get hold of first. This doesnt make them bad mates because when im around them or whatever were really close i wouldn't swap them for anyone.

I just feel its a trend with the people around me including the ones who know me well that basically they dont pay attention to me when i need someone i need to come and get them.

lukepaddy2

Try and do some voluntary work, get out of the house.

How Soon Is Now

lukepaddy2 wrote: »

Try and do some voluntary work, get out of the house.

Dont think im the right kinda person personality wise for that. I dunno ha.

December2012

Why not?

You're not doing anything else.

It would help you.

How Soon Is Now

December2012 wrote: »

Why not?

You're not doing anything else.

It would help you.

Im meant to be studying more for this course but i find myself getting side tracked cause im online.....

Being honest i just dont think that kinda work is for me. Unless it was something i really enjoyed or had an interest in. Id find it hard to take it seriously cause id be doing it for nothing. My head is not in that kinda mode these days.

It suits some people i have a mate who does a bit of it. I just dont think would be for me but i can understand why people who suggest it.

yer man!

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Im meant to be studying more for this course but i find myself getting side tracked cause im online.....

Being honest i just dont think that kinda work is for me. Unless it was something i really enjoyed or had an interest in. Id find it hard to take it seriously cause id be doing it for nothing. My head is not in that kinda mode these days.

It suits some people i have a mate who does a bit of it. I just dont think would be for me but i cant understand why people who suggest it.

You'd be suprised what effect making a small difference has on the mind, you wouldn't be getting paid but you'd be doing good. Even just a few hours a week. Plus you get to meet a lot of people.

How Soon Is Now

yer man! wrote: »

You'd be suprised what effect making a small difference has on the mind, you wouldn't be getting paid but you'd be doing good. Even just a few hours a week. Plus you get to meet a lot of people.

You'd be surprised how my mind works :pac:. Ah im not trying be smart by how im replying honest. If i was gonna do something like that just to get out the house i could think of other things that would need be done that would be of more value to me.

December2012

So why don't you do them?

How Soon Is Now

December2012 wrote: »

So why don't you do them?

Cause i dont feel like getting out of the house is the issue. When i have time to think and time by myself i tend to just sometimes put to much taught into stuff.

I could be out and about and still feel the same. Really the only time im truly happy and able to just get on with things is either being with my girlfriend or out with friends or family.

Some days im fine some days i feel really low and everything no matter how small it is can affect me its as if i start arguments for the sake of it and people just bother me.

Clandestine

I know what you mean.

Like you I probably spend too much time online, but I am going to college in two weeks so I have something to occupy my time, to look forward to etc. But something has been bugging me too. I think its wanting something more.

You mention your issues with too much free time and not enough to do. We all have to find things to do, as apathy is a vice and because of our mental make up we need to seek purpose and entertainment. But, I often think about how pointless seeking work, goals and pleasure seems to be. Lets take pleasure for example, what do people do to give themselves pleasure? They drink, converse, smoke etc. But whats the result? These are things that come and go, there is no meaning them nor any kind of benefits other than short term enjoyment or possibly good experiences (in the case of conversation for example) which leads to more pleasure. Pleasure itself is just a chemical reaction, but its all that gives so many people meaning in their lives. Right now you are passing time or seeking enjoyment by doing things such as posting on facebook to find people who share your interests. Is this give give meaning to your life, if only temporary? The sad truth is, people are too wrapped up in their own issues or tire quickly of others. 99% of people think only about #1 and other people don't come into it. Its human nature and a fact of life. But we still feel the need to validate ourselves to others to give our lives meaning.

I wonder though "whats the point of seeking pleasure or validating yourself when the end result is the same?". Doesn't matter where you've been or what you've done, you're going to be dead in the end, pleasure won't matter and neither will anything else. Hell, in several billion years the sun is going to expand and destroy all life on earth for good. What difference does it make if I get a job, make money and spend the money I make on things I don't need? The earth is f***ed and so is every single person, creature and possible future generation. You're stuck in your house with nothing to do and this morbid reality is probably beginning to become apparent to you, like it has to me, even if its subconsciously.

I guess thats why you are seeking arguments, you want to feel alive. People want to justify their existence, despite what they may say. I want to feel alive too, because I've got to remind myself that I exist when reality creeps in.

This is a bit of a rant and I know I've probably gone a bit off-topic (with edgy nihilism) but thats just my perspective I wanted to share.

