Am I being unreasonable saying no...

Rainbow_Bright

My mother has recently decided to take on an online course. She chose this option as it is more convenient than driving to college everyday. It will require 100 hours in total. The thing is that my mum is not 100% confident working on a laptop. She can do the basics email etc but even so, I get the impression that she wants me to do the bulk of the work. She obviously has all of the qualifications through experience just not on paper so technically she knows the information already . I was all for helping but then my my mum says something along the lines that it wouldn't take <I>me</I> long to complete the 100 hours. I'm working full time and will be studying part time from September so I'll be pretty busy with my own work. Come September onwards, I'll have assignments and reading to do. I asked my mum to strongly consider how much of this she can possibly do by herself as I won't always be available. Now I'm being "difficult", apparently, despite the fact that I feel I'll be busy with my own work yet I'm expected to do more than just help out with my mum's course.

Am I being unreasonable having this attitude or justified..?

Boombastic

No you are not being unreasonable. If your mother wants to achieve the award, she needs to put in the work. Offer to give her some computer lessons

Czarcasm

Rainbow_Bright wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable having this attitude or justified..?

Completely justified, and more to the point I'd question why your mother took on a course when she had no intention of putting in the work herself. You should suggest your mother learn to crawl before the can... well, she actually wants to be carried!

That'll be a "No!" then.

Pat McGhee

You're completely justified! Your mum signed up for the course, so she needs to do the work, not you. Simples!

Besides, if she wants to apply what she's learning to real world situations, she's gonna have to get more IT literate. Time spent on her course work on the laptop will help her gain confidence.

JustAThought

Y - what kind of course is it? What will be needed of her? Is it CAD online or just reading ?

You'd be surprised how little effort might be needed once she gets going. & 100 hours is only 12 full time days.

You're maybe iverestimatung te pressure you might be out under. She can email, so she can type - & read! What a to worry about on a 12 day course!!! Don't stress it!

Think if all the things your
Mom did for you !
( & do you still live in her house !!?) : )

December2012

So she's asking you to cheat? For her?

I wouldn't do it!

PucaMama

JustAThought wrote: »

Y - what kind of course is it? What will be needed of her? Is it CAD online or just reading ?

You'd be surprised how little effort might be needed once she gets going. & 100 hours is only 12 full time days.

You're maybe iverestimatung te pressure you might be out under. She can email, so she can type - & read! What a to worry about on a 12 day course!!! Don't stress it!

Think if all the things your
Mom did for you !
( & do you still live in her house !!?) : )

this shouldnt make a difference. the op is working and studying already.
edit never understand how just because u grow up the family home is no longer seen as your home by some people. seriously. its not just "her" home.

thefeatheredcat

You're not being unreasonable at all. The way I've found with parents and difficulties with using laptops or software is to show them how to do it and leave a good training guide for them to refer to if they get stuck or forget how to do X or Y.

It really benefits your mum to do it and figure it out and learn it for herself. That way she can be independent. If the online course gives some sort of accreditation like confirms her ability to use MS Access or like an ECDL, something else where an employer or where further study would see she has done this course and goes "ah well she's done this course so she should be able to do X, Y and Z as part of her job or further study". I recall in a previous job I was in, office based working with MS Outlook and other software, that despite it being a requirement to have basic computer skills, the recruitment agency still sent a few in a batch of new starters who had never used a computer before and had never heard of MS Outlook and had to be taught in training, how to basically use a computer and basic computer skills. For all I know somewhere on their CV it had said they had the knowledge, had done some online course and got a piece of paper to their name saying they are competent in it, but they got someone else to do the work for them.

If your mum can't be rational about it, put it to her this: if you were to start a cooking class, a mechanical engineering class, or a pottery class, any sort of class, course, study that you have to produce something, anything from a physical thing to a written report, would she accept you hinting at her to do the donkey work for you so you can produce her work and pass it off as your own?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Rainbow_Bright wrote: »

My mother has recently decided to take on an online course. She chose this option as it is more convenient than driving to college everyday. It will require 100 hours in total. The thing is that my mum is not 100% confident working on a laptop. She can do the basics email etc but even so, I get the impression that she wants me to do the bulk of the work. She obviously has all of the qualifications through experience just not on paper so technically she knows the information already . I was all for helping but then my my mum says something along the lines that it wouldn't take <I>me</I> long to complete the 100 hours. I'm working full time and will be studying part time from September so I'll be pretty busy with my own work. Come September onwards, I'll have assignments and reading to do. I asked my mum to strongly consider how much of this she can possibly do by herself as I won't always be available. Now I'm being "difficult", apparently, despite the fact that I feel I'll be busy with my own work yet I'm expected to do more than just help out with my mum's course.

Am I being unreasonable having this attitude or justified..?

"Being difficult" is something people say to those who they know are right.

Are you sue you're expected to do the bulk of it? I'd advise talking directly to her and asking how much help she's going to need from you. If too much is too much then say so. She's the one doing the course, so she's the one who should be doing to work.

JustAThought

JustAThought wrote: »

Think if all the things your
Mom did for you !
( & do you still live in her house !!?) : )

I'm sure the OP's mum never did the OP's homework.

OP, while your mum might need some bits of advice (which could easily be sorted out over a phonecall), on the whole it's something she needs to do for herself. Especially if she's already qualified in terms of experience, it would be easy for her to end up feeling like this course is just a hoop that needs to be jumped through, and to forget that she still needs to do all the work and earn the qualification.

I had a mature student in my class in college who had already worked in the profession, who often got other students to "help" him, because he felt like he shouldn't have to do the work since he felt he had already earned his degree. It's important for your mum to realise that taking on this course is a real commitment with real responsibilities, and that regardless of her experience or her frustration with IT, she needs to earn her qualification in the way the course sets out.

Merkin

It's a bit bloody presumptuous no? Is she in turn willing to undertake to complete all your course work and assignments? I doubt it somehow. You're not being at all unreasonable - stand your ground and help her with her computer skills but that's about as far as I would go.

ash23

What help does she want exactly? Is it just typing? I can see why that would be the case if she's a slow typist. I do some typing sometimes for my parents as what would take me ten minutes would take them an hour.

I'd just phrase it that you will give her as much assistance as you can, so long as it's not actually inputting into the course. As in she can dictate and you can type but you won't do the work for her.
And that you will help where possible but you won't always be free to do so, depending on the course.

She's probably just feeling daunted at the prospect of doing the course and is looking for a bit of reassurance and support. She's your mother. You should at least try to help her out if you can. Again, that's not saying you're at her beck and call but maybe wait and see how much help she actually wants and needs before turning her down.

Yellow121

If it's like my parents on the computer, you need to leave a very detailed step by step guide. That's just to get on to microsoft word!
If it's typing she's talking about then maybe if she has it all written out (in neat handwritting) then you might consider typing it for a reasonable price. Or if you're a fast typer then do it for free.
You're not being unreasonable though, just come to an arrangement in a civil and calm manner. Like all mothers and daughters do.

El_Dangeroso

Hi OP,

I think you need a method of talking to your mother that allows you to deal with her manipulative behaviour. By manipulative I don't mean vindictive in any way, just that she is using the tool of making you feel guilty for not helping her to get her way.

I recommend reading a great book on assertiveness that outlines exactly how to deal with these types of situations called 'When I say no I feel guilty.' by Manuel J. Smith.

It gives you a dialogue on how to deal with these situations to avoid them escalating into confrontation.

If you don't have time to read the whole book there's a good overview here:
http://www.transcendedu.com/upload/when-i-say-no-i-feel-guilty-smith-e.pdf