Dilemma - please advise?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Would need some help with this one and would really appreciate your thoughts.

Two women pregnant to the same man. One almost 8 months, the other almost 3. He has been lying and cheating to both of them. Very long story. 8 month one knows but 3 month one doesnt have a clue at all.

So far it seems that man has no notion at all of telling 3 month one.

Do you think that 3 month one should be told? If you do, how should she be told?

Neyite

OP, is this a personal issue for you, or are you looking for a general discussion?

LegacyUser

Yes, it is an issue, wanting genuine advice please. Not just discussion.

ibarelycare

I take it you're asking should you tell her? Your post is way too vague. It completely depends on your involvement in this situation and what your relationship is with the people involved.

maria34

i know only one thing - any child shouldnt die in her mummys belly just because its dad is a cheat and a scumbag.

CaraMay

Didn't you post before asking whether or not you should tell your boyfriends pregnant mistress that you are also pregnant and you were advised not to?

Neyite

Well, you are not the man in this situation, nor are you the pregnant one oblivious to the other woman, so that leaves you as either the one who is 8 months pregnant, or none of the three directly involved.

If I were the one who was 8 months pregnant, I'd contact her and tell her as ultimately thats a step-sibling to my child.

If you are none of the three directly involved, then I don't think its your business to say anything.

IrishEyes19

I'm assuming you are eight months pregnant. If not. apologies. But if its the case, I think you should keep your mouth shut until you know you are doing it for the right reasons, I think your reasons right now are petty and for your own personal needs. I dont mean to be harsh, I know it cant be easy. But until you come to terms with the situation and want to reach out to a potential sibling for your child's interest, you have no business hurting someone else with such news. In the long run they will have to know. But three months is so early on and this other woman needs to be able to make independent choices on what's best for her and the child without devasting news blinding her.

Fluorescence

Tough call. If you know the 3 months woman well, you should tell her. If you only know of her, then maybe stay out of it. It's impossible to say for sure though.

maria34 wrote: »

i know only one thing - any child shouldnt die in her mummys belly just because its dad is a cheat and a scumbag.

What has that got to do with anything the op asked??

maria34

Fluorescence wrote: »

Tough call. If you know the 3 months woman well, you should tell her. If you only know of her, then maybe stay out of it. It's impossible to say for sure though.



What has that got to do with anything the op asked??

It has if that girl who is 3 minths gone runs for an abortion after finding it out. Women full of hormones and getting such a schock may do things they regret all their life long.

maria34

Well that was my option. People are different and react different.

jdsk2006

Seems to me there are two very innocent children being brought into a potentially horrible situation. It looks like your the girlfriend.....but it would help us massively if you explained the situation in more detail as its near impossible to advise you on that info

ABajaninCork

I'd tell the father to tell the other lady about the half sibling. It's not fair on the babies who've been dragged into this dog's mess. If he doesn't, then no doubt someone else will. News like this won't be secret for long. I'd keep out of it, OP.

And I would be telling both ladies to get themselves tested for STD's quick smart. Looks as though Lover Boy doesn't know how/want to put a cap on it...

LegacyUser

Dilemma123456 wrote: »

Hi all. Would need some help with this one and would really appreciate your thoughts.

Two women pregnant to the same man. One almost 8 months, the other almost 3. He has been lying and cheating to both of them. Very long story. 8 month one knows but 3 month one doesnt have a clue at all.


So far it seems that man has no notion at all of telling 3 month one.

Do you think that 3 month one should be told? If you do, how should she be told?

He didn't double date or even cheat once or twice. For the love of God tell her immediately and leave her to make her own decisions. Her life is not your problem but leaving her in a state of ignorance is criminal.

Taltos

maria34 - per our charter keep your comments constructive and civil. Flaming posts such as this are not welcome and only serve to derail such threads.

I know this might be an emotive topic for some, but please keep your posts pertinent to the request at hand. Flaming, scaremongering or supposition only lead to off topic discussions.

Thanks
Taltos

LifesgoodwithLG

*

ash23

I think this was posted about before. And I'm going to say the same thing again. Let the woman who is just pregnant make her own decision without interfering.

Once she has decided whether or not to continue with the pregnancy (as if memory serves she was having doubts as the dad to be is not very supportive), then make a decision from there. If she terminates the pregnancy there is no need to tell her anything. If she proceeds with the pregnancy then the two babies have the right to know each other as they are half siblings so at that point I would tell her.

But I'd leave her to make her own choice without interfering initially.

Magicmatilda

In my opinion both children have a right to know that they have a half sibling. Both women would do well to be civil each other for the sake of the children.