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Complicated

  • 19-08-2013 4:00pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43


    Hey I have a two part problem issue. One is medical related so I don’t know if I can get help here (maybe people can pass on helpful links or something) & the other is personal.

    I have been dating a girl for the past couple of weeks. She’s nice and we get on fine but I don’t really see her as “the one”. I have a habit in the past of cutting relationships short really early (after one or two dates) if I felt she wasn’t the one or had potential to be. So kinda like a new year’s resolution as I’m not getting any younger, I said I would try out relationships longer this year to give them more of a chance to see if something would develop. So I decided I would do it with this girl.

    So we’ve meet up a couple of times, mostly on nights out over the past couple of weeks. Actually during last week a buddy of mine asked me about her and I said she was cool but she was starting to get a bit clingy and its probably best I cut ties sooner rather than later. He said keep dating her for awhile and it would become obvious it wouldn’t work out. I said she’s becoming a bit clingy because she would be way more invested in the relationship than I am. She’s 32 and I’m 29 so I guess starting a serious relationship for her is way more a priority for her. She texts me a good bit and initiates the conversations and suggestions to meet up. She’s kinda chasing me while I’m kinda just sticking it out at this point to see if something changes my mind.

    Before the weekend I knew this was the last weekend either of us would be around for. As ill be away and she would be away for the next two weeks. So I said to myself if I meet up with her and I still don’t feel it…the two week gap would be a good opportunity to have the talk and say I don’t see it working out (I was thinking time apart would make the split easier).

    We have gone to bed together 3 times before this weekend but we never had penetrative sex. She told me she hasn’t had sex in over a year which I presumed this was because of preference. I would finger her and she would masturbate me and give me oral (no condoms). So we got into bed on Saturday night, doing the same foreplay. But she told me she wanted to have sex with me but couldn’t and started crying. She told me she was diagnosed with Genital Human Pappillovavirus (HPV) which she contracted off her ex over 14 months ago. Apparently for 90% of people it goes away within 24 months. She said we could have sex with a condom with me but if we did, she would become ‘attached’ to me (she was a bit drunk at the time). She was still crying and I consoled her and thanked her for telling me and we went to sleep. The next morning we didn’t talk about it and I left after breakfast.

    So my first question is about contracting HPV. We never had penetrative sex, with or without a condom. But could I have contracted it from her by fingering her and then using the same hand seconds later to masturbate myself? FYI from what I’ve read online, there are no STI tests to check if I guy has it. I don’t think somebody here could give me medical advice but could somebody provide a link that answers the above question? All I’ve read is that it’s passed from skin contact of the penis and vagina, but nothing about the possibility of indirect contact.

    The second issue is how complicated it is now to trying and end the relationship. Whatever I do, it’ll just look like I did it because of the HPV and that would be very hard to take for her. Even tho I think she knows she is way more invested in the relationship than I am, it maybe was the reason she said she would become ‘attached’ to me if we had sex. Any thoughts on the best way to end it?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭dearg lady


    Sounds like she hasn't got a clue what she's talking about, and is giving you misinformation. You were going to end it anyway, so just finish it, there's no point dragging it out.
    Re the HPV, there's lot's of different strains, go to the doctor and talk to them about your concerns, they will be able to advise you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 scared_silly


    dearg lady wrote: »
    Sounds like she hasn't got a clue what she's talking about, and is giving you misinformation. You were going to end it anyway, so just finish it, there's no point dragging it out.
    Re the HPV, there's lot's of different strains, go to the doctor and talk to them about your concerns, they will be able to advise you.

    Thanks for the reply.

    I don't follow you with part in bold. She is giving me misinformation?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭dearg lady


    yes, the information she gave you sounds quite inaccurate to me. As I say, go to the doctor to discuss your concerns


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43 scared_silly


    dearg lady wrote: »
    yes, the information she gave you sounds quite inaccurate to me. As I say, go to the doctor to discuss your concerns

    But what she told me is the same as what I read on multiple places online :confused:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,091 ✭✭✭dearg lady


    But what she told me is the same as what I read on multiple places online :confused:

    Any kind of medical advice isn't allowed, so as I said, go to your doctor if you have concerns


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I personally wouldn't believe anything you read online. It's generally a good practice to just ignore it. Go to the doctor and discuss it with them or even go to a STI clinic, tell them your worries (if you've never been before to one, they ask some very personal questions, so be prepared). They can do a screen and give you a 100% diagnoses. If you've never had a screening before, then you should do it anyways, just expressing your concerns.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Just to re-iterate the other posters OP. While posters can offer advice on how to end the relationship, they cannot answer your first question as we are not qualified nor permitted to give medical advice.

    Cheers


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    It's unfortunate timing but you can't stay with the girl because she told you she has an STI and you don't wanna hurt her feelings. You're not into her, finish with her. Do it kindly and clearly. Be honest and tell her it's nothing to do with the hpv.


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