Girlfriend only has guy mates

Reservations at Dorsia

Hiya guys

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years (1 year living together). We're madly in love and things are going great. One thing that does and has always bothered me though is the fact that she hasn't a solitary female friend and all of her mates are guys.

Shes very attractive, quite the tomboy and all of her hobbies would make her very appealing to the opposite sex (plays video games, listens to rock music , male sense of humour etc).

I would not see her guy mates as direct threats to me, as most of them are more like brothers to her, very nerd-ish, outsiders who would not have had much luck with the opposite sex, but there's some things that bother me (shes mates with an ex whos a bit of a dick who wouldn't let her having a boyfriend get in the way of trying it on again/random texts from her guy mates at all hours of the evening looking to hang out)

I try my best not to let it bother me or come across as possessive or controlling, but sometimes it's really hard to deal with.

Also stuff like personal stuff that she would talk to mates about, like our sex life or personal stuff between us, which would be normal if she were talking to female mates about it cos thats what girls do, but discussing it with guys who've had crushes on her for ages, I find hard to take.

Anyone in the same boat or can relate to this?

iusedtoknow

I don't really see a problem with it. My wife has more guy friends than female friends. This is as a result of having 3 brothers, a lot a male cousins and so being more comfortable around guys than she was around girls.

She has a couple of female friends, but is definitely closer to her male (non relative) friends. It doesn't bother me, in the same way that 1 of my closest friends is female.

If they don't make you feel threatened, I would do nothing/say nothing about it - it could make things awkward with your GF.

Czarcasm

I could certainly relate to that OP, or at least my wife could, because I would have almost exclusively female friends. It's not an intentional thing, just the way it happens.

You feel threatened by all these guys and honestly you shouldn't be. Your insecurity if you let it fester will actually drive your girlfriend away, and not necessarily into the arms of her ex or any of these lads either.

Your girlfriend is with you OP because she wants to be with YOU, and by that same token you need to focus your attention on her, and not her mates or her ex.

Reservations at Dorsia

Thanks guys

bronte

To be honest she sounds a lot like me.
I have three very close male friends and would have similar friendships with them. I have a few female friends and have had female friendships that sadly haven't lasted when the male ones have simply because I have more in common with the fellas and I find them much much easier to get along with.
( I've been a bit unlucky in the past with female friends)
The lads are like family to me and would never be a threat to my relationship.
Try to spend a bit of time with them and you should see you have nothing to worry about.

Catari Jaguar

Hold onto her!! She sounds like a rare gem and will be snapped up pretty easily. Get over your insecurity, it's entirely YOUR problem, or else you risk driving her away and you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice.

Tell her they prob go home and fap when she tells them about her sex life. The idea of her being their fappage material might disgust her into keeping quiet.

Cupcake_Crisis

Op, after 2 years together you should know whether or not you can trust her, and you sound like you do. She has never overstepped the boundaries with any of these guys, so they are in no way a threat to you. I can understand where you're coming from, I have friends of both sex but the vast majority of my really close friends are guys and it has caused tension with bf's in the past.

Without sounding too blunt, this is your issue, she hasn't done anything! It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship, so enjoy it

December2012

Also,she probably doesn't talk to her friends about her sex life. I don't think that's as common a thing as Sex & The City would have people believe.

Reservations at Dorsia

Thanks for all the responses guys.

I will try to be more considerate and do my best to not let it bother me!

heretochat

The right approach I think. Don't ruin what you have through your own insecurities. As others have said she has done nothing wrong.. I don't personally buy into this school of thought that people of the opposite sex cannot be just friends... A number of my closest friends are female and I would never jhave thought of them in any other way than just friends.

Reservations at Dorsia

What about hanging out with ex's though? Going for food/drinks and stuff?

heretochat

Has she done anything to make you think that she cannot be trusted because your posting does not suggest this.. And the fact that you know about these things seems to suggest that she is being open and honest with you..

Again I would say that the insecurities appear to be of your own making..

Reservations at Dorsia

heretochat wrote: »

Has she done anything to make you think that she cannot be trusted because your posting does not suggest this.. And the fact that you know about these things seems to suggest that she is being open and honest with you..

Again I would say that the insecurities appear to be of your own making..

Well she has told me that her ex has told her he would have no problem cheating on his current girlfriend with her

December2012

They are exes for a reason, and she's with you for a reason.

Your trust of her should outweigh your distrust of them.

heretochat

Reservations at Dorsia wrote: »

Well she has told me that her ex has told her he would have no problem cheating on his current girlfriend with her

Again I would say that she is being open and honest with you. I think really you should cherish what you have with her rather than looking for spooks in a corner that don't exist.

Legs.Eleven

I personally don't think it's appropriate to remain friends with an ex who's still trying to crack onto her.

