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Negative equity with an ex

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  • 12-08-2013 3:00pm
    #1
    starWave
    Registered Users Posts: 391 ✭✭


    Is anyone stuck in negative equity on a property with an ex? Or has anyone started a relationship with someone who is in a negative equity trap with their ex?

    I guess its a likely scenario the last few years, and can through up all kinds of issues as you are stuck in a mortgage with an ex, or a current partner is stuck with an ex.


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    #2
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    starWave wrote: »
    Is anyone stuck in negative equity on a property with an ex? Or has anyone started a relationship with someone who is in a negative equity trap with their ex?

    I guess its a likely scenario the last few years, and can through up all kinds of issues as you are stuck in a mortgage with an ex, or a current partner is stuck with an ex.

    Yep, I am. It essentially means I have two choices - walk away with nothing, after 6 years of paying half the mortgage, or force a sale, and pay half the NE.

    Bit of a Hobson's choice, tbh.


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    #3
    Pepe LeFrits
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 15,001 ✭✭✭✭Pepe LeFrits


    eek.


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    #4
    awec
    Administrators Posts: 53,487 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭awec


    This post has been deleted.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Yeah I am in the same boat. Bought a house with boyfriend back in 2007. We broke up in 2011 and now have the house rented out. We still have to put about €180 towards it every month. Thank God we are still good friends because trying to organise all the house stuff with someone you don't get on with would be a nightmare.


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    #6
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    starWave wrote: »
    Is anyone stuck in negative equity on a property with an ex? Or has anyone started a relationship with someone who is in a negative equity trap with their ex?

    I guess its a likely scenario the last few years, and can through up all kinds of issues as you are stuck in a mortgage with an ex, or a current partner is stuck with an ex.

    Just to clarify OP are we talking after a marraige break up or a just relationship breakup? They are distinctly different scenarios.


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    #7
    starWave
    Registered Users Posts: 391 ✭✭starWave


    desbrook wrote: »
    Just to clarify OP are we talking after a marraige break up or a just relationship breakup? They are distinctly different scenarios.

    Just a relationship breakup. Just wondering if people would hesitate starting a relationship with someone in such a position, being tied to their ex with a mortgage?


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    #8
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    starWave wrote: »
    Just a relationship breakup. Just wondering if people would hesitate starting a relationship with someone in such a position, being tied to their ex with a mortgage?

    It's a personal choice - like dating someone with kids or not. I'd never critisise anyone for not dating someone with baggage such as what you are describing. I can see both sides.


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    #9
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    desbrook wrote: »
    It's a personal choice - like dating someone with kids or not.

    Kids are a whole lot different than having a house with negative equity.


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    #10
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    starWave wrote: »
    Just a relationship breakup. Just wondering if people would hesitate starting a relationship with someone in such a position, being tied to their ex with a mortgage?

    I'm still tied to my ex by the fact that we're still legally married, and will be for the next 2.5 years. I'd imagine that that has the potential to be a lot more off-putting to someone than just a joint mortgage, but I haven't really found it to be an issue since I started dating again.


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    #11
    heretochat
    Registered Users Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    I'm still tied to my ex by the fact that we're still legally married, and will be for the next 2.5 years. I'd imagine that that has the potential to be a lot more off-putting to someone than just a joint mortgage, but I haven't really found it to be an issue since I started dating again.

    Not sure I would agree with you there.. I would hazard a guess that a lot of people would be scared off at the prospect of inheriting someone else's debts (especially in the current environment)...


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    #12
    starWave
    Registered Users Posts: 391 ✭✭starWave


    heretochat wrote: »
    Not sure I would agree with you there.. I would hazard a guess that a lot of people would be scared off at the prospect of inheriting someone else's debts (especially in the current environment)...

    That's what I'm getting at. If you start off a relationship with someone with negative equity, you could be inheriting their debt down the line, if you get married.

    It's even worse if they share that debt with an ex, and they don't have full control over the decision of how to manage it.


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    #13
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    smash wrote: »
    Kids are a whole lot different than having a house with negative equity.

    To clarify - both individual situations are different of course but in both cases SOME potential partners regard them as deal breakers . Also in both cases that's a personal choice - there is no universal right or wrong. That personal choice element is the only factor I was highlighting.


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    #14
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    Yep, I am. It essentially means I have two choices - walk away with nothing, after 6 years of paying half the mortgage, or force a sale, and pay half the NE.

    Bit of a Hobson's choice, tbh.
    I think I would walk away with nothing if possible, and just look at the mortgage payments as rent. Otherwise, you're going to be tied to your ex for years.
    Honey-ec wrote: »
    I'm still tied to my ex by the fact that we're still legally married, and will be for the next 2.5 years. I'd imagine that that has the potential to be a lot more off-putting to someone than just a joint mortgage, but I haven't really found it to be an issue since I started dating again.
    I wouldn't have any issue with someone separated and just waiting to finally get divorced. Not your fault you're forced to wait such a long time.
    smash wrote: »
    Kids are a whole lot different than having a house with negative equity.
    Exactly. Children are for life, take up a lot of your time and should always take priority.


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    #15
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    starWave wrote: »
    That's what I'm getting at. If you start off a relationship with someone with negative equity, you could be inheriting their debt down the line, if you get married.

    It's even worse if they share that debt with an ex, and they don't have full control over the decision of how to manage it.
    What's the difference of meeting a person who has debt on their own?


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    #16
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,816 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    starWave, can you confirm if this is an actual personal issue for you. If it's not then it shouldn't have been moved to this forum.

    Thanks,
    Big Bag of Chips.


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    #17
    starWave
    Registered Users Posts: 391 ✭✭starWave


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    starWave, can you confirm if this is an actual personal issue for you. If it's not then it shouldn't have been moved to this forum.

    Thanks,
    Big Bag of Chips.

    Not an issue at the moment, but I know someone in this situation, and I was wondering about it.


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    #18
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,816 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    OK, thanks. As it's not a personal or relationship issue for you then I'll have to either lock it, or can move it back to the Gentlemen's Club for you if you want the discussion to continue.

    Let me know which you prefer.

    Edit: Moved back to the Gentlemen's Club as the OP confirmed via PM that he is looking for a general discussion, which is not suitable for Relationship Issues.


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    #19
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    Exactly. Children are for life, take up a lot of your time and should always take priority.
    Indeed. Having a debt, such as a mortgage, may be an issue only in so far as the partner with the debt has an additional cost that they may not be able to meet without your financial assistance at some stage in the future - their debt may de facto become yours. For example, couple decide to start a family and the partner with the debt either does not have the option to stay at home to care for the child or, if they do, that debt still has to be paid off, so it falls on the other partner ends up having to pay it.

    With children, you have the extra cost that you're likely to end up paying twoards (especially if you're in a relationship with the custodial parent), but also a continued (often belligerent) relationship with the other parent, restrictions on moving countries, not to mention the responsibility of being a step parent.

    Finally, and you actually mention it, the child(ren) will always take priority; this means that no matter how long you're with your partner, what commitment you make, what professions of love you both declare, you'll always come second place to somebody else's child(ren). Not easy for many to accept.

    So children are a much bigger deal than simply a mortgage.
    smash wrote: »
    What's the difference of meeting a person who has debt on their own?
    None, IMHO. Contact would have to be maintained if the debt is shared with an ex, but if you're jealous on that front, the debt is probably the least of your relationship problems, TBH.


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