Single Parent Dating ?

greengirl31

Hi All….

Just looking on some opinions on this …. I’m a single parent to a 5 yr old daughter. I’m in my mid 30s, decent looking, have lots of (attached) friends, have a good job, my own house and am financially independent. I have used dating sites in the past but have had limited success. My profile is light hearted and while I’m not looking to run up the isle with someone, I’m not looking for a one night stand either … I suppose just someone to go out and have a bit of a laugh with. If it leads somewhere fine, if not that’s fine too.

I suppose my question is – Are people put off by dating a single parent ?? What’s other single parents experience of the dating scene ?? And for potential ‘suitors’, would you put off if your date is a single parent ?? I’m ready to jump into the dating pool again so I’m just looking for different perspectives.

Thanks

A

lmos

Hi there, I too am a single parent to two children and have been dating since separating from my husband. I live in a remote part of the country, and have one wknd free in every month, so its tricky! I like you have alot going for me. I havent found it a major issue. I have realised though that they are people out there who do not want a single parent and thats something I have to accept. There are also alot of people who are genuinely looking for love and a special someone, and who realise this can come in all forms ...basically through internet dating Ive had positive experiences, against the odds, I have to say. Its alot to do with you own attitude. So, be open about your situation, enjoy and best of luck!

tallaghtmick

Would you prefer to date a parent or non parent?

Merkin

I think it is an issue for a lot of people unfortunately. It's no reflection on you or your little girl but it does seem to put a lot of people off. I have two friends who are no longer with their partners, both of whom are beautiful girls with gorgeous children but they both are single and have had a tough time meeting someone who is ready to take on a ready-made single family. You know there is a dating thread on Boards? Just email one of the Mods and they will give you access. It might be a good idea to post there and see if there is a site from people's experiences that seems to be more receptive. Would you also date a single father? If so, maybe you may have more success by stipulating that on your profile? Hope it works out for you.

greengirl31

Thanks for the replies ….

I’m open to dating a single father – I think relationships break up for lots of reasons so I’ve no issue with that.

I’ve been up front about being a parent on sites I’ve been on in that I’ve ticked the do you have children box but I don’t mention it in my profile because I’m more than just a mum. One guy almost fell off his chair when I told him that I had a child – goes to show how much attention he paid when reading the profile. And I can also understand it from the other point of view - I don’t think anybody wants to get embroiled in a domestic situation and issues over kids, especially if they’re not yours. But that’s not an issue for me. Maybe I’ll update my profile and see how it goes.

ash23

Long and the short of it is that some people would be put off by a person having a child and some won't. It will limit who you can date but not to the point of impossible.

I've been a single parent since I was 20 and I've had 2 long term relationships and a few short term relationships. I've always been very upfront about having a child. It's not for everyone and that's fair enough.

Don't let it get to you. Dating as a single parent is harder because of finances and time and limited options but it's still very possible to meet someone. I know a number of other single parents who have all met new partners and had more children and gotten married etc. It's far from impossible.

I would update your profile to mention the kids. If you just tick the box, people won't know if you've one child or ten, they won't know if they are babies or teens. Make your profile all about you but part of you is being a parent. My profile just has one line which is "single mum to one pre-teen". That's all that needs to be said for the initial part anyway.

seachto7

Wouldn't worry about it. The likelihood is that people in their 30s (and 20s) are likely to have kids.

cupcake83

I live in the states and here not many people are as biased from what I see and experience. From talking to European friends and reading boards etc. they seem to make a bigger deal of it. Here many people have kids young , I did ! Many men and women equally already have kids in their early to mid 20s to 30s! Of course there are many Americans who also won't date people with kids I am sure but , they don't seem to be as openly dead set against it. I have seen around my boards and friends many people refer to children as baggage and in my opinion that's offensive. If you genuinely don't want to date someone with kids, great and that's fine! However, many of us don't feel our children are baggage and most of us don't expect them to foot the bill or be a replacement parent like they lead themselves to believe. I think it's kind of sad that someone would miss out on an opportunity to find a great partner because they have a child or children but hey it's their loss. I respect their choice but that doesn't mean I think some of their opinions on it are reasonable. I can bet that you will find someone great who wil happily accept you and you child with open arms one day. Good luck to you OP.

2011

greengirl31 wrote: »

I suppose my question is – Are people put off by dating a single parent ??

Some people are put off, yes.
However I actually wanted to date a single parent, because I am one (father). Luckily I found one

The fact that my girlfriend has an 8 year old means that she understands what it means to be a parent, the responsibility and restrictions that this puts on my life (not that I would have it any other way).

What’s other single parents experience of the dating scene ??

Get out there, it is pretty good.

And for potential ‘suitors’, would you put off if your date is a single parent ??

See above

I’m ready to jump into the dating pool again so I’m just looking for different perspectives.

Go for it and good luck!

Rosy Posy

I have lots of friends who are single parents and a lot of them have met people through their children- we had two blended families from my son's class!

The only thing that I would caution you would be to wait until your reasonably serious about someone before making them a part of your daughter's life. I know of a few situations where the child(ren) have become close to the new partner and felt rejection if it didn't work out.

I think you're so right to focus on your attributes as a person rather than as a mother. And as for 'baggage', if you've managed to get to our age without acquiring 'baggage' of some sort that's almost more of a red flag than having none!

fungun

I am a father, wouldnt put me off. However thats cos i understand the parents role. You see the odd thread on here by people giving out about single parents and it just comes from ignorance of how a parents role is total, and that you cant prioritise something else above it.
If I was to think back to before I had kids it might have put me off a bit - I mean if i liked someone it wouldnt have stopped me, but if it was a coin toss for who to date Id have chosen someone without kids just so I didnt have that 'hassle factor' or the risk of cancellation etc.

Looking back thats a bit shallow and Ive grown up since, so in that sense it could be a good filter!

Yellow121

I think some guys will be put off by you having a daughter. That's just simple fact but don't be put off by these. I'm sure your child is a nice kid and obviously someone that gets on with her is vital.
You sound like a great catch but that could mean that guys assume you're married when they see you out and about, especially if your daughters with you.
I don't know much about online dating sites but I think you would get less replies because of being a single mother but that means it will get rid of those who wouldn't suit anyway and only attract those that would.
Keep going and good luck.

m'lady

Have u thought of going to a site that is geared towards single parents?

I've been a single parent in the past and never had a negative reaction to the fact that I had a child- either from guys that had kids, or didn't have kids.. And trust me I'm not a 6ft model type!

clairefontaine

cupcake83 wrote: »

I live in the states and here not many people are as biased from what I see and experience. From talking to European friends and reading boards etc. they seem to make a bigger deal of it. Here many people have kids young , I did ! Many men and women equally already have kids in their early to mid 20s to 30s! Of course there are many Americans who also won't date people with kids I am sure but , they don't seem to be as openly dead set against it. I have seen around my boards and friends many people refer to children as baggage and in my opinion that's offensive. If you genuinely don't want to date someone with kids, great and that's fine! However, many of us don't feel our children are baggage and most of us don't expect them to foot the bill or be a replacement parent like they lead themselves to believe. I think it's kind of sad that someone would miss out on an opportunity to find a great partner because they have a child or children but hey it's their loss. I respect their choice but that doesn't mean I think some of their opinions on it are reasonable. I can bet that you will find someone great who wil happily accept you and you child with open arms one day. Good luck to you OP.

I also live in the states and I agree with this. I think it's because many Americans by now have had their own step siblings ans step parents etc and they are a few generations ahead in terms of how common this is. In fact the local Catholic Church even has getaway weekends for single Parents to bring their kids on so they can mingle and get to kow each other, for friendships or maybe more.

Yes I can respect smeones choice not to date a single parent but sometimes I read disparaging language on boards as if that's necessariy to justify your choice not to, but they can be appear o be very derogatory. If this is the culture or even a streak in the culture I could understand how you would be scared to put yourself out there. You family are not baggage, they are part of who you are and they are partly what you brin to the table. Some might be scared because they see more responsblity up the road, but so what? There are plenty who won't and will appreciate all that comes with you. Not baggage, but treasure.

greengirl31

Thank you all for the replies … All very encouraging :-)

I’ve been having a little think about it since and as has been pointed out, if men are put off by the fact that I have a child well they’re not right for me anyway. I do appreciate that getting involved in another person’s life is a big deal and I believe it’s even bigger when that person is a child and that’s not for everyone – Fair enough.

I suppose it’s just time to get out there and see what happens – Nothing ventured nothing gained !!!!

So now for the dating sites … Anyone any recommendations ???