DoozerT6

I'd probably try and find out from her why she doesn't seem to have any FEMALE friends...none at all? A mixture of male/female friends is normal and healthy, but a woman who doesn't seem to be able to relate to other females at all on a social level just doesn't seem right to me. Is she seeking some sort of validation or approval by surrounding herself with guys who it's possible may find her attractive, and she may know this deep down???

No offence meant by this, you know her best. But it's what's been going through my head reading your OP.

Reservations at Dorsia

DoozerT6 wrote: »

I'd probably try and find out from her why she doesn't seem to have any FEMALE friends...none at all? A mixture of male/female friends is normal and healthy, but a woman who doesn't seem to be able to relate to other females at all on a social level just doesn't seem right to me. Is she seeking some sort of validation or approval by surrounding herself with guys who it's possible may find her attractive, and she may know this deep down???

No offence meant by this, you know her best. But it's what's been going through my head reading your OP.

Well the guys she's surrounding herself with aint exactly lookers, they're 20-something virgin nerds who'd get up on a cracked plate

DoozerT6

Reservations at Dorsia wrote: »

Well the guys she's surrounding herself with aint exactly lookers, they're 20-something virgin nerds who'd get up on a cracked plate

Haha so maybe THEY are the ones who are benefitting from this - Comic Book Guy has a (presumably) hot chick who wants to spend time with him - instant nerd-points! And looks aren't everything.

Look, maybe they all genuinely like each other and get on, but maybe both these guys and your girlfriend are each getting something else emotional from the relationship - the nerdy guys get to interact with a real life female that they possibly have trouser-related feelings for, and the girl gets to hang around with guys that she (possibly) knows have crushes on her. And from what you said, she doesn't seem to have any other female friends to point this out to her! She honestly may not even be aware of it herself.

I think it's a point worth considering. How you would broach the subject with her is entirely another matter.

claypigeon777

Reservations at Dorsia wrote: »

Well the guys she's surrounding herself with aint exactly lookers, they're 20-something virgin nerds who'd get up on a cracked plate

If you are soccer or rugby or GAA type you should cheerfully invite them for a "friendly" robust and manly physical game against you and your mates.
You'll probably never see them again.

Ave Sodalis

Honestly OP, I'd be careful with this. I'm very good friends with a guy and for a long time, I was only friends with lads. The one I'm very good friends with, I spend every day with and have done for years. We get along very well and sometimes seem like a couple because we're so close but there is nothing sexual or relationshipy about us. He's like a brother to me and vice versa. We never have and probably never will like each other like that. However, if I were to get a boyfriend and he had a problem with our friendship, I wouldn't be very happy. Fair enough, when we first meet but if he can't trust my reassurances that nothing has or will happen, then he can't trust me. If he suggests we should stop being friends, then I would sooner dump the boyfriend.
Your gf sounds quite like me, from what you described (except maybe the attractive thingy). I grew up around boys and the few female friendships I've had, didn't work too well (mostly). A lot of my male friends are the gamer type, as I too, play games. I also have the more sporty type male friends, the more musician type male friends etc but they're just friends. If they have a crush on me, then it's their problem, not mine. Same with your gfs friends. If they have a crush on her, it's not her fault.
Does your gf know that you refer to her friends as "20-something virgin nerds who'd get up on a cracked plate"?

RDM_83 again

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I personally don't think it's appropriate to remain friends with an ex who's still trying to crack onto her.

This times a 1000 there's a big difference between things in the past and this

Reservations at Dorsia wrote: »

Well she has told me that her ex has told her he would have no problem cheating on his current girlfriend with her

while it might in the past for her its not for him.

Judge Roy Bean

Do you think she'd be cool if you had girl only mates?

DangerMouse27

I reckon she would be very cool with you having just girl mates.

I studied Nursing in college and 80 percent of my classmates were girls, my gf at the time didnt care a jot. I invited her on our first few nights out and she put faces to the names and she was fine with it.

Op, I think this ex isnt a problem until you let it become one. Think of the bigger picture always and try to fight any insecurities you may have.

Best of luck! you sound like a well matched pair actually.

LegacyUser

Reservations at Dorsia wrote: »

Hiya guys

..................
Also stuff like personal stuff that she would talk to mates about, like our sex life or personal stuff between us, which would be normal if she were talking to female mates about it cos thats what girls do, but discussing it with guys who've had crushes on her for ages, I find hard to take......

This is a horrible breach of confidentiality. What happens between you and her should NEVER be discussed with others. What kind of degenerate is she who feels it's OK to share such private stuff with other men?

I'd ditch her to the nearest kerb if I was ever in the position of having such intimate details shared with strangers.

Judge Roy Bean

Does seen a strange situation.

As has been said, be VERY careful how you handle this, it could go either way

Taltos

Closing as the OP is banned and can no longer respond.