Lonely whilst all my friends are in relationships

LegacyUser

Hi, just looking for some advice I guess. Maybe other people are in a similar position to me or have been before. Anyway, I've only got a couple of people I'd classify as "friends". The problem is that they're all currently in relationships so I'm literally always stuck with not much to do with myself. They don't want to go out at the weekends because they see no point when they are in relationships, so when I do see them all we do is just have a few drinks in my house. I'm 23 years old and I was in a 3 year relationship until I was 21 when I was dumped by text. This hurt me pretty badly and tbh it still hurts me now. The first year since breaking up with her wasn't too bad, I always had at least one single friend but now since they're all with people it just seems to be getting worse. It's so annoying logging on to Facebook and seeing people always having something to do. I realize that facebook can present a distorted image of peoples lives but in fairness the pictures always show people who are having fun or just doing stuff! I've 300 friends on it but in reality 4 are actual friends I just feel so down at having nothing to do all the time, especially when I'm so young. And the more time I'm spending away from the opposite sex, the lower my confidence with girls is getting. How do I overcome this?

ivytwine

You said it yourself, Facebook distorts the picture. We've all been on dire nights out where smiling for a picture was far more important than actually having fun! There's actually research out at the moment saying that Facebook can lead to people having negative thoughts about themselves, so maybe take a step back from it.

You say you were in a three-year relationship until you were 21? No wonder you're feeling a bit lost. These years are the time to grow and develop into your own person and now's the time for a change of attitude.

Firstly, just because your friends are in relationships doesn't mean they're happy. There are positives and negatives to both being single and being coupled up, but a lonely relationship is far lonelier than being alone.

And what's to stop you expanding your circle? Find something you're passionate about and get involved in. Say yes to every invitation that comes your way, even if you're not too sure.

I know how it feels to be unsure of the rules of the dance when you get back into dating again, but making finding a man the primary focus of your life is a surefire way to repel them. Join a club, start a sport or a hobby, move away, focus on your career/college, live your own life; it's no less valid for being solo.

Podgers

I agree with ivytwine.

At your current age, with no ties there is so much to do you don't realise.

i was in a relationship when i was 17 for 10 years. My friends that was going traveling random weekends away etc i was doing the opposite. comfortable in the house etc doing whatever my partner wanted to do.

No the past few years i could never be happier, even most of my friends seem to be getting married im enjoying my single life. there are curtain comforts in a relationship that can be missed but if you keep yourself busy they are the last things you think about.

you could join some clubs, try some sports, drama groups, do some evening courses, look at doing some traveling maybe? theres macra too where there's plenty of people from 18 to 35 single and couples that do social activities.

Personally i think if can be happy with being on your own and content in yourself when you enter a relationship it will be better. i know people that just go into a relationship for the sake of having someone there, just for the convenience of it all.

leon_jones

You should join a team . soccer, gaa etc ,you will meet lots of people and then make friends to do things with .Any team i have ever been on the lads have always been very welcoming . You should try it anyway , soccer season is only starting now so u can still join .

LegacyUser

ivytwine wrote: »

I know how it feels to be unsure of the rules of the dance when you get back into dating again, but making finding a man the primary focus of your life is a surefire way to repel them. .

I am a man so I won't be finding a man! I think the fact i'm a man with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old doesn't help matters. That was my first serious relationship. And only in the last few months while my mates have got with their girlfriends have I really had time to think about my ex. All I do is dwell on the fact that I loved the girl and that I won't find anyone again who I can have that feeling with. I find it hard also to deal with the thought that my ex has clearly moved on by now and can probably hook up with guys whenever she wants. I can't do that with girls because of a combination of confidence issues & not getting to places like bars more often. Unless I went to bars solo but that would seem slightly strange

PingO_O

lonely2013 wrote: »

I am a man so I won't be finding a man! I think the fact i'm a man with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old doesn't help matters. That was my first serious relationship. And only in the last few months while my mates have got with their girlfriends have I really had time to think about my ex. All I do is dwell on the fact that I loved the girl and that I won't find anyone again who I can have that feeling with. I find it hard also to deal with the thought that my ex has clearly moved on by now and can probably hook up with guys whenever she wants. I can't do that with girls because of a combination of confidence issues & not getting to places like bars more often. Unless I went to bars solo but that would seem slightly strange

Oh god I remember that feeling alright. Went through a similar thing op and I'm talking a year later still not over her etc. All I can say is there does come a day when you do start to believe you can find someone else but you're not in that place right now so I'd try to stop mulling over it.

My advice would be unless there's a really good reason for you to stay on Facebook just disable your account, because you're just seeing pics of her, pics of your fb friends and you're assuming their lives are amazing just based on what you see, I did the same thing and it just got me down. A the very least turn off the notifications you get from her page.

It just feels like you're eager to get out hooking up with girls to try and get over this lady, so maybe forget about that for awhile, get working on the things people mentioned above, having fun, meeting new people, working on your confidence.

The main thing is to get yourself a solid group of genuine friends, easier said than done i know, but if you start with the advice above you'll do yourself a massive favour, the ladies will come around again don't worry about that.

ivytwine

lonely2013 wrote: »

I am a man so I won't be finding a man! I think the fact i'm a man with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old doesn't help matters. That was my first serious relationship. And only in the last few months while my mates have got with their girlfriends have I really had time to think about my ex. All I do is dwell on the fact that I loved the girl and that I won't find anyone again who I can have that feeling with. I find it hard also to deal with the thought that my ex has clearly moved on by now and can probably hook up with guys whenever she wants. I can't do that with girls because of a combination of confidence issues & not getting to places like bars more often. Unless I went to bars solo but that would seem slightly strange

Jeepers sorry, I must read these things more carefully! Anyway, I know that feeling too but it will get better. I remember the first time I fell in love after my ex and I broke up, it was so liberating and amazing knowing that my heart was capable of that again. And it will happen for you too, just don't force it