Tacky and over the top displays for life events

Ray Palmer

We have all seen the over the top limos for debs, communions etc... They are normally expensive tacky things. It even extends later on for funerals and even grave stones. Now when my relatives die there is normally a notice saying not to send flower but instead give to a charity. At other funerals it looks like people are trying to show off by buying massive amounts of flowers.

Now each to their own but I just wonder do people who do these things have any idea that it appears tacky to others?

It could be snobbery on my behalf I have to admit. I remember seeing a wealthy woman from Massachusetts talking about the Kennedy's. She pointed out that they all turned up to a wedding wearing over the top outfits and showy jewellery which showed they had not class.

Hate to think I am similar but I find it a culturally different thing when I am at such over the top events. I was at one funeral where the flowers were way over the top which is fine but then a while later an "event" was held to help the family with funeral costs. So they couldn't even afford the funeral that they spent so much on. It doesn't seem very dignified to me.

Most funeral flowers are sent by attendees or people who can't attend but want to make a visible contribution. The majority are not paid for by the family of the deceased.

Lando Griffin

When I get married our invites are only going to request cash only, none of these fancy toasters, dinner wear or ironing boards:mad:
We have a wedding to pay for.
And to show how well up we are, its Black tie only.

Lando Griffin

Lando Griffin wrote: »

When I get married our invites are only going to request cash only, none of these fancy toasters, dinner wear or ironing boards:mad:
We have a wedding to pay for.

Please be joking.

Mr Benevolent

Lando Griffin wrote: »

When I get married our invites are only going to request cash only, none of these fancy toasters, dinner wear or ironing boards:mad:
We have a wedding to pay for.
And to show how well up we are, its Black tie only.

AH's greatest troll strikes again.

caustic 1

Flowers at funerals always stumped me.... why why why?.... To me it's only to show the living that my flowers are better than her/his.
Not so much at funeral more anniversary time, you go to grave and see folk looking at who left what flowers and I think wtf
I don't leave any. They can either think I don't attend or just a tight git, don't care either way.

Merkin

I was delighted to see the Holy Communion allowance being scrapped considering most of it for a lot of people was going on a spray tan, stretch limo and manicures.....for seven year olds, Jesus wept :rolleyes:

SEPT 23 1989

For my funeral i will be getting a horse drawn carriage

I Heart Internet

Lando Griffin wrote: »

When I get married our invites are only going to request cash only, none of these fancy toasters, dinner wear or ironing boards:mad:
We have a wedding to pay for.
And to show how well up we are, its Black tie only.

Black tie for a wedding (presumably a day-time wedding) is super tacky.

Black-tie is evening wear - should not be worn before, say, 6pm.

BeerWolf

One could say; "What business is it to you?" .

shane9689

wa you say'n
tis ar culture, ar culture i tell ya.
i be with jospeh der gettin the limo, kristie needs her communion, t' be der a important day for us in da community, tis part of our culture ya see
don you be sayin nuthin now bou our culture der

mutley18

If I ever got married i wouldn't mind doing it in a registry office with just a few close friends and family present, I feckin hate over the top weddings.

Ray Palmer

BeerWolf wrote: »

One could say; "What business is it to you?" .

The same way any cultural aspect of this country is of interest to me. I don't understand it and wanted other opinions

Candie wrote: »

Most funeral flowers are sent by attendees or people who can't attend but want to make a visible contribution. The majority are not paid for by the family of the deceased.

In the case I mentioned there were a lot of flowers just from the family (big ones with brother, son, his name) and they also got a really over the top grave stone. They couldn't afford it and asked others to contribute including me.

No Pants

I don't like flowers for the most part, they're an expression of mortality, which at a funeral is not needed. Plant something at a graveside, maybe a small tree.

Was at a graveyard recently and some of the graves had small wooden crosses, which I liked. I've asked to be cremated in any case. I don't really care what happens to the ashes. Maybe bury them in the garden.

April O Neill

Lando Griffin wrote: »

When I get married our invites are only going to request cash only, none of these fancy toasters, dinner wear or ironing boards:mad:
We have a wedding to pay for.
And to show how well up we are, its Black tie only.

hoodwinked

mutley18 wrote: »

If I ever got married i wouldn't mind doing it in a registry office with just a few close friends and family present, I feckin hate over the top weddings.

hahahaha

reminds me of my husbands brother and his wife, they were basically trying to 'outdo' our wedding (they organised theirs the month before us about a year after finding out our date)

but every idea we had they were stealing, so i rather than get upset i got even,


i started going on about my dress and how amazing it was and how all the fashionistas in my family were helping me by keeping it ahead of the trends for dresses, i showed them a fake image of a horrible wedding dress...etc

i started going on about how posh it was to have an old car, and how my mum had an old car for hers (she got married the year before) ...etc


and how fabulous our cake was going to be,how we were booking the best wedding band in the area, i went totally ott describing everything,


they stole every idea i planted and it was the most over the top wedding that was terrible from the get go even her dress was a carbon copy of what i said mine was like, everyone constantly felt uncomfortable and awkward because they all knew she stole what we told them we were doing, and guests in the boys family commented on the lack of a personal touch on the couples behalf.

we just went off and organised ours the way we wanted, small, understated, relaxed and a damn good party, and it turned out that way.

April O Neill

No Pants wrote: »

Was at a graveyard recently and some of the graves had small wooden crosses, which I liked.

They are usually just put there until the gravestone is put up.

