Irish suicides in San Francisco

OU812

Bit of a serious one here, sorry to bring the mood down on a Friday afternoon. Hopefully the thread will be respected irrespective of being in after hours, I wanted it to reach as many people as possible.

I've just heard from a friend who lives in SF. A second friend of hers committed Suicide in the last couple of days by jumping from the golden gate bridge. He was 32, Irish & had been living there for the past two years.

This is the second suicide from her circle of friends & associates in three weeks. The first hung himself. Also Irish, aged 30, living there three years.

Both guys had expressed feeling homesick & isolated in the last couple of weeks.

If you are living abroad & feeling isolated, depressed or suicidal, please contact someone & speak to them. There's freephone numbers for most assistance organisations, or speak with a friend. Whatever is going on in your life bringing you down right now is a temporary thing. Suicide is permanent.

Please don't make such a serious decision without speaking to someone.

Of course the above goes for everyone, wether home or abroad.

Detective Mittens

Sad to hear, RIP

[-0-]

I'm ridiculously homesick. A friend of mine was buried back home today, and luckily I was able to view the service on a live link via a web cam the parish had installed a few years back. Sounds kinda mad, but it was lovely.

Best of luck to your friend. That's horrific stuff. Suicide is terrible.

The_Valeyard

RIP to those ppl.

If your living abroad and know of someone living alone or seems to be always isolated and lonely, may be no harm just to have a friendly chat and check in with them.

Nemeses

Sorry to hear. RIP.

Hope all is well with the family and hope they can seek whatever support that is available to them to get through this tough & difficult time.

Corvo

Sorry to hear about that OP. Too many Irish people dying of suicide, although depression and suicide is something I continue to suffer with myself, so maybe I have no place in this conversation.

[-0-] wrote: »

I'm ridiculously homesick. A friend of mine was buried back home today, and luckily I was able to view the service on a live link via a web cam the parish had installed a few years back. Sounds kinda mad, but it was lovely.

Best of luck to your friend. That's horrific stuff. Suicide is terrible.

Not taking away from the tone of the original post, but that is really handy (the web cam), especially when for so many people, coming back home from Oz etc. is such a financial strain that it just isn't possible.

Pang

This is dreadfully sad to hear.

Wompa1

Now I feel bad for posting that I was homesick on Facebook. Very sad to hear. It's tough living abroad, not sure how it is when you go abroad with people you know, but going it alone is very difficult. But, it was my choice...so I'll take my lumps

zenno

That's pretty sad indeed, unfortunately many folk from around the world travel purposely to this location to end their lives. A documentary was made a few years ago about this location (the golden gate bridge) Called 'The Bridge'. It was a very sad thing to watch

kerry4sam

OU812 wrote: »

...

I've just heard from a friend who lives in SF. A second friend of hers committed Suicide in the last couple of days by jumping from the golden gate bridge. He was 32, Irish & had been living there for the past two years.This is the second suicide from her circle of friends & associates in three weeks. The first hung himself. Also Irish, aged 30, living there three years.

Both guys had expressed feeling homesick & isolated in the last couple of weeks.

If you are living abroad & feeling isolated, depressed or suicidal, please contact someone & speak to them. There's freephone numbers for most assistance organisations, or speak with a friend. Whatever is going on in your life bringing you down right now is a temporary thing. Suicide is permanent.

Please don't make such a serious decision without speaking to someone.

Of course the above goes for everyone, wether home or abroad.

Ah OU812, I am sorry to hear your news here. Could I just ask you though to keep regular contact with your friend from this situation as she must truly be going through what feels like hell!

Know of very few people who has not been affected by suicide in some circle of friends / acquaintances and it's spine-tingling when it's so close to you!

Hope you OU812 are doing okay too; being supportive is not always easy and hearing these stories first-hand can often take its toll too; so I hope you too are doing okay

Thanks for sharing this,
kerry4sam

magick

I can completely relate to this post. You hear about people taking their own lives on the Golden Gate all too often. Feeling feeling homesick & isolated happens unfortunately all too often with ppl here. They seem not to be able to bounce back or see any type of hope. One thing I would urge people to do is to get in touch with their local Irish heritage center. You would be amazed by the positive effect that spending some time with other people from home has on you. It really makes you feel that your not alone and you have somewhere and someone to talk to.

Legs.Eleven

I'm really sorry to hear that, OP and can't imagine what was going on in their heads. Horrible to think.

I know of a guy who killed himself a few years ago in Australia. I met him a few times and as is often the case, was the last person in the world you'd imagine would do this. Just so tragic.

