losing my mind

fishyfish

Im in a dilly of a pickle and id love an an outside looking in view

Right ive been off an on with my temperamental girlfriend we have been together for over a year now and have moved in to a new place together to make a real go of things but sadly this isn’t happening . we moved in and that was stressful enough because we were both feeling a little poorly. Saying to each other that this is the fresh start we need.
I went to visit my friend for the night and when I came back there was an odd smell in the house a smell of old drink and something else. I thought nothing of it just smell of a session. I was feeling rough myself so I went to bed and my side of the bed smelled of another man and there was a condom missing from my condom draw.
Said nothing just kept it to myself
Fast forward to last weekend. she disappear for the whole weekend and came back stinking of another man and made pants excuse. So I dealt with all of this very badly and got DRUNK. she then tells me she has lost the spark and isn’t sure if she loves me. I tried to talk with her about it and she told me she needs space.
I am now sleeping in the spare room like a foul.
told a friend and all he said was come live with him get away fast but he never liked her so i dont know


Should I find a new place to live?
How tied am I to the lease?
Am I being taken for a ride ?

Dixie Chick

God almighty, she had another man in your bed? Lose you lease deposit and run, and best of luck in future to you.

heretochat

I would have been out of there after the first incident...

Redsox Rover

I have to say OP you need to get out of there ASAP. You already had doubts before you moved, she has been on off for over a year now and you are in your new place 5 minutes and she has another man in your bed. Why would you even consider staying?

Trust me i know its difficuly when you care for someone to just leave but sometimes its for the best for both parties. Now that she has said she needs space this is an opportunity for you both to really confront your issues and decide if you are willing to really work on this relationship.

It sounds to me from your post that you have already made the decision but are looking for assurance. The very fact that you came home and knew some other man was in your bed and you kept it to yourself speaks volumes. I know if that was me and i really cared for someone it would drive me mad and i would have to confront them.

If her cheating on you really doesnt bother you that much then that should tell you everything you need to know.

Regarding the lease it will depend on the term of the lease. generally it is a 12 month lease and once signed you are technically liable for the 12 months. However generally you can give 30 days notice to the landlord and forfeit your deposit. I am not a legal expert or an expert on lease documents. I am just speaking from experience.

I hope you get sorted out soon OP.

fishyfish

i was in a nasty car crash where they had to cut me out of the car about 3 weeks ago. thankfully i wasnt at fault and not a scratch on my bar a bruise on my leg where i punched my self in the leg and a pretty bad head ache for 3 solid days coz i hit my head really hard she didnt seem to care overly. my friends were more worried about me. i am basically waiting on the money from i can move any where.

she told me im being selfish for wanting to talk about things and as find out why she has lost this spark and no long interested in intimacy. i rubbed her shoulder the night be for being asked to sleep in the spare room and she recoilled from my touch.

so the best thing for me is to cut and run ? do i have to inform the letting agent to take my name off the lease ? should i sit down with her and say im leaving or just leave ?

Redsox Rover

I would sit her down and tell her that you are leaving and why. Be honest but not cruel.

You will need to inform the letting agent as you will still be liable for any damage done to the property or any outstanding rent if you have not given the required notice.

OP it sounds as if you have had a pretty bad time of it and she has been of no support. I really do believe it is in your best interests to get out ASAP. Take your friend up on his offer and stay with him until you are financially sound. Give your notice in writing immediately and sit your girlfriend down.

Do not be a coward about it. She may not have been supportive but leaving without saying anyting will only make things worse. Be clear and concise in what you are saying. Do you not descend into insults or playing the blame game. Just discuss the relationship and tell her its over.

Once you have sorted that out and all other relevant matters have been resolved cut contact completely and begin to rebuild your life.

ManOfMystery

I'm a bit shocked at this thread OP, and your reactions to her behaviour. She's treating you like a doormat. Why haven't you read her the riot act?

fishyfish

oh i will but i want to get my living arrangments sorted first as i dont trust her as far as i can throw her. i have a few things up my seleeve which i will politely make her award of.

i have felt sick to my core havent been eating and have had a wee cry in the shower so she cant hear me a few times. once i get my cheque for the writen off car ill be moving out and cutting all contact

endacl

Tbh, I'd be taking your friends offer. Get out now. You can sort things out just as easily from there. Phone your letting agent too and explain the situation. If they have any humanity at all, they should do what they can to make the transition as smooth as possible for you.

Redsox Rover

Dont wait for that cheque OP. Just get out now. Your friend has offered you somewhere to stay. Take him up on his offer and leave this woman now!!

It will only get worse and you will be miserable. Not worth it!

fishyfish

thanks for all the help my friend has actually offered me a room to rent in his house. his exact words were " listen horse u can can live here with me id be more then happy to have u if u"

endacl

fishyfish wrote: »

thanks for all the help my friend has actually offered me a room to rent in his house. his exact words were " listen horse u can can live here with me id be more then happy to have u if u"

You need your friends now, and this one cares. Go for it. Get out today.

At some point in the future this will all be something that happened years ago.

maria34

Living with a friend will be the best option. Keeps u away from thinking mad stuff. Dont cry under her shower, she is not worth it!

Hope u havent catched any sti ...

fishyfish

ill be going to get tested this week to make 100% sure.

we talked last night and i said i was going as soon as my cheque comes and we can walk away from each other

Loughc

fishyfish wrote: »

ill be going to get tested this week to make 100% sure.

we talked last night and i said i was going as soon as my cheque comes and we can walk away from each other

By waiting around until you get your cheque (which could take alot longer than you think) sounds like you're threatening her with the fact you might be leaving in the hope it will snap her out of this and realise she wants you to stay.

This is never going to happen. Move out now, don't delay, you will only regret staying. Your friend offered you a place to stay, take him up on his offer.

kiffer

Call the letting agent and tell them you might to have to leave soon.
Tell her to leave, she can go home to her family or to her new man... you're the one who has been wronged, you're going to lose your money either way but as the person that didn't cheat you shouldn't have to leave. There's a spare room kick her out, get a subletter in.
Let her lose her money.

fishyfish

ill be moving stuff in to his place at the weekend when i get the van off him. as he use it for work im so messed up over this i was sick a few times in before work today.

i rang him there on my smoke break in work and he is cool with me stay there till im sorted money wise so ill be staying there and going back at the weekend to get my stuff

LegacyUser

I am glad to hear that you are moving away from this woman.
She has treated you badly and you need to remember that not all woman are like her.
I would get an sti check also.
Your lucky to have friends to help you out and just remember that things will get better for you.