How Soon Is Now

Sorry only noticed this now I don't get updates on posts in here.

That's some post mad seriously :-)

Deleted most the people off my Facebook just kept my family and long distance friends everyone else knows how to get hold me if they want to!

I think my state of mind at times is my biggest enemy.

I dunno if anyone's noticed on here ha! But I have a way of going on I tend not to show emotions towards a lot of situation s I guess u could say outside of my family and best friends I'm not the most sympathetic person.

The care bout the things close to my heart and I find because I care very little bout the other stuff I get a disconnected feeling from people sometimes.

I feel really low at times like everything just gets me down and annoys me. But it's strange cause all it takes is 5mins with the right person or thing and I'm myself again......

If I could fix that ha.

Or even switch off my mind at times!

December2012

Would you go talk to a therapist? You have time now - you'll have less time and more pressure when the baby arrives.

How Soon Is Now

December2012 wrote: »

Would you go talk to a therapist? You have time now - you'll have less time and more pressure when the baby arrives.

Least then I won't have time to think ha :-).

How much would that even cost I remember visiting someone like that before over something completely different wasn't cheap!

December2012

Different therapists charge differently.

How much is this problem worth solving to you?

You feel pointless - you need self worth and confidence to be a good partner and father.

ibarelycare

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Least then I won't have time to think ha :-).

How much would that even cost I remember visiting someone like that before over something completely different wasn't cheap!

I posted about this before in here, but PCI College offer low cost counselling services, which cost between €10 and €25 (depending on the location and the counsellor - when you phone them you can stipulate how much you want to spend and what exactly your needs are and they will find you someone appropriate). The counsellors themselves are students, but they're generally mature students and are in their final year of studying. Again, you can request whether you want someone older/younger, male/female, etc. Details here.

Clandestine

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

I dunno if anyone's noticed on here ha! But I have a way of going on I tend not to show emotions towards a lot of situation s I guess u could say outside of my family and best friends I'm not the most sympathetic person. naturally

The care bout the things close to my heart and I find because I care very little bout the other stuff I get a disconnected feeling from people sometimes.

You sound like an ISTP which is what I am too. I get the same feeling of disconnection all the time, I used to think I was a schizoid as a result. It wasn't that, its was because I wasn't naturally in tune with my emotions and I always used logic and thinking in their place. I am not good at expressing feelings and emotions, and because the feeling side of me is so low I end up becoming insensitive as a result. And same as you, bad feelings come and go. I could be back to my old self after a setback within a few minutes.

Look up ISTP online, I got a lot of useful information which helped me out with discovering who I am.

How Soon Is Now

Thanks for all the advice anyway ill look into it over the weekend .

mari2222

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice anyway ill look into it over the weekend .

May i suggest you look at a way of helping elders use the internet.? This would be fantastic voluntary work and obviously you are well able to do that. Also no matter what itis, i think you need to have an achievement every day, something done that you hoped to do, big or small. A place to go is the local library just to get out of the house is good. And read all the public notices to see what is going on. You have loads to offer, even if you are quiet. Just having your health puts you ahead of so many.......
This is a tough time for you, be strong and things will get better.
Take care.

How Soon Is Now

mari2222 wrote: »

May i suggest you look at a way of helping elders use the internet.? This would be fantastic voluntary work and obviously you are well able to do that. Also no matter what itis, i think you need to have an achievement every day, something done that you hoped to do, big or small. A place to go is the local library just to get out of the house is good. And read all the public notices to see what is going on. You have loads to offer, even if you are quiet. Just having your health puts you ahead of so many.......
This is a tough time for you, be strong and things will get better.
Take care.

Been feeling a lot better last few days actually i just seem to go threw stages of being up and down thats why its confusing !.

Im one of these people that when im in good form im on a high and everythings grand but when im having a bad day i hit rock bottom.

JoePdw

are you posting here to get attention?

How Soon Is Now

JoePdw wrote: »

are you posting here to get attention?

Honestly no.

I dont need that kinda attention.

the_monkey

is your wife/gf working ? how will you support the baby ?

How Soon Is Now

the_monkey wrote: »

is your wife/gf working ? how will you support the baby ?

Sorry im only seeing this now.

Shes doing a course herself at the moment while shes free.

Im looking for work nearly every day most days just cant find anything worth while or decent. Why im back studying further in IT so give myself a better chance at finding something half decent.

For the moment we will be ok.