Grlfriend assaulted

Sirsok · 05-08-2013 8:13pm #1

Last night I received a phone call off a friend of my girlfriend saying she has been assaulted. She was put in a taxi up to my house, and it was only when she got out of the taxi that I realise the extent of it. Her forehead and lip was swollen and neck was all marked. I asked her who did it and was told a male grabbed her by the throat and punched her in the face while his girlfriend headbutted her. This stems from a friend of my girlfriend gettin into an altercation with these folks over a year ago. Witnesses have reiterated to me it was completely unprovoked. My head is now fried, she is apprehensive about court and wont tell me what she wants to do, and while I will love and support her with whatever she decides I can't let this slide. As a man my instinct states an unmerciful hiding is in order( I am not the violent type but am well able to handle myself) but that would mess up any possible court ruling. He was also sent to hospital that night by some bystanders who witness this. What is the best sort of retaliation or action to take. People like this can't get away with treating others like this... Any help would be appreciated.

Typer Monkey · 05-08-2013 8:29pm

The only logical step here is for your girlfriend to go to the gardai and make a complaint of assault. She needs to do this soon as there may be CCTV evidence which isn't stored for long. If there were witnesses then she should also give the investigating gaurd their details.

Find out what the local station is for the location of the assault and go there to report it

Sirsok · 05-08-2013 8:31pm

Typer Monkey wrote: »

The only logical step here is for your girlfriend to go to the gardai and make a complaint of assault. She needs to do this soon as there may be CCTV evidence which isn't stored for long. If there were witnesses then she should also give the investigating gaurd their details.

Find out what the local station is for the location of the assault and go there to report it

Thank you for the reply, we have reported this to the guards who stated that she needs to bring this to court and go doctors. She is apprehensive about this as she really is a sweet and innocent girl who doesn't want trouble.

2012paddy2012 · 05-08-2013 8:41pm

Sirsok wrote: »

Thank you for the reply, we have reported this to the guards who stated that she needs to bring this to court and go doctors. She is apprehensive about this as she really is a sweet and innocent girl who doesn't want trouble.

Unfortunately the law is an ass. Your GF apprehension is understandable ... A lot of murder/ hits .. Go unsolved as the witnesses are afraid / intimadated.
She either makes a complaint and the case may go to court if sufficient evidence is available. Remember you were not there you are only getting one side of the story.
No complaint end of story from police point of view.

Civil action is possible ... Again very expensive .. Costs if you lose. ... Chances of success limited.

Advise: forget about it. Change where you socialise. Coinselling if necessary .. Get on with life .... It's a long road he will get his commupance eventually

Sirsok · 05-08-2013 8:53pm

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Unfortunately the law is an ass. Your GF apprehension is understandable ... A lot of murder/ hits .. Go unsolved as the witnesses are afraid / intimadated.
She either makes a complaint and the case may go to court if sufficient evidence is available. Remember you were not there you are only getting one side of the story.
No complaint end of story from police point of view.

Civil action is possible ... Again very expensive .. Costs if you lose. ... Chances of success limited.

Advise: forget about it. Change where you socialise. Coinselling if necessary .. Get on with life .... It's a long road he will get his commupance eventually

While your advice is highly logical, it is hard to forget about when she at times starts breaking down infront of me. I know this guy and wouldn of expecting out of him. But if he does this to one women what would stop him from doing it again unless appropriate action is taken against him. As I alluded to before he was attacked by bystanders after and was carried into an ambulance and hospital for doing what he did to a female.

2012paddy2012 · 05-08-2013 9:00pm

Sirsok wrote: »

While your advice is highly logical, it is hard to forget about when she at times starts breaking down infront of me. I know this guy and wouldn of expecting out of him. But if he does this to one women what would stop him from doing it again unless appropriate action is taken against him. As I alluded to before he was attacked by bystanders after and was carried into an ambulance and hospital for doing what he did to a female.

Well I agree but if you think that having her waiting 6 or 9 months for a court case ... With all the worry that goes with it ... And aggressive cross examination that females in particular get from clowns in wigs in the court .... Who will drag up from previous incidents to what type of clothing she was wearing ... And what she drank .. Bla bla bla ... Is a better solution ... Well so be it .. I agree completely what you say re aggressor ...
Think long term ... If you feel she is able for all the grief a court case will require ... Go for it ... If she is unhappy with that route ... Get get whatever help you can ... Get on with it... Only pointing out some things you might not have thought of that's all. Hope she gets well soon

freshpopcorn · 05-08-2013 9:02pm

She'll have to go the Gardai and make a statement.
She can ask to speak to a male or female guard. She'd have to go to the Doctor to get a report done about her injuries. Then if the gardai felt if there was enough evidence they would bring charges against the people involved.

I would advise you not to approach the people involved there is no point of you getting a criminal record over it. All you can do is encourage her is to go the gardai and give a statement and see where it goes from there. If at the end of the day she doesn't want to do this you can't really make her. A close friend of mine got mugged and assaulted on a college night out and the guards caught him on the night she was mad to get him sent to jail etc. The guards were lovely and helpful with the incident but when she went to give her statement the next day they did support her but she found it hard to do and her and her family felt it would be easier for her to talk to somebody about it and let it go because she would have found the court case very hard. The guy did apologise tough and returned the phone/bag. If the guy did get convicted he wouldn't have got that long in jail anyway.

All I can say to you really is be there and support her with what ever she decides to do.

dellas1979 · 05-08-2013 9:12pm

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Well I agree but if you think that having her waiting 6 or 9 months for a court case ... With all the worry that goes with it ... And aggressive cross examination that females in particular get from clowns in wigs in the court .... Who will drag up from previous incidents to what type of clothing she was wearing ... And what she drank .. Bla bla bla ... Is a better solution ... Well so be it .. I agree completely what you say re aggressor ...
Think long term ... If you feel she is able for all the grief a court case will require ... Go for it ... If she is unhappy with that route ... Get get whatever help you can ... Get on with it... Only pointing out some things you might not have thought of that's all. Hope she gets well soon

Sorry paddy, I think that the worst piece of advice and consolation Ive heard in a long time, to a man whose partner has just been through an ordeal and who is beyond frightened.

A woman has just been beaten. A crime.

OP-she is vulnerable at the moment...this will frighten her for a long time, regardless if she does/doesnt make a complaint.

In the long run, if she doesnt stand up/face up to what happened, she will loose a lot more confidence in herself. For this reason alone, to stand up for herself, and other women out there, to this animal, she should most definitely make a complaint and pursue it.

She will remember this the rest of her life, and she will look back on how she handled it. Quiet or not, she needs to realise that she is not the one at fault and the law is on her side.

Sirsok · 05-08-2013 9:27pm

Thanks for all the kind words folks will wait to see what she wants to do...,hopefully she will not let this slide, she has never been in a situation like this before.... I sincerely appreciate all the advice folks thanks

2012paddy2012 · 05-08-2013 9:44pm

dellas1979 wrote: »

Sorry paddy, I think that the worst piece of advice and consolation Ive heard in a long time, to a man whose partner has just been through an ordeal and who is beyond frightened.

A woman has just been beaten. A crime.

OP-she is vulnerable at the moment...this will frighten her for a long time, regardless if she does/doesnt make a complaint.

In the long run, if she doesnt stand up/face up to what happened, she will loose a lot more confidence in herself. For this reason alone, to stand up for herself, and other women out there, to this animal, she should most definitely make a complaint and pursue it.

She will remember this the rest of her life, and she will look back on how she handled it. Quiet or not, she needs to realise that she is not the one at fault and the law is on her side.

Your entitled to your view as am I .
I consoled and wished the girl well.

I am aware of a similar type incident where the girl in question had a breakdown caused directly by nearly a year of adjournments worry hassle over a court case that she eventually was advised by her GP to drop such was the state she ended up in. I am simply pointed out a view that op may not be aware of. I agree this thug should be brought to account of course. Take a long view and weigh things up is all I say. Hopefully if she is strong enough she will peruse it , if not , well perhaps that it is the correct decision in her own long term interest .

blatantrereg · 06-08-2013 1:36am

Go to the guards. Forget the unmerciful hiding thing. Take a civil case after the criminal case has completed. This will all be a long-winded process, but the guy and his gf will be enjoying it significantly less than you. Much better punishment than just beating him up, and it also means the girl will be punished as well. Also you risk being on the receiving end of all that if you attack someone, regardless of the reason.