Problems with child's father

LegacyUser

Long story short my child's father and I have had a very rocky time. Firstly we were never together when I got pregnant just casual friends, when my daughter was afew months old he got a girlfriend and literally fell off the face of the earth when it came to my little one, roll on 4 years we have somehow managed to build a friendship and a relationship between him and his daughter and I see him as a great friend. Problem is he has just got back with this girlfriend.

I am in bits as I really feel it's going to happen all over again. I don't know what to do as if I say I won't let him see our daughter if he is with her I know he will break up with her but our friendship will be ruined and if I say nothing I know my daughter will loose him again and this time she will understand. Just to add he is only back in physical contact with our daughter for less than three months before this he was living abroad and everything was over the phone. He really went down hill when he was with her last time and she did horrible things to him, his family and friends hate her for all she has done.
I feel sick everytime I think about it, I just don't know how I can be ok with this but I want him to be happy but I think our friendship is over either way

The_Conductor

It is a pretty awful situation- no matter what you do, you can't win.
If, as seems probable, she has gotten her claws into him again- all you can do is try to make sure your little girl at very least sees her grandparents, uncles/aunts/cousins- so she doesn't feel that she only has your family (even if for all intents and purposes, you and your family are all she has).

Situations like this are always awful- all you can really do is try to figure whats in the best interests of your little one- and in this case, the best of the bad situation may be that she has regular contact with her father's parents/siblings/nieces-nephews- so even if he is a stronzo, and she is going to suffer, she at least knows that she is loved by many many people.

clairefontaine

There's nothing you can do about. These situations are like living in a hurricane belt, you just have to roll with the punches.

Just make sure she knows its not her fault.

Big Bag of Chips

The one thing you should never do, is tell him he can't see his daughter for any reason.... Because this makes it too easy to turn you into the bad guy. You have no control over him or his choices and actions. And if you try to control him, it will end badly.

Best you can do is encourage him to maintain the contact he has established. And regardless of your opinion of his gf, you need to stop focusing on her. If he stops seeing his daughter because of her, that is entirely HIS fault. She mightn't be the nicest person in the world, but if he chooses his relationship with her, over his relationship with his daughter, then he is the one at fault, not her.

I hope it'll work out for you.

LegacyUser

OP, what right have you to deny your daughter access to her father?

If you're not dating him, what right have you to decide who he is involved with?

fussyonion

I can't stand bitter ex girlfriends who claim to still love their boyfriends, then punish the guy when he meets someone else.
Really grinds my gears.
Don't punish your child by denying her the right to know her father.
Your bitterness and jealousy is something you need help with.

maria34

depends how that girlfriend is like. if she is nasty towards your child or a druguser, ofcourse i wouldnt let my child near her.

so depends what kind of person she is really.