Loving someone v in love with someone

LegacyUser

So my ex and I hooked up last weekend, thur and fri. We have been together a couple of times since we broke up and we have a child together. We have always gotten on well enough, I mean never had a big row or anything and tell each other personal stuff still. I guess I'm just wondering whats the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.


When we finished on sun night she held me for ages (well felt like ages) stopping me from moving and said 'I might not be in love with you but I love you so much'. What's even meant to mean like? this is also the reason we ended it cause she wasn't 'in love'.


On top of that she is now in one of her moods that she norm goes in after we meet up whereby 'nothing is wrong' but she's just short with her communication.

heretochat

May be way off beam here but could it be that she "loves" you as a father to your child, she sees you're a good dad etc., she "loves" the type of person you are etc...

However, she does not see you as someone she will give her heart and soul to and spend the rest of her life with...

Just my thoughts

Virgil°

The harsh reality of it is that , although she still cares for you as a person greatly she doesn't find herself sexually attracted to you anymore.

This is a fairly common way for relationships to break up.

Sorry OP ,chin up.

mashedbanana

Ah hang on a second here now! When you say ye hooked up, ye did the business? and your her child's dad? and she was hanging onto you for ages, wouldn't let you move, so she could tell you her feelings? and since then she's kind of keeping her distance?

Did YOU tell her how YOU feel? Was she expecting something MORE from you, after ye did the business?

I think that she said she's 'not in love' is a way of guarding her heart, not to lose face.

BraziliaNZ

She's not excited by you anymore. You don't make her heart flutter etc. She may still have sex with you but it's not what she wants. That's what "not in love" means most of the time.

ShaShaBear

mashedbanana wrote: »

Ah hang on a second here now! When you say ye hooked up, ye did the business? and your her child's dad? and she was hanging onto you for ages, wouldn't let you move, so she could tell you her feelings? and since then she's kind of keeping her distance?

Did YOU tell her how YOU feel? Was she expecting something MORE from you, after ye did the business?

I think that she said she's 'not in love' is a way of guarding her heart, not to lose face.

More often than not I would disagree with this and say that she simply doesn't love you romantically any more, but is comforable with you.

However in this instance based on what you said, mashedbanana seems to be on the money. I think she is saying that she is no longer in love with you because she thinks you are no longer in love with her. I think she was hoping you would, at that point in bed together, tell her you love her too.

Regardless of how she feels, letting go of the father of your child would be very difficult. A lot of first-time single mothers will give things another go with the daddy because of this feeling. Sometimes they are right to and they end up very happy. But I would sense that she is afraid of rejection, probably based on the events that led to you splitting initially. If you feel you still love her romantically, tell her. However, having sex with her if you do not feel this way is no good for anyone, least of all your child.

December2012

Forget about what she said, what do you want?

Do you love her? Do you want to try again?

Think, very seriously about what you want.

If you want to start afresh with her, then ask her to do it, straight up and honestly.

shy_boy

bloke8000 wrote: »

So my ex and I hooked up last weekend, thur and fri. We have been together a couple of times since we broke up and we have a child together. We have always gotten on well enough, I mean never had a big row or anything and tell each other personal stuff still. I guess I'm just wondering whats the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.


When we finished on sun night she held me for ages (well felt like ages) stopping me from moving and said 'I might not be in love with you but I love you so much'. What's even meant to mean like? this is also the reason we ended it cause she wasn't 'in love'.


On top of that she is now in one of her moods that she norm goes in after we meet up whereby 'nothing is wrong' but she's just short with her communication.

I know it sounds cruel but she could what somebody else but is finding hard leaving go of you because your such a good dad?dosent want the hardship of being a single mom? Having to introduce somone else to child? Child support etc etc..

jdsk2006

Or maybe this girl is confused by too many romcoms! Real life relationships are not all sparks and flutters forever, nor does that initial excitment of meeting and getting to know eachother last! Kids arrive and threaten to suck
the passion out of any couple.
True love is a deep emotional connection, a friendship that surpasses all others and a total contentment and happiness in each others company! I think you two need talk cos its very possible the biggest issue between you is having little faith in what ye have

pharmaton

If ye broke up initially because she wasn't "in love" with you then I'd say she just cares deeply about you, as the father of her child and as someone she has shared a great deal of life with. Handy though that while waiting for her knight in shining armour to arrive that she has you for a fb.