Wee bit confused!

Laaw Raahhhh

Ok so not a big problem in the grand scheme of things and I am probably overthinking something that I should instead just enjoy but want opinions.

Basically I posted on here a few weeks ago about meeting up with a guy who was soon to leave for Australia. He would have been under the impression that we would be having sex when we met up but I did not want this as I was not into having casual sex. The advice was to tell him I didn't want to have sex. I did tell him this and he reacted in the best way possible saying he still wanted to meet me and go on a date and all that. However, we never found the time to actually meet in the end, both he and I were very busy and he lives 2 hours away, both of us having no car.

Since then we have still been in touch, texting a few days each week. The conversations are both friendly, asking how each other’s day was and how we are getting on and also really sexual. He plans to come home in November for good and still wants to meet me. I, however, will be emigrating in January for a year or so traveling around Asia, and so I guess I am in the same predicament again.

I want to meet him, and a really big part of me wants to have sex with him, but I also want for us to properly like each other for that to happen. I still don’t want to have casual sex but I also can’t expect much from him in terms of a relationship or anything, I shouldn’t even want one with going away. I think he’ll still want to meet me as he did before. I don’t want to be leading him on with sexting him but we both really enjoy it, and while he is at a distance I am not too emotionally invested and it's just fun. Actually having sex would be much more intimate obviously. I have told him a few times that I don’t actually want to have sex straight away on meeting him. He still is totally fine with this.

Is it a bit selfish and stupid for me to actually want him to like me with me emigrating in January? I am worried that it would just really be sex for him; I don’t think he is like that really and don’t want to go accusing him of being like that either, I know not all guys just want to have meaningless sex. I guess I don’t want to have sex with him just in case that is all I am to him and I start to like him. Even though I do think he wouldn’t be texting a girl on the other side of the world if all he was after was getting laid and didn’t actually like me a wee bit, surely there are easier ways to get sex!

Guess my overthinking is leading me to ramble so I’ll leave it at that!

heretochat

So what are you actually asking advice for here? You say you don't want to have sex with him in the window while he is home and before you want to go away.. You say you have communicated this to him and that he is fine with it..

You are happy to text (sext) him while he is away and he seems to be the same..

Enjoy it for what it is.. And don't be stressing about it is what I would say..

sbsquarepants

You say you don't want meaningless sex, which is fine - but what puzzles me is why you think it would be meaningless? This thing has been ongoing for months now - what's meaningless about that? You may not be able to settle down to a life of domestic bliss together the following morning, but that doesn't mean it's without it's meaning - i say go for it. Life is short!

gg2

Agree with above post - he's hardly going to be a one night stand at this stage? Surely the two of you could come up with some type if arrangement to be each others bit of fun, as such, until you go away

blatantrereg

You seem to be fixating on sex while he seems happy to take things as they come.
Have you actually met him in person? It reads to me like you haven't, but met online or something.
It's best not to fixate on sex - or on "having a relationship" - when you're meeting people. Both are things to let develop naturally.

joeguevara

blatantrereg wrote: »

You seem to be fixating on sex while he seems happy to take things as they come.
Have you actually met him in person? It reads to me like you haven't, but met online or something.
It's best not to fixate on sex - or on "having a relationship" - when you're meeting people. Both are things to let develop naturally.

Op says they met up. Op should not think too much, meet up and enjoy yourself. Regret the things you don't do and not the things you do.nif you meet up and don't want to sleep with him,mthen don't. He sounds like a bloke who will respect your decision either way.

Laaw Raahhhh

I guess in all honest what I am asking is should I have sex with him but I realise that is a daft question!

I wanted to take things slowly with the next guy I got involved with, to really like someone before having sex, but we don't have a lot of time and it is not going to develop into a relationship with me going away!

But then I still don't want to just have sex with him because I did want the romance and to really like someone and know they like me back. I worry that the thing that is keeping him interested is the promise of sex, about 70% of our conversations are very sexual, and even though he has said he is ok not having sex straight away when we meet I worry I am leading him on and that he does really think we will have sex or that if we do have sex it wouldn't mean much to him.

Hope that makes sense, I probably am just thinking too much about it too much cause I don't want to have sex with him in case he loses interest cause it was the sex that kept him interested all this time!

Also we have met in person once, on a night out in my home town, with him going back to his county the next day.

THT

Laaw Raahhhh wrote: »

I guess in all honest what I am asking is should I have sex with him but I realise that is a daft question!

I wanted to take things slowly with the next guy I got involved with, to really like someone before having sex, but we don't have a lot of time and it is not going to develop into a relationship with me going away!

But then I still don't want to just have sex with him because I did want the romance and to really like someone and know they like me back. I worry that the thing that is keeping him interested is the promise of sex, about 70% of our conversations are very sexual, and even though he has said he is ok not having sex straight away when we meet I worry I am leading him on and that he does really think we will have sex or that if we do have sex it wouldn't mean much to him.

Hope that makes sense, I probably am just thinking too much about it too much cause I don't want to have sex with him in case he loses interest cause it was the sex that kept him interested all this time!

Also we have met in person once, on a night out in my home town, with him going back to his county the next day.

Do you think he likes you?

If you want to have sex and he likes you then have sex. I don't see the big deal.

Worst thing that happens is he loses interest. That would be pretty good because then you realise he's not for you as he was only pretending to like you.

DangerMouse27

Hi Laww Rahhh!

I have to say, trust your instincts on this one. At this point, it doesnt seem like he wants anything else but sex. I will explain, in your own words..

"He would have been under the impression that we would be having sex when we met up"
Did you meet through a website of friends? Thats an awfully big assumption for him to have arrived at.

"Also we have met in person once, on a night out in my home town"
Just once? and for the conversation to be based on sex now, I think this has only one conclusion..

"I worry that the thing that is keeping him interested is the promise of sex, about 70% of our conversations are very sexual"
I think you have answered your own worries at this stage. 70% is quite high. Its easy to sext someone..

"Even though I do think he wouldn’t be texting a girl on the other side of the world if all he was after was getting laid"
On the contrary, its easy for a guy to do it. This message board is full of husbands and wives finding sexts on their significant others phones.

"I worry I am leading him on"
You are, 100% leading him on, thats not even in doubt. Especially if your correspondence is mainly about sex (70%)

If your looking for a guys perspective? He just wants sex.
Plus on the basis of your sexting, he reckons you might just want that too.

All the best.

LiberateYa

You said with you emigrating in January ? or was that a typo ? at first you said hes emigrating to Australia. Sounds like he just wants a shag !! Sounds like you are not sure what you want from him, and that you possibly might like just getting a shag from him too .. I don't know...