Many Irish people have left because they can't support themselves at home and would rather be at home. It's been a genuinely difficult decision for many. Living abroad is often made out to be an extended holiday by some but the reality is, wherever you go, there you are and you bring yourself and your troubles wherever you decide to settle down. Living away from familiarity and having that network of friends and family around you that you took for granted before can be very isolating and sad, particularly for people with existing mental health problems. Many people have no choice but to live abroad which is particularly tough for home birds.

Legs.Eleven

[-0-] wrote: »

I'm ridiculously homesick. A friend of mine was buried back home today, and luckily I was able to view the service on a live link via a web cam the parish had installed a few years back. Sounds kinda mad, but it was lovely.

Best of luck to your friend. That's horrific stuff. Suicide is terrible.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Is there no way at all you can move back home? Even a minimum wage job would be better than the misery of extreme homesickness, would it not?

IrishExpat

Terribly sad to hear, a suicide at home or abroad takes a toll on family and friends, which can last for years after the fact. I've seen this first-hand.

One bit of advice if going abroad:
find where people from your own country tend to hang-out (bars, sport, cultural events). It's easy enough with the likes of meetup.com etc, and the majority of large cities will have nearly always have a contingent of Irish, sometimes a GAA club etc

That's not to say you 'have to' go to every event, but just to know where to find some familiar surroundings if you're feeling homesick.

My name is URL

I lived in SF for a couple of years myself and witnessed a young woman jump from the bridge.. something that will stay with me for the rest of my life and fcuked my head up for quite a while after it happened. And I was just driving past at the time.. there were people actually trying to hold on to her and persuade her to change her mind. I can only imagine how awful it was for those people.

I know that people will find a way to take their own lives if they feel desperate enough to do so, but it always struck me that not enough is done to prevent people from doing it there and studies have shown that suicide rates can in fact increase simply because a place has become popular due to the number of times it happens there. Thankfully a 'suicide net' is likely to be erected soon.. not much help to those with severe depression but hopefully it will mean that less people need to witness such tragedies, which can't be a healthy thing in itself.

SolarFlash

Not every suicide abroad is caused by homesickness. It might have been something entirely unrelated that was behind these tragedies in SF. But yes if you are homesick it's best to be pro-active and do something about it.

Like joining some social groups in your area. You live abroad now you do not have that network of buddies from secondary school anymore so you have to go out and make new friends.

[-0-]

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Is there no way at all you can move back home? Even a minimum wage job would be better than the misery of extreme homesickness, would it not?

I've been considering it a lot more lately. My wife wants to move to Ireland (she's American and loved it there). Career-wise it makes sense to stay in the states for now.

I've found myself drinking at home and listening to trad music on YouTube a bit too often. A sure sign I'm depressed as feck! I feel like such a twonk after reading that sentence.

My wife and I start an Irish language course in September, and I'm also learning to play the uilleann pipes so that will keep me busy at the Irish heritage center near me. I also turn 30 at the end of the month and my family are coming over for that so I'll be grand I'm sure. I'm definitely planning a trip home next year. I haven't been back in close to 2 years at this stage.

I'm going to NYC to watch the All Ireland hurling final with a mate of mine as well. There's a bar there which is showing the game so that'll help as well. He's a mate from back home too and he's fairly homesick too. I never thought I'd be this depressed when I moved away. I was so sick of Ireland, the weather, everything. You know you've got it bad when you even miss the bloody rain! Haha.

rustedtrumpet

zenno wrote: »

That's pretty sad indeed, unfortunately many folk from around the world travel purposely to this location to end their lives. A documentary was made a few years ago about this location (the golden gate bridge) Called 'The Bridge'. It was a very sad thing to watch

Very interesting documentary, sad story.

OU812

[-0-] wrote: »

I'm ridiculously homesick. A friend of mine was buried back home today, and luckily I was able to view the service on a live link via a web cam the parish had installed a few years back. Sounds kinda mad, but it was lovely.

Best of luck to your friend. That's horrific stuff. Suicide is terrible.

You want to talk to someone, PM me your number, I've free calls to the US

up for anything

[-0-] wrote: »

I
I've found myself drinking at home and listening to trad music on YouTube a bit too often. A sure sign I'm depressed as feck! I feel like such a twonk after reading that sentence.

Don't feel too ashamed. When I was in London and got homesick I used to head to White City Market on a Sunday morning. It was a really scuzzy, crappy market but there was a stall there which sold all Irish music tapes of all sorts. The guy on the stall used to play them too. I'd hang round thumbing through the tapes (never bought any) listening to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCueMl54FdQ

and sniffling. I wouldn't mind but I don't like Trad or Irish music in general.

RachaelVO

[-0-] wrote: »

I've been considering it a lot more lately. My wife wants to move to Ireland (she's American and loved it there). Career-wise it makes sense to stay in the states for now.

I've found myself drinking at home and listening to trad music on YouTube a bit too often. A sure sign I'm depressed as feck! I feel like such a twonk after reading that sentence.

