How to get rid of a black eye?

Voltex

Had bit of an accident in work today..ended up getting struck by a 4 inch SS pipe right across the top of my eye..hurt like hell and at one point thought Id had been knocked out. Anyway, got a whopper lump sticking out of my eyebrow and Im freaking out because Iv a meeting with a major customer next week and Im terrified Ill have a black eye...

Has anyone got a blackeye cure?

Pensivepuca

Tipex

DarkJager

Voltex wrote: »

Had bit of an accident in work today..ended up getting struck by a 4 inch SS pipe right across the top of my eye..hurt like hell and at one point thought Id had been knocked out. Anyway, got a whopper lump sticking out of my eyebrow and Im freaking out because Iv a meeting with a major customer next week and Im terrified Ill have a black eye...

Has anyone got a blackeye cure?

Punch yourself in the other eye - it will balance out your face and voila: no more black eye

stiffler123

Wear sunglasses.

Clandestine

Put an ice pack on it

Artful_Badger

DarkJager wrote: »

Punch yourself in the other eye - it will balance out your face and voila: no more black eye

Amateur mistake, two black eyes will stand out twice as much. What you need to do OP is punch yourself all over the face until its all the same colour.

theSHU

Toothpaste & baking soda

Pensivepuca

Honestly though, I heard putting luke warm tea bags on the eye will reduce swelling and stuff.

Voltex

DarkJager wrote: »

Punch yourself in the other eye - it will balance out your face and voila: no more black eye

...so your solution is that I go in looking like a Panda!

Dick Masterson

I like the Tipex idea. Unless you're an Asian guy, though. Do not use Tipex if you're Asian.

DarkJager

Voltex wrote: »

...so your solution is that I go in looking like a Panda!

Customers can't resist panda eyes

Voltex

FYI...Arnica is a load of boll ix!! Doesn't work!

Peetrik

Sod all you can do about it. Making sure you eat right for the week (fresh fruit & veg) will promote faster healing in your body but a black eye usually lasts as least two weeks.

Pixied

I'll be nice

'Arnica' cream from the chemist or health food store, gets rids of bruising it does work!! Happened me last week.

Ibuprofun maybe for pain/swelling.

Artful_Badger

Dick Masterson wrote: »

I like the Tipex idea. Unless you're a black guy, though. Do not use Tipex if you're black.

Because black people cant afford tipex ? This is the Oprah handbag incident all over again !

kraggy

Vitamin K cream

NuckingFacker

Voltex wrote: »

Had bit of an accident in work today..ended up getting struck by a 4 inch SS pipe right across the top of my eye..hurt like hell and at one point thought Id had been knocked out. Anyway, got a whopper lump sticking out of my eyebrow and Im freaking out because Iv a meeting with a major customer next week and Im terrified Ill have a black eye...

Has anyone got a blackeye cure?

It's the man up-stairs telling you the customer is a douche and you're better off not getting the work.... maybe not, but maybe..

Voltex

Id have rather taken a blow to the nuts than this!!
Looks awful!

truebluesac

Warn him in advance that you injured your eye saving falling kiddies from a burning building while it was flooding .

Sorted

wil

Voltex wrote: »

Had bit of an accident in work today..ended up getting struck by a 4 inch SS pipe right across the top of my eye..hurt like hell and at one point thought Id had been knocked out. Anyway, got a whopper lump sticking out of my eyebrow and Im freaking out because Iv a meeting with a major customer next week and Im terrified Ill have a black eye...

Has anyone got a blackeye cure?

I suggest bringing the pipe with you when you meet the customer.
That way they will understand and you mean get the business.

Renegade Mechanic

Voltex wrote: »

Had bit of an accident in work today..ended up getting struck by a 4 inch SS pipe right across the top of my eye..hurt like hell and at one point thought Id had been knocked out. Anyway, got a whopper lump sticking out of my eyebrow and Im freaking out because Iv a meeting with a major customer next week and Im terrified Ill have a black eye...

Has anyone got a blackeye cure?

Any big swelling should be mostly down by then. Then its just a matter of hiding that patch. It can be done. Get a sister or friend who is good with make up (foundation?) and theyll set you straight, op.
And go easy on the bar brawls;)

De Bellem

Tea bags.on the eye area

Galway K9

cure: used tea bag...leave on for as long As possible.