I Heart Internet

hoodwinked wrote: »

hahahaha

reminds me of my husbands brother and his wife, they were basically trying to 'outdo' our wedding (they organised theirs the month before us about a year after finding out our date)

but every idea we had they were stealing, so i rather than get upset i got even,


i started going on about my dress and how amazing it was and how all the fashionistas in my family were helping me by keeping it ahead of the trends for dresses, i showed them a fake image of a horrible wedding dress...etc

i started going on about how posh it was to have an old car, and how my mum had an old car for hers (she got married the year before) ...etc


and how fabulous our cake was going to be,how we were booking the best wedding band in the area, i went totally ott describing everything,


they stole every idea i planted and it was the most over the top wedding that was terrible from the get go even her dress was a carbon copy of what i said mine was like, everyone constantly felt uncomfortable and awkward because they all knew she stole what we told them we were doing, and guests in the boys family commented on the lack of a personal touch on the couples behalf.

we just went off and organised ours the way we wanted, small, understated, relaxed and a damn good party, and it turned out that way.

Is this the story from a (bad) Hollywood motion picture?

Also - why would you be so nasty towards your husband's family?

No Pants

April O Neill wrote: »

They are usually just put there until the gravestone is put up.

I like them better.

hoodwinked

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Is this the story from a (bad) Hollywood motion picture?

Also - why would you be so nasty towards your husband's family?

nope, true story,

long story short after years of abuse from these people trying to carbon copy our wedding took the biscuit,


at the end of a long tether we (my husband and i ) took some action,

April O Neill

No Pants wrote: »

I like them better.

Then nowt stopping you from requesting that for your own grave. I wouldn't see a problem and it would be inexpensive to replace, I'd imagine, when it gets a bit weather-worn.

Cunning Stunt

hoodwinked wrote: »

hahahaha

reminds me of my husbands brother and his wife, they were basically trying to 'outdo' our wedding (they organised theirs the month before us about a year after finding out our date)

but every idea we had they were stealing, so i rather than get upset i got even,


i started going on about my dress and how amazing it was and how all the fashionistas in my family were helping me by keeping it ahead of the trends for dresses, i showed them a fake image of a horrible wedding dress...etc

i started going on about how posh it was to have an old car, and how my mum had an old car for hers (she got married the year before) ...etc


and how fabulous our cake was going to be,how we were booking the best wedding band in the area, i went totally ott describing everything,


they stole every idea i planted and it was the most over the top wedding that was terrible from the get go even her dress was a carbon copy of what i said mine was like, everyone constantly felt uncomfortable and awkward because they all knew she stole what we told them we were doing, and guests in the boys family commented on the lack of a personal touch on the couples behalf.

we just went off and organised ours the way we wanted, small, understated, relaxed and a damn good party, and it turned out that way.

Bridezilla auditions that way

---

>

Ray Palmer

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Is this the story from a (bad) Hollywood motion picture?

Also - why would you be so nasty towards your husband's family?

It doesn't even sound particularly believable that people would feel uncomfortable about stolen ideas. I would feel much more uncomfortable at the 2nd wedding knowing the person had been lying to the other couple as some petty point. A lot of lying involved.

No Pants

April O Neill wrote: »

Then nowt stopping you from requesting that for your own grave. I wouldn't see a problem and it would be inexpensive to replace, I'd imagine, when it gets a bit weather-worn.

I'd rather be set on fire and twanged into a tree.

Borrowing from Eddie Izzard a wee bit there.

hoodwinked

Ray Palmer wrote: »

It doesn't even sound particularly believable that people would feel uncomfortable about stolen ideas. I would feel much more uncomfortable at the 2nd wedding knowing the person had been lying to the other couple as some petty point. A lot of lying involved.

we weren't lying to the couple, we were simply discussing ideas for ours we never followed up on

trust me if you knew the specifics you'd understand why we did it,

and people were uncomfortable, they saw what she did, they commented on what she did, and nobody at that stage was comfortable anyways after the stunts she pulled in the run up to.

sugar_fiend

Ray Palmer wrote: »

We have all seen the over the top limos for debs, communions etc... They are normally expensive tacky things. It even extends later on for funerals and even grave stones. Now when my relatives die there is normally a notice saying not to send flower but instead give to a charity. At other funerals it looks like people are trying to show off by buying massive amounts of flowers.

Now each to their own but I just wonder do people who do these things have any idea that it appears tacky to others?

It could be snobbery on my behalf I have to admit. I remember seeing a wealthy woman from Massachusetts talking about the Kennedy's. She pointed out that they all turned up to a wedding wearing over the top outfits and showy jewellery which showed they had not class.

Hate to think I am similar but I find it a culturally different thing when I am at such over the top events. I was at one funeral where the flowers were way over the top which is fine but then a while later an "event" was held to help the family with funeral costs. So they couldn't even afford the funeral that they spent so much on. It doesn't seem very dignified to me.

are you referring to the fact that " Jordan " is viewed as the epitome of sophistication and class by traveller women ?

Ray Palmer

sugar_fiend wrote: »

are you referring to the fact that " Jordan " is viewed as the epitome of sophistication and class by traveller women ?

Nothing to do with travellers in any way. I don't think travellers are the only ones who think Jordan is "class". To some people she is an aspirational goal but I would consider her to be just the same as many "working class" people just with money.

bnt

Giving money at a wedding instead of presents is quite normal in other countries. I went to a work colleague's wedding in Portugal, almost 10 years ago now; after a bit of Internet research, I took along a envelope stuffed with €50 notes from myself and everyone else in the office. After dinner at the (lavish) reception, the bride and groom walked around and took up a collection. :cool:

CatLou

bnt wrote: »

Giving money at a wedding instead of presents is quite normal in other countries. I went to a work colleague's wedding in Portugal, almost 10 years ago now; after a bit of Internet research, I took along a envelope stuffed with €50 notes from myself and everyone else in the office. After dinner at the (lavish) reception, the bride and groom walked around and took up a collection. :cool:

Yup, offering money is standard, but no one will *ask* you for it. At least no one in is right mind