My wife and I start an Irish language course in September, and I'm also learning to play the uilleann pipes so that will keep me busy at the Irish heritage center near me. I also turn 30 at the end of the month and my family are coming over for that so I'll be grand I'm sure. I'm definitely planning a trip home next year. I haven't been back in close to 2 years at this stage.

I'm going to NYC to watch the All Ireland hurling final with a mate of mine as well. There's a bar there which is showing the game so that'll help as well. He's a mate from back home too and he's fairly homesick too. I never thought I'd be this depressed when I moved away. I was so sick of Ireland, the weather, everything. You know you've got it bad when you even miss the bloody rain! Haha.

I hear ya loud and clear, I've just left home after a 5 week visit. Fecking well hate it here (Netherlqands), with a passion. I'd love to just go home and take a job shovelling ****e off the side of the road if I had to. Can't though, hubby is an only child and his parents aren't that young anymore and would have no one to look after them, unlike my Dad who has my clan just down the road.

I'd like to think I'd not be driven to the depths those poor guys succumbed to in the OP, but I find myself too watching youtube and listening to songs I'd not normally even like, but it's Irish... and then watching the Bull crying singing Ireland Call at Croker, that genuinely makes me cry.

All I can say is thank god for skype, sorta eases the homesickness a smidge

RachaelVO

OU812 wrote: »

You want to talk to someone, PM me your number, I've free calls to the US

That's the kinda thing that restores a bit of faith. Kindness to strangers

Nice to see

kraggy

My name is URL wrote: »

I lived in SF for a couple of years myself and witnessed a young woman jump from the bridge.. something that will stay with me for the rest of my life and fcuked my head up for quite a while after it happened. And I was just driving past at the time.. there were people actually trying to hold on to her and persuade her to change her mind. I can only imagine how awful it was for those people.

I know that people will find a way to take their own lives if they feel desperate enough to do so, but it always struck me that not enough is done to prevent people from doing it there and studies have shown that suicide rates can in fact increase simply because a place has become popular due to the number of times it happens there. Thankfully a 'suicide net' is likely to be erected soon.. not much help to those with severe depression but hopefully it will mean that less people need to witness such tragedies, which can't be a healthy thing in itself.

There's a documentary called "The Bridge" that shows people jumping and also interviews families who lost loved ones and an interview with someone who jumped but survived. It's a long way down!

clairefontaine

My father was an Irish immigrant. He Wa often homesick and made sure to take trips back home.

Of course he would encounter other Irish who were homesick and wanted to go back. To this he would say, " Remember why you left."

u140acro3xs7dm

Sleep well buddy x

zenno

Don't even think of thinking a bad act on oneself if you are in a bad situation... Just focus the thought on Mhuirnín Ó and think of the good times when you set foot back on the island of Ireland. Something to look forward to, the country is not as bad as you think, it's actually a paradise regardless of it's situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bWTELe8dLo

Lapin

Very sad post OP.

As someone who can relate to what you said I would please ask anyone who feels lonely or homesick to gather their thoughts before doing anything drastic.

You may feel isolated and cut off in a foreign land but there are always others around in the same boat and many more who are more than willing to be there for you.

I am happy for anyone to PM me if they are feeling homesick or lonely abroad.

I've been there and know that sometimes all it takes is a bit of interaction and craic with someone from home to stave off any negative thoughts.

Stinicker

I feel very similar except totally opposite of the OP, I am back in Ireland for a few weeks now and am nearly gone demented I just can't wait to get out of this godforsaken hell-hole as soon as I can. Becareful of what you wish for is all I will say to those home-sick for our backwards corrupt rainy broken rock is all I will say.

DEFTLEFTHAND

My name is URL wrote: »

I lived in SF for a couple of years myself and witnessed a young woman jump from the bridge.. something that will stay with me for the rest of my life and fcuked my head up for quite a while after it happened. And I was just driving past at the time.. there were people actually trying to hold on to her and persuade her to change her mind. I can only imagine how awful it was for those people.

I know that people will find a way to take their own lives if they feel desperate enough to do so, but it always struck me that not enough is done to prevent people from doing it there and studies have shown that suicide rates can in fact increase simply because a place has become popular due to the number of times it happens there. Thankfully a 'suicide net' is likely to be erected soon.. not much help to those with severe depression but hopefully it will mean that less people need to witness such tragedies, which can't be a healthy thing in itself.

There are plans in place to fit the bridge with 'suicide barriers'. However concerns to how this will impact on it's appearance as well as the massive costs involved (reportedly up to an unbelievable 40 million dollars) considering California's financial woes means they're on ice for the forseeable future.

u140acro3xs7dm

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

They are plans in place to fit the bridge with 'suicide barriers'. However concerns to how this will impact on it's appearance as well as the massive costs involved (reportedly up to an unbelievable 40 million dollars) considering California's financial woes means they're on ice for the forseeable future.

who gives a **** how it looks, if it saves 1 life it is worth every penny. At the end of the day it is only a ****ing bridge, a means of crossing a river.

Lapin

Stinicker wrote: »

I feel very similar except totally opposite of the OP, I am back in Ireland for a few weeks now and am nearly gone demented I just can't wait to get out of this godforsaken hell-hole as soon as I can. Becareful of what you wish for is all I will say to those home-sick for our backwards corrupt rainy broken rock is all I will say.

Everyone is different Stinicker.

A lot of people don't think about the "backwards corrupt rainy broken rock" at all.

Most people who leave home miss their families.

Parents, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives - children. Friends.

People we take for granted when they are around us all the time. But we'd give anything to be with them when we can't be.


Its a different story when you are forced to go abroad to work just to provide for your kids back home. Its not always feasable for entire families to up sticks like you can.

mair1910

Please come home!! If anyone ever feels like this or knows anyone please come home. You would be welcomed with opened arms!!! X

u140acro3xs7dm

mair1910 wrote: »

Please come home!! If anyone ever feels like this or knows anyone please come home. You would be welcomed with opened arms!!! X

exactly, €188 and a load of love back home beats all the money in the world and pure emptiness inside when you are abroad. Ive been there, if you feel **** go home or pick up the phone, there will always be someone to listen.

Auldloon

Sad for those people, hope I'm never in their shoes. So nice to see the compassion in this thread, one of the common Irish attributes that I miss. I've been living abroad full time now since 97 and I doubt I'm going back any time soon but I do miss loads of things. Everyday banter, kindness of strangers stuff like that. You don't get that in many places.

Highflyer13

Stinicker wrote: »

I feel very similar except totally opposite of the OP, I am back in Ireland for a few weeks now and am nearly gone demented I just can't wait to get out of this godforsaken hell-hole as soon as I can. Becareful of what you wish for is all I will say to those home-sick for our backwards corrupt rainy broken rock is all I will say.

Dont want to derail but stay out pal. Don't want you're negativity here anyway. Sure theres lots of negatives about Ireland but they are outweighed by the positives. This country will be fixed in time and will overcome our current problems. Mark my words. I firmly believe our best days are ahead of us.

RIP to the deceased in San Fran.

InTheTrees

Very very sorry to hear. Tragic. I've been in the usa a little over 20 years and it can be a hard place. But home is always back there and there will always be help of some kind available.
Call the embassy/consulate if you're really in trouble. They will always help.

dd972

RachaelVO wrote: »

I hear ya loud and clear, I've just left home after a 5 week visit. Fecking well hate it here (Netherlqands), with a passion. I'd love to just go home and take a job shovelling ****e off the side of the road if I had to. Can't though, hubby is an only child and his parents aren't that young anymore and would have no one to look after them, unlike my Dad who has my clan just down the road.

I'd like to think I'd not be driven to the depths those poor guys succumbed to in the OP, but I find myself too watching youtube and listening to songs I'd not normally even like, but it's Irish... and then watching the Bull crying singing Ireland Call at Croker, that genuinely makes me cry.

All I can say is thank god for skype, sorta eases the homesickness a smidge

Just a thought, don't know what you do for a living but if you speak Dutch I'd consider heading down to Antwerp or Ghent to live if you don't like NL, the Flemish are generally much nicer people than a lot of the loud mouthed, full of themselves c**ts up there.

It's a serious issue.. An Irish girl who came to Hanoi a few weeks is living with one of my friends. She had a complete mental breakdown last weekend and they had to take her to the hospital because she ended up having the first seizure of her life and could barely breath. It can be really difficult for some people.. Some love it, some hate it and some lose it.

denhaagenite

RachaelVO wrote: »

I hear ya loud and clear, I've just left home after a 5 week visit. Fecking well hate it here (Netherlqands), with a passion. I'd love to just go home and take a job shovelling ****e off the side of the road if I had to. Can't though, hubby is an only child and his parents aren't that young anymore and would have no one to look after them, unlike my Dad who has my clan just down the road.

I'd like to think I'd not be driven to the depths those poor guys succumbed to in the OP, but I find myself too watching youtube and listening to songs I'd not normally even like, but it's Irish... and then watching the Bull crying singing Ireland Call at Croker, that genuinely makes me cry.

All I can say is thank god for skype, sorta eases the homesickness a smidge

Hey, have you tried the living abroad forum? There's a Netherlands thread there, lots of us Irish all over NL. Would really hate to think of anyone struggling here so let me know if there's anything I can do to help