This whole 'Meeting/ Shifting' craic??

liamag

Hi, Im new here and I suppose many of you know all about this 'meeting or shifting' scene.
Im a 19 year old male and I am (embarrassingly) still a 'frigid'. Nearly everyone of my friends have shifted a girl now and I am feeling increasingly uncomfortable about the face that Ive never done so (even my 15 year old brother has often done it)..
My problem is that I do not know how to go about 'getting the shift'. There are many times in the past that I consider a blown opportunity because I dont know how to go about it. Ive seen my friends doing it in nightclubs, pubs etc. and I have tried to emulate it but to no avail. On top of that, on Im afraid that my first time (if it ever comes), Ill do it wrong due to my shear lack of experience.
Is it because theres something wrong with me?(because thats what I believe) or it could also be because Im doing it wrong.
Help anyone?

judgefudge

Well firstly, you won't do it wrong the first time. Kissing is a fairly natural thing so just go with it and don't go overboard with your tongue and you'll be grand.

Secondly, there's nothing wrong with you. I know for a fact a male friend of mine didnt kiss a girl until he was 19 and he's a good looking, friendly, intelligent guy. He just had no idea how to go about it.

The problem you're having is a confidence thing I suppose? Not knowing how to approach a girl or grasp opportunities? I'm female so probably can't help too much on that front, but I do feel so sorry for guys. It's mad that in this day and age they are still expected to do most of the work when it comes to chatting someone up.

But please stop thinking there's something wrong with you because there isn't.

Niamho!

I had my first proper snog quite late in life myself and the one thing I do remember thinking afterwards was, "Jesus....that was easy! What was I so worried about!?" Granted it was slightly awkward at first before I got into the swing, but then it just was totally natural!

As for how to go about it... Do you get chatting to girls very often when you're out and about in social situations??

IrishEyes19

I can emulate everything else people are saying here. I had my first proper kiss late teens as well and afterwards I couldn't believe how worried I had been about it. Its completely in your head. There is nothing wrong with you. And as others have said, you can't really go wrong about it. Just go with the flow, you tend to find that everyone has their own ways of doing it and you adapt to that. That's all there is really. As for your pals who are all doing it. Don't compare yourself, it really is true the more you probably think about it, the less likely it'll happen because you are psyching yourself out and that probably comes across to people.

As for messing it up. You won't. Just stop worrying it and enjoy your nights out now and see where it happens.

heretochat

As a guy all I can say is take the pressure off yourself.. There is nothing abnormal or freakish about you... Casting back into the sands of time I remember my first "shift" as you put it. I was 17 or so at the time and nervous as hell.. But it is a completely natural thing to do and remember it is something enjoyable... Don't compare yourself to others and don't try to be something you are not in order to try and get there.. Be yourself, you will meet someone and you will wonder afterwards why you got yourself so wound up..

Koptain Liverpool

Don't worry so much about it. Lots of people are late starters in this regard. Just continue going out with your friends and try your best to get chatting to girls on nights out. Don't make your chat focused on scoring with her - chat to her about normal stuff, ask her about herself and try to be as lively as you can.

When you get chatting to a girl who seems interested don't be afraid to make a move to kiss her at some point in the night. Some girls will be up for it, some won't - but don't be afraid of rejection, it's all part and parcel of it.

Of course such advice doesn't necessarily apply for meeting the love of your life etc but this is how the majority of people start off - going out, having fun and snogging random people.

BTW To be frigid means to be very conservative in terms of kissing/sex etc not that you've never kissed someone.

Keep trying, good luck!

December2012

If the opportunity presents itself you'll know from body language.

Watch your own body language, eye contact, be interested and relaxed.

You move in closer to each other, and, in time, you just put your lips on her lips.

It's simple enough.

Don't worry.

liamag

Niamho! wrote: »

I had my first proper snog quite late in life myself and the one thing I do remember thinking afterwards was, "Jesus....that was easy! What was I so worried about!?" Granted it was slightly awkward at first before I got into the swing, but then it just was totally natural!

As for how to go about it... Do you get chatting to girls very often when you're out and about in social situations??

yeah I do often...

Silverman11

I am a 20 year old male and I have never 'shifted' a girl. One of my reservations towards 'shifting' is the morals/ethics of it. Is it not wrong to go out to meet a girl just to make out with her and have no intention of getting to know her. Is it not better to wait until you are in a relationship before you make out with a girl?

Penny Tration

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a 20 year old male and I have never 'shifted' a girl. One of my reservations towards 'shifting' is the morals/ethics of it. Is it not wrong to go out to meet a girl just to make out with her and have no intention of getting to know her. Is it not better to wait until you are in a relationship before you make out with a girl?

Personally, as a female, i would not get into a relationship with somebody who hadn't even kissed me, excluding my current boyfriend who asked me to be his girlfriend before kissing me, due to circumstances.

Kissing is not a big deal. Women don't expect a guy they kiss on a night out to spend ages getting to know them, it's a bit of fun, nothing more.

Silverman11

green_screen wrote: »

Personally, as a female, i would not get into a relationship with somebody who hadn't even kissed me, excluding my current boyfriend who asked me to be his girlfriend before kissing me, due to circumstances.

Kissing is not a big deal. Women don't expect a guy they kiss on a night out to spend ages getting to know them, it's a bit of fun, nothing more.