NuckingFacker

"Jasus Mr Voltex, what happened your eye?"

"Some lad didn't give me a job I was quoting for so I battered him, he got in one lucky punch before he died....."

mattjack

Hmmm difficult one OP and some of the comments around here are not helping one bit.
I myself , bearing in mind , it is national clown week next week suggest you dress up as a clown ..

De Bellem

Two answers the same,.It's cheap and with a lot of experience and it does work .

Gummy Panda

black eyes are in the thing.

stay sexy

wil

NuckingFacker wrote: »

"Jasus Mr Voltex, what happened your eye?"

"Some lad didn't give me a job I was quoting for so I battered him, he got in one lucky punch before he died....."

Aw beat me to it. No wait..

De Bellem

You would say that as any Panda would

Birneybau

Bloody SS pipes, Nazi bastards!

Jester252

Cut it and let it bleed

audman

Semen. It sounds obsurd but it's the be all and end all with regards curing black eyes. Best to have it out on the injured area straight and direct from the source. PM me for any details you may need and I might also add I'd be very happy to assist you in any way.

De Bellem

Gummy Panda wrote: »

black eyes are in the thing.

stay sexy

Sorry I feel like an old cricketer who didn't make it to the follow on

wilkie2006

Pensivepuca wrote: »

Honestly though, I heard putting luke warm tea bags on the eye will reduce swelling and stuff.

No, don't put anything like that (or a steak) on your eye; it's full of bacteria. Wrap a bag of frozen peas in clean cloth and keep it on the area for as long as you can (will reduce the swelling). Arnica cream should help with the discolouration.

If you were whacked so hard that you thought you'd pass out, I'm guessing you're gonna have a pretty livid bruise on your face. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll be gone in a week (even with the above remedies).

Best of luck, anyway.

theSHU

Deep Heat and vodka eye shots every hour

De Bellem

wilkie2006 wrote: »

No, don't put anything like that (or a steak) on your eye; it's full of bacteria. Wrap a bag of frozen peas in clean cloth and keep it on the area for as long as you can (will reduce the swelling). Arnica cream should help with the discolouration.

If you were whacked so hard that you thought you'd pass out, I'm guessing you're gonna have a pretty livid bruise on your face. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll be gone in a week (even with the above remedies).

Best of luck, anyway.

A used tea bag from boiled water from a teapot is full of bacteria. Really

DarkJager

De Bellem wrote: »

A used tea bag from boiled water from a teapot is full of bacteria. Really

And a scalded bollox.

hfallada

Get concealer from boots that women use. But dont make a ugly chick mistake and get one that doesnt match her skin tone e.g. she is really white but the concealer is pretty much orange and her acne like 10 times worse

Skinnykenyan

Get an Ice pack and a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel... Ice it for a bit this takes the blood away from the affected area reduces swelling.. Then hold the hot water bottle up against it this encourages new blood into the area which helps speed up the healing process.. Keep repeating the process. I think I learned this in college? Or maybe I made this up in my head?? Either way it makes sense... I think haha

Ace Attorney

Have someone urinate on it

NuckingFacker

Thatdoesnt looksafe tome AHHHHHHH wrote: »

Have someone urinate on it

and then come on you. before popping on a teabag, some arnica, two steaks, some concealer and a shower cap. Or else wander in, go "I banged my eye working last week, it's very sore but I'm a trooper, how can I help you?" You'd want to see the state of me somtimes in meetings. Like anyone gives two hoots, once you can do the job..

wicklowstevo

audman wrote: »

Semen. It sounds obsurd but it's the be all and end all with regards curing black eyes. Best to have it out on the injured area straight and direct from the source. PM me for any details you may need and I might also add I'd be very happy to assist you in any way.

get back to craigs list ya weirdo. heres spunk in your eye buddy

Duggy747

If cartoons have taught me anything is that you put a big massive piece of raw steak on your shiner.

Das Kitty

Time.

Sorry OP, I feel your pain.

Ace Attorney

NuckingFacker wrote: »

and then come on you. before popping on a teabag, some arnica, two steaks, some concealer and a shower cap. Or else wander in, go "I banged my eye working last week, it's very sore but I'm a trooper, how can I help you?" You'd want to see the state of me somtimes in meetings. Like anyone gives two hoots, once you can do the job..

Yeah... because urinating on a black eye really works....