Boy meets girl

LegacyUser

Okay so I am a woman in my late 20's I haven't had a job for over a year as I have been seriously ill so I had to leave my job, I have just been given the all clear health wise and I am making steps into life again . So I was out the other night and i met this guy and we hit it off and he has asked me out on a date and i am absolutely terrified! I have not had a date in a very long time.

What I am mainly terrified about is explaining why i am not working (which could be a massive turn off - although if it was the other way around it really wouldn't bother me) but not really/ wanting to explain the in's and out as to why I am unemployed - I mean after all first dates are supposed to be fun not "yes I have spent the last year being in hospital"

So I guess what I am asking is ... does anyone have any advice on how I could not totally blow my chances with this guy, does it really bother men if a woman is unemployed? Should I be upfront and honest and just say Ive been sick and had to leave my job?

Has anyone else been in this situation?


Thank you!

DoozerT6

I haven't been in your situation OP, but firstly I'm glad to hear that things are looking up for you health-wise

As regards, your dilemma, tbh I say just be upfront with him! If he asks what you do for a living, just say 'Well, I'm a {insert job title here!} but I've actually been on extended sick leave for the past year {due to xx illness, only tell him this if you feel comfortable enough to do so} but I'm doing great these days and am hoping to get back to work again as soon as possible. (big smile) So tell me about YOU?'

I guess you could talk about your illness and any long-term health repercussions or relapses, and how you had to leave work to undergo treatment, but see how the conversation goes, he may be happy enough to gloss over it on a first date, (he may be just as nervous as you!) or he may be genuinely interested and ask a few questions. Only you can gauge how much information you want to give out on a first date about your health/employment status. If it gets a bit personal you are perfectly entitled to say in a casual tone 'ah here, sure a bishop wouldn't ask me that! Another pint? (big smile)' In other words, you're politely telling him to mind his own beeswax. After all, he is a stranger

Best of luck though!

Mayboy

Just say what you have been through - its his reaction that is his - not yours - so let him react and see how it goes. Maybe you are terrified, maybe he will reject you - who knows until you try. I hope it works out, big best good luck wishes!

CathyMoran

Have long term illnesses and have also been seriously ill. I found that there was a sense pity from some men and while they were all suportive they did not understand that most of the time you are normal, you just have limits. I ended up meeting someone that undertood as he has long term illnesses too. Think that most people associate illness with old age, not younger people I do feel that you are better off being honest, if he can not handle it then he is not good enough for you.

Lux23

I think lying or even glossing over that you have been sick could only complicate things down the line. Just tell why you aren't working, and you know what OP - I am sure you have worked hard to get better and went through a lot to get to this point, so there's no need to hide it.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here

Thank you all so much for your advice it was very helpful. Well the date was cancelled before it even happened, he asked me over text what i was doing work wise and i didn't go into detail but just said I was job hunting at the moment. Anyway the date never happened.

I think it is too soon for me to be dating anyway, I didn't have much luck before i was sick so i'm not expecting it to be any better now.

But yes I think it is too soon but if/when i do get a date again i will be keeping your advice on file

thanks again