I think he has lost interest

skinny_guy

Hi everyone,

I have been seeing a guy for the past 2 weeks but I think things are starting to fizzle out. Our first 4 dates went well in my opinion but on the last one things got a bit awkward.

We went out to his friends house and I got on well with them. Then when it was just the 2 of us again it suddenly got awkward again. I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I also suffer from social anxiety which adds to the pressure of being on a date. I do really like him I'm just a bit anxious around him at times. (I think he is around me as well though) Sometimes it gets quiet and the pressure is on me to talk to him about something, but I just get a blank.

However he texted me after the date which I thought was a good sign but in the last few days he hasnt really put much effort into texting me or planned to meet up. I think I'm going to write this one off.

Well I guess what I'm trying to find out, is it a common thing to have a flow of good dates and then all of a sudden lose that click you had on the first few dates. I really had my hopes up about this guy but I guess I was wrong.

Its driving me nuts thinking about it, I don't know if he's still interested or not. Great if he is but if he's not it will be a bit of a blow to my confidence. I don't really deal with rejection well. I'd really love some advice from someone on how they deal when someone rejects them. I seem to carry rejection around with me instead of getting over it. Apologies if this post is all over the place!

maria34

Maybe he is busy?

And who said only men can ask out for dates?

HalloweenJack

skinny_guy wrote: »

Well I guess what I'm trying to find out, is it a common thing to have a flow of good dates and then all of a sudden lose that click you had on the first few dates. I really had my hopes up about this guy but I guess I was wrong.

Yep, I think so. I can think of three examples in my own life.

First was with a girl who I was set up with by a mutual friend. It started off well but the fun just fell away after a while. It turned out she wasn't ready for anything to happen.

The second was an ONS where we both tried to make something happen but there was nothing there beyond the physical aspect and that too died away after a bit.

The last one came on to me very strong but I wasn't so sure about her. We had a few dates but just as I was beginning to like her she seemed to go off me and we stopped talking.

I'd say it happens a lot. There's an initial attraction or click but it just fizzles out after a while or it becomes evident that there isn't enough there to have something stronger. I think you've cottoned on to this yourself when you were saying you struggled to strike up a conversation with him.

It's unfortunate but certainly not something to worry too much about. Try and look on the bright side: it's better it didn't work out now than later down the line when you'd invested a lot more into it.

Also, don't look at this as rejection, look at it as incompatibility. If you feel it isn't working out than it's for a reason and it could just be that you're not suited to each other. Noones rejecting anyone, it's down to you being too different from each other.

shy_boy

skinny_guy wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I have been seeing a guy for the past 2 weeks but I think things are starting to fizzle out. Our first 4 dates went well in my opinion but on the last one things got a bit awkward.

We went out to his friends house and I got on well with them. Then when it was just the 2 of us again it suddenly got awkward again. I couldn't think of anything to say to him. I also suffer from social anxiety which adds to the pressure of being on a date. I do really like him I'm just a bit anxious around him at times. (I think he is around me as well though) Sometimes it gets quiet and the pressure is on me to talk to him about something, but I just get a blank.

However he texted me after the date which I thought was a good sign but in the last few days he hasnt really put much effort into texting me or planned to meet up. I think I'm going to write this one off.

Well I guess what I'm trying to find out, is it a common thing to have a flow of good dates and then all of a sudden lose that click you had on the first few dates. I really had my hopes up about this guy but I guess I was wrong.

Its driving me nuts thinking about it, I don't know if he's still interested or not. Great if he is but if he's not it will be a bit of a blow to my confidence. I don't really deal with rejection well. I'd really love some advice from someone on how they deal when someone rejects them. I seem to carry rejection around with me instead of getting over it. Apologies if this post is all over the place!

Hey i also have social anxiety, and first of all i want to say well done for getting out there and dating and visiting his friends also and you said you got on very well with so good on yeah!! as for your date try not to put so much thought to it!!pfft! if it happens it happens kind of attitude and if not at least you can say you tried your best so there is a lot of positives to take from all of it

Pretty Polly

skinny_guy wrote: »

Its driving me nuts thinking about it, I don't know if he's still interested or not. Great if he is but if he's not it will be a bit of a blow to my confidence. I don't really deal with rejection well. I'd really love some advice from someone on how they deal when someone rejects them. I seem to carry rejection around with me instead of getting over it. Apologies if this post is all over the place!

Why don't you ask him if he wants to do something this week/weekend? Go for it and have no regrets He might say no but at least then you will know and you will be able to move on.

scarymoon1

Just ask him straight up. I liked a guy recently,thought he liked me too. So I brought up the subject, turns out he didn't. If I didn't say it to him I'd still be here a couple of weeks later lusting after him for nothing lol

_dublinlad_

Your not gonna get a better advise then HalloweenJack's post. I could also list of stories such as your own here.

This is simply part and parcel of dating I think, there are plenty shades of grey at the early stages. Sometimes it is hard to tell if there is true compatibility and chemistry within the first few dates. Don't for one second beat yourself up when there turns out not to be.

One thing I would suggest may be a good idea is: I have on a few occasions spoken to the person I have been seeing for a few weeks/months and asked them "do you think there is much going for us" or "do you think this is worth pursuing more" (when I felt there was much more interest on my side of course) and you will find they may well give you an honest answer, or the way they answer will be fairly telling. That way if he is not interested you can move past this as soon as possible and get on with your life.