I struggle to meet girls and my friends say the best way is to 'shift' girls on a night out but I feel like that it is wrong to make out with a girl in order to get a thrill. I know some people who would look around to find any girl and try and 'shift' her.
I am more into the rom com style of meet-date-kiss rather then meet-kiss-date but I have no luck meeting girls outside of clubs.

Penny Tration

Silverman11 wrote: »

I struggle to meet girls and my friends say the best way is to 'shift' girls on a night out but I feel like that it is wrong to make out with a girl in order to get a thrill. I know some people who would look around to find any girl and try and 'shift' her.
I am more into the rom com style of meet-date-kiss rather then meet-kiss-date but I have no luck meeting girls outside of clubs.

If you're looking in clubs to meet women, it's not going to be meet-date-kiss. And why are you so focused on YOU kissing a girl and leaving it at that? What about the girls? We like kissing men on nights out, just as much as men like women.

Real life isn't a romantic comedy. You'd be extremely hard pressed to find a girl willing to agree to a relationship before even kissing.

Silverman11

green_screen wrote: »

If you're looking in clubs to meet women, it's not going to be meet-date-kiss. And why are you so focused on YOU kissing a girl and leaving it at that? What about the girls? We like kissing men on nights out, just as much as men like women.

Real life isn't a romantic comedy. You'd be extremely hard pressed to find a girl willing to agree to a relationship before even kissing.

Thanks for your perspective. I am really lost when it comes to this type of stuff so I appreciate different opinions.

Meauldsegosha

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am more into the rom com style of meet-date-kiss rather then meet-kiss-date but I have no luck meeting girls outside of clubs.

RomComs are fictional not real life. In real life the majority of people are not going to date and wait before you get to know them before kissing. Also there is nothing wrong with a single person seeking the thrill of a kiss on a night out.

Silverman11

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

RomComs are fictional not real life. In real life the majority of people are not going to date and wait before you get to know them before kissing. Also there is nothing wrong with a single person seeking the thrill of a kiss on a night.

Now a part of my problem with 'shifting' on a night out would be down to my faith. I would be devout Catholic but I don't know if kissing a girl before you get to know them is all that bad as long as you would be interested in pursuing a relationship.

I would ideally go for the romcom style of meeting women but I don't know if that is realistic.

Meauldsegosha

What is a "romcom" style of meeting people?

Penny Tration

I think he means he wants to date and fall in love with someone before even kissing them.

Mate, what you want is not realistic, not in average life, abd especially not with girls you meet in clubs.

If you want a relationship with a non-believer, you will have to accept that it's not going to happen the way you want, and you will fail time and again from ny experience. If your religion is playing a part in how you want a relationship to be, try finding some Christian dating sites, where the girls will be more on your page.

Silverman11

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

What is a "romcom" style of meeting people?

Imo it would be go somewhere and see a girl that you like and ask them on a date. It's cheesy I know

Silverman11

green_screen wrote: »

I think he means he wants to date and fall in love with someone before even kissing them.

Mate, what you want is not realistic, not in average life, abd especially not with girls you meet in clubs.

If you want a relationship with a non-believer, you will have to accept that it's not going to happen the way you want, and you will fail time and again from ny experience. If your religion is playing a part in how you want a relationship to be, try finding some Christian dating sites, where the girls will be more on your page.

Firstly thank you for taking the time out to give me advice because I am struggling on this topic.

I see your point but I have already tried online dating (but not a Christian dating site) and I have not had much luck.

One experience I had in a club was when I was talking to this girl with my friend and all of a sudden she put her hand on my shoulder and moved into kiss me. Safe to say I panicked and pulled away and told her I was seeing a girl. I wasn't giving her any signals. I was mortified for her.

That is a scenario that I think it is not right to kiss a girl when I wasn't really into her.

The Narrator

Don't think I've ever met a man who wanted the rom com dream.

If you continue to take this matter so seriously, you're never going to be relaxed enough to 'follow through'.
And don't worry about it being perfect the first time, everything is a bit awkward the first time (kissing being no different).

Silverman11

The Narrator wrote: »

Don't think I've ever met a man who wanted the rom com dream.

If you continue to take this matter so seriously, you're never going to be relaxed enough to 'follow through'.
And don't worry about it being perfect the first time, everything is a bit awkward the first time (kissing being no different).

Thanks for the advice. I do understand that I have to relax more and I do work on it every time Im out.

Meauldsegosha

Silverman11 wrote: »

Imo it would be go somewhere and see a girl that you like and ask them on a date. It's cheesy I know

Fair enough if that is what you are into. You need to put yourself out there and meet people. Nightclubs are probably not the best place to do this.

Silverman11

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Fair enough if that is what you are into. You need to put yourself out there and meet people. Nightclubs are probably not the best place to do this.

In your honest opinion, do you think that the non nightclub method is realistic?

freshpopcorn

Silverman11 wrote: »

In your honest opinion, do you think that the non nightclub method is realistic?

It is realistic to meet somebody outside of a nightclub and develop a relationship with them.

Just out of interest who has told you it's wrong/bad to kiss a girl on a night out?

Meauldsegosha

Silverman11 wrote: »

In your honest opinion, do you think that the non nightclub method is realistic?

Of course it is. People meet their partners in lots of different places.