Hen Night Etiquette - is there any?

Fittle

Just wondering what's the etiquette for inviting ladies to your hen night, and only to the afters of your wedding?

Having been single for a long time, I have a few different circles of girlfriends - some would be old drinking pals, some old work colleagues, some are parents of my sons friends and so on. In most of the groups, I would have one or two close pals, who are getting invited to the full day. I'd love all of them to come, but have decided on inviting the others to just the afters, for financial reasons mainly! But I don't see most of them that often nowadays anyway.

Is that rude of me? They were all good friends of mine at a particular point in time, and have all been a big part of my life in some way over the years...is there an etiquette for inviting someone to your hens and not the full wedding, or does anyone care anymore??

rainbowtrout

I'm not married, but in my experience of attending hens, those that are going to the hen are usually going to the full thing - as in they are invited to the full thing. I have met people on hens not going to the full thing but that's because they can't attend, not because they aren't getting an invite. Generally those on the hen are close friends and relations and future in laws. It's a smaller more intimate group of people than the wedding itself so for me I would find it a little weird to have a group of up to 20 people attending the hen, but not invite some of them to the main reception.

I'm generally not fussed about weddings and don't get put out if I don't get a plus one or not get invited to a cousin's wedding when another cousin is, but I'd be wondering why I'd be invited to a small close gathering of people on a hen night but not invited to the whole thing, especially if most of them are.

January

Anybody that is coming to my hens will be invited to the full day of the wedding.

Ms2011

I have girls going to my hen's that aren't going to the full wedding.
Lives are so fast paced now that you don't always get to keep as close to friends as you might like therefore you're not as close as you once were but that said a hen's night is still a great event to round everyone up for a catch up before the wedding.

Fittle

Just to clarify - the hens is just a nite out in Dublin - it's not a big weekend away or even an overnighter. Does that make a difference - like I'd be inviting the girls to a nite out, meal etc - rather than putting them to huge expense?

lazygal

I have never been at a hen party where all others weren't invited to the whole day. TBH if I wasn't a good enough friend to be asked to your wedding, I wouldn't be going to your hen party. Even if it is a night out type hen - which is the only type I attend - I would think it weird to be asked to attend and then not asked to your wedding.

LashingLady

I went to a hen night last year and there were a few girls including me who were only invited to the afters of the wedding. This was a girl who I had just recently started meeting up with again after we had been working in different places for a few years.

Because of that reason I didn't think it strange that I was only going to the afters and I really enjoyed the hens.

If I were you I'd have a chat with some if the girls who will be going to the afters and see how they feel about it. If they're anything like me (2 small kids) they'd jump at the opportunity for a hen night out regardless of whether they're going to the full wedding or not!

I got married abroad and there was just a small group coming to the wedding, I had my hen night in Dublin with 30 of my friends and family and only around 5 of them were coming to the wedding at all.

Cathmandooo

If you invite them to your hen you should invite them to the full wedding, only exception would be if your wedding is very intimate with less than 10 people.

They're going to the full expense of the hen night and attending the afters, outfits for both, hair, make up, gift, travel, dinner at the hen, perhaps having to stay overnight at the wedding and all you're providing is a few cocktail sausages and a cup of tea?

Maybe some will be delighted not to have to sit through the ceremony and dinner but I think you should give them that choice.

Perhaps my view is tainted though as I really dislike the idea of the afters, I find it a horrible 'you didn't make the cut' affair.

PinkLemonade

I wouldn't if I were you, it can lead to hurt feelings and the potential for drama which you really want to avoid on your big day.

It can be seen as quite selfish too, hens are very expensive why expect someone to fork out for you when you've already decided that they aren't worth the cost of a full invite.

Not trying to be hard on you OP, just letting you know what could happen, happened to a friend of mine!

April O Neill

Cathmandooo wrote: »

Perhaps my view is tainted though as I really dislike the idea of the afters, I find it a horrible 'you didn't make the cut' affair.

The only thing I like about the after is it allows people to ask along boyfriends/girlfriends in the evening. This is good where someone hasn't been going out with someone for very long so wasn't given a plus one. I know it's not a necessity to have your bf/gf at a wedding you're attending but it's nice to have them along for a few hours in the evening.

Gatica

It depends on the hen.. if you're just going for a few drinks, then fancy make-up, dress and all the expenses that go with the fuss of a hen are not so necessary. Get the word out and let any of the girls you know come for a drink or a send off into married life.
However, anything more private such as night away, I would defo not be inviting those who are not invited to the full wedding.

We didn't have afters either. We wanted the people we invited to the wedding there, the rest didn't matter so much for the day, so they didn't matter for evening either. Only had the girls that we invited to our wedding at the hen, but then again we went away for a night at a spa hotel.

Minier81

The etiquette is invite to hen means invite to full wedding. Agree with a previous poster that the exception would be a 10 person or less wedding.

Balmed Out

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056330723

Similar old thread where the boot was on the other foot

Ms2011

Balmed Out wrote: »

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056330723

Similar old thread where the boot was on the other foot

In that case the poster wasn't invited to any part of the wedding, the OP will be inviting some of her friends to the afters only so they are still getting an invite.