Help With Toxic Family Member

LegacyUser

Going unregistered for this.

My mother passed away earlier this year, and since then, everything has gotten really complicated.
My mother was relatively unwell for the majority of my life, and due to bad doctors she was prescribed things that she never should have been prescribed. They were slowly killing her, and in the end, that's what they did.

Last year, after a particularly close call, she finally agreed to go into a drug rehabilitation centre, which had a few months waiting list. Sadly, she never got to go there.

Now, to the main point. After the close call, my granny said she couldn't deal with my mother anymore and cut her off. No contact, other than nasty text messages a few times a week. This broke my mother's heart. She then contacted social services and tried to get my brother taken off my parents (who were separated). She made up lies and stories, and it took months for social services to leave us alone.

The night before the funeral, after everyone had left or gone to bed, she pulled me aside. She said that my dad had no right to be at the funeral, and that she was entitled to be the most upset. I think it was tiredness that stopped me going mad at her, but I haven't forgotten.

Since then, she's taken me and my brother out for dinner a few times and feigned an interest in our lives, but seems to be trying to tear us apart. Most recently, she called me a liar.

I think these are all valid reasons to cut her out, but I don't know how. I'm just about 20, so I've never had to deal with anything like this before, let alone by myself. Any sort of advice is appreciated, I'm really stuck here.

dudara

I think you've answered your own questions here, but maybe a little outside perspective is what you need to firm up your mind.

If I'm reading this correctly, your own grandmother called you a "liar". Is it worth dealing with that?

Lisha

Op

Dudara pretty much hit the nail on the head I think

You are so young to have gone through what you have. It sounds like things have been rough for a while.

Would you consider counseling ? There are group therapies for family members of this'd addicted to meds.

You now need to put down the foundations for the rest of your life.
Make it about you and your needs for a while.

And really a toxic family member will only hinder, not help you.

Best of luck op and please accept my condolences on your loss.

callmepetardu

OP here. Not bothered signing back out, haha.

Dudara, that's exactly it. I know that I need to do it, it's more the matter of actually doing it that I've the issue with. Am I 100% right to do it? It's just that she is family after all.

Lisha, have you any idea where I could get this kind of counselling? I'm coping much better and I'm proud of myself, but I really could do with help. I've heard of counselling for those effected by prescription drugs in the family, but never actually found anywhere.

And thank you both

ManOfMystery

You've been through a very hard time, and normally when people go through things like this they have close family & friends to help them and support them. Although your granny may be family, it certainly doesn't seem like she's really helping you in any way.

Just because someone is 'family' doesn't mean they have a license to treat others how they like. Whilst I'm lucky enough to get on well with virtually all my family, there is one member of the extended family who I would happily never see again. You shouldn't feel any guilt about cutting out people like this. If they are not bringing anything positive to your life and are actually affecting you negatively, and you have made efforts to show them the error of their ways, then don't waste any more time on them.

Lisha

callmepetardu wrote: »

OP here. Not bothered signing back out, haha.

Dudara, that's exactly it. I know that I need to do it, it's more the matter of actually doing it that I've the issue with. Am I 100% right to do it? It's just that she is family after all.

Lisha, have you any idea where I could get this kind of counselling? I'm coping much better and I'm proud of myself, but I really could do with help. I've heard of counselling for those effected by prescription drugs in the family, but never actually found anywhere.

And thank you both

Would you ask your gp for details of counsellor s in your area?
Or look in phone book for al anon, aa, or na numbers. They will direct you.
Or ask local public health nurse for details .

Sorry I can't be more helpful

Best of luck to you

Edit these links might help a bit but hopefully your gp could help with local info

http://www.drugs.ie/services/


http://www.accesscounselling.ie/Family/Group-Counselling-Dublin.html

http://www.familytherapyireland.com/

Sorry to keep adding but I'd also recommend book 'co-dependent no more' it really helps you to analyse how we deal with family dynamics and to stop enabling toxic behaviours