Female Friendship Woes!!

Boofle

I am having an issue with a friend at the moment - well in fact it has been going on for years but it came to a head over the weekend. I am a single girl and would go out pretty regularly with a close group of friends. One of these girls (who I have been friends with since our school days) is becoming increasing difficult to be around, especially on nights out, due to her raging jealousy!

Over the years I have lost count of the amount of times she actually physically pulls me away from a guy who would be having a chat with me......On Saturday night it was just the straw that broke the camel's back though - myself and another girl were approached by a group of lads - really nice, sound lads - and we were just chatting to them. Next thing I could see this friend, lets call her 'Mary', striding over to where we were standing and she begins saying in a very loud voice to the other girl with me "Come on, come on, ye have to come - "Jane" is wondering where ye are" (Jane being another girl on the night out). She then started tugging on my arm and just going on and on about us having to go. with a really intense look in her face. I was actually horrified. . .

But we stood our ground and she eventually went back to the other girls.(And it transpires later that "Jane" didn't wonder where we were or want us to go back to them - "Mary" was just saying anything to get us to move away).

The lads who we were chatting to couldn't believe what they were seeing. . . I feel it's absurd behaviour from a 28 year old woman. She would be a jealous type of girl in everyday life - like she would rarely give a compliment to anyone but will demand them from all and sundry!! She doesn't get chatted up very often, in fact hardly ever, and she makes remarks constantly wondering why other girls get approached and she doesn't. . . .

She has been very off since Saturday night as we didn't do what she wanted, ie: remove ourselves from the guys we were speaking to. I really feel this friendship has run it's course; but I would be interested in what other people make of the situation and whether they ever experienced anything like it.

In the grand scheme of things I know it's not a major problem but I sometimes just despair at how bitchy and catty girls can be to each other - female friendships can be such hard work :rolleyes:

miamee

Honestly, I would be giving someone like that a very wide berth. That is very childish behaviour for a so-called adult and the longer people put up with and don't say anything, the longer it will go on. How much would you talk to/see her other than nights out? I.e. would it be easy enough to leave her to it for a few days/weeks. I'd be embarrassed to go out with someone who behaved like that when you are just talking to people; would it help if you told her that, do you think?

Boofle

miamee wrote: »

Honestly, I would be giving someone like that a very wide berth. That is very childish behaviour for a so-called adult and the longer people put up with and don't say anything, the longer it will go on. How much would you talk to/see her other than nights out? I.e. would it be easy enough to leave her to it for a few days/weeks. I'd be embarrassed to go out with someone who behaved like that when you are just talking to people; would it help if you told her that, do you think?

Thanks for your reply.

She has recently moved to a different town for work so I should find it pretty easy to give her a wide berth. I have stopped contacting her before for weeks and even months but she keeps texting, ringing etc - ie she just doesn't get the message - even when I am basically ignoring her!!

Your suggestion of mentioning to her that I find it embarrassing going out with her on nights out is definitely something for me to consider - as it's make or break at this stage anyway.

ManOfMystery

You can ignore someone like this and hope they'll eventually just go away, but personally I prefer the tough love approach. Why string her along? Tell her exactly what the issue is - that she is embarassing the entire group on every night out, because of her totally unjustifiable 'jealousy' - and she'll get the message. Perhaps you'll even be doing her a favour in the long term.

December2012

I would tell her if I was you and call her out on that bullcrp.

surewhoknows

Next time she texts ignore whatever she's said and demand clarification on her actions that night
"why did you pull us away? Jane did not need us to come? What was going on with you". She will probably try and change subject or let it die down but to maintain a friendship Id push an answer.

And you're right female friendships are incredibly difficult.

Czarcasm

It wouldn't be just women that do that OP, guys can be just as capable of it, and when they've done it, I'll tell them straight out there and then that I'm not their property, I have a mind of my own.

They don't tend to be my friend very long after that, but it's not like I'll lose any sleep over not allowing myself to be controlled by a constant attention seeker.

Your friend does sound very clingy and needy and wants all the focus on her. You shouldn't have put up with it from day one tbh, and you really should let her know that she can't have all your attention. If she continues to behave like an attention starved child, then I'd just drop her from your social circle. She's old enough to know better now at this stage- her behaviour might have been excusable during her immature teenage years, but there's no excuse for it as a 28 year old woman.

Boofle

Czarcasm wrote: »

It wouldn't be just women that do that OP, guys can be just as capable of it, and when they've done it, I'll tell them straight out there and then that I'm not their property, I have a mind of my own.

They don't tend to be my friend very long after that, but it's not like I'll lose any sleep over not allowing myself to be controlled by a constant attention seeker.

Your friend does sound very clingy and needy and wants all the focus on her. You shouldn't have put up with it from day one tbh, and you really should let her know that she can't have all your attention. If she continues to behave like an attention starved child, then I'd just drop her from your social circle. She's old enough to know better now at this stage- her behaviour might have been excusable during her immature teenage years, but there's no excuse for it as a 28 year old woman.

Cheers for that Czarcazm - totally agree with it all. It's just so frustrating because people feel they have to pander to this girl's constant need for compliments and attention. But I just can't do it anymore.

Interesting that it can happen with guys too.