informal separation

zagro

My wife moved out yesterday taking our three years old daughter. She didn't say where she is going to and when I could see my little girl. As far I know I can't do anything because of sick irish law which gives permission to do that.
I was going to enter into separation agreement before she left. I tried to sort it out and have arranged a mediation for us but she hasn't agreed.
My question is: how quick can I get court order for Access (no chance for custody in IE) ? Should I apply for a separation first?
Second thing is rent. We signed new letting agreement one month ago (12 months contract). I don't work from yesterday (bad things happen at once). If I apply for rent supplement, maximum rent is about €500-600 a month for single person. We pay €825 for 2 bed. What I have to do now? If I leave the property where I'm now I'll loose security deposit. I can't stay because the rent is too high in my situation.
Third and last thing: maintenance. I'd like to pay money for my daughter but I don't know how much? any advice? and how to pay? bank transfer?

Pro Hoc Vice

Call into Family Law Free Legal Aid centre close to you and make an apointment. If you are above income thresholds call into local solicitor.

Can not give legal advice, as against the forum rules, but as an aside I know men in Ireland who have full custody of children. While the norm is the mother it can happen the other way around.

zagro

Thanks for your reply. The law is sick because one of parents can take a child away not telling where is going to. It a revenge for separation offer, nothing more. Then the child is the only victim

hawkwind23

i agree with infosys

i also advice is to seek some sort of support network.
perhaps someone can put a few links up for Ireland?

the laws will be different in the UK/Northern Ireland but you may find some help in the following.

http://www.fnf.org.uk/

http://www.familes.ie/ (irish site)

http://www.fnfni.org/ (northern ireland )

zagro

ok

dharma200

I hope you manage to get access soon. Don't loose hope and don't post things like that in the nternet, could cause you loads more hassle... Go and see a solicitor as soon as you can and find out where you stand legally.

hawkwind23

I would delete that post.
Call someone and talk to them.
Families need fathers in the UK have a support line.
I've been through similar, it gets easier with time.
But you do get through it!
Posts like the above are not helping and only causing undue worry to anyone reading.
Talk to a friend / family / helpline over this weekend and seek legal advice on Monday.

zagro

My situation is very hard now.
I visited garda station few times. They located my daughter but I can't see her. My ex put an court order on me. I don't know exactly what is in the order but gardai told me, they gonna arrest me if I try ti see my little girl.
How can I take the court order off? I can't wait few months for court hearing to see my daughter. My wife is simply lying and she gave false statement. She is going to leave the country. I'm ready to go for polygraph test, psychologist opinion and what whatever is necessary to take the order off from me. All family friends, neighbours and even our gp and childcare staff can confirm my version.
My ex is simply clever and she will do everything to ruin my life even if she hurts our child
Is there a possibility to take the order off from me?

angelfire9

You need to go to a solicitor ASAP
You may be able to apply for an order to prevent her taking your daughter out of the country
The protection/barring order cannot be rescinded without a court hearing as far as I know
Best advice anyone here can give you is GET LEGAL ADVICE

hawkwind23

GET LEGAL ADVICE!
these things take a lot of time , tell your legal team that you suspect the mother is going to remove the children from the jurisdiction and it may be possible to secure an order preventing that immediately.

zagro

I've applied for a legal representative from Legal Aid Board. Waiting time is 12 months. They got my court orders am morning and I am awaiting for a response now. Anyone knows someone like Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad..? He would sort that out quickly
Polygraph test will cost me €495 and I'm not sure if a judge from District court accept that as an evidence but I'm willing do the test. and I'll do.
I just got an email:
'The Protection Order will remain valid until the 8th November 2013'

zagro

I'll be getting a huge amount from Social Welfare from the next week Tuesday- €81. I have to pay all utility bills upc, electricity, waste, tv and rent which is €825 a month. If I decide to leave I need to take away all our staff which won't fit 3,5 tonne truck. a Court order to me to not remove any items from home...
Still don't see my daughter and my ex walks through Dublin and laughs how stupid I am and how smart she is. Can I prosecute her for giving false statement? It's only family matter
I qualify for a solicitor from Legal Aid Board. I'll get tomorrow morning a list of solicitors participiting in private practitioner's scheme and arrange a consultation

"these things take a lot of time , tell your legal team that you suspect the mother is going to remove the children from the jurisdiction and it may be possible to secure an order preventing that immediately."
I applied yesterday. District Court is not interested. It will be heard in November

brianwarren

HI Zagro

Apologies to be the bearer of bad news, but you are better keeping your money in your pocket, and spending them on your girl when you get to see her.
Life is a bollix, sometimes it is short, and sometimes it is long. The issue with Kids and exPartners is that the process is for the rest of your life.
I have a friend whose partner was not the nicest person in the world. They separated, and he went through the Court System paying hundreds of thousands of pounds to solicitors, wining every hearing.
But in the end, if your partner does not want you to see your child, you have to wait until she comes around, or your child is old enough that she will come around on her own. I hate to give this advise, but better you have your money and are pissed, than a solicitor has your money and your more pissed.

I have been thinking about the situation lately. It is coming to a situation where a PrePartnership Access Agreement needs to be signed between couples.
While things for most women were difficult in the past ( and for some continue to be ), the separation of children from loving fathers is not good for any family. Now a days, one doesn't even need to be in a lasting relationship to have issues. You could have a one night stand, end up becoming a parent, and find out you have no rights to the child. For most men, this is a trauma that lasts a life time.
I am going to start a Post regarding the PrePartnership Access Agreement. Let me know what you think.

zagro

anyone heard about J Wallerstein?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Wallerstein

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/07/judith_wallerstein_and_divorce_how_one_woman_changed_the_way_we_think_about_breakups_.html

Read before you go into separation:
"The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study"
"What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce"
"Surviving The Breakup: How Children And Parents Cope With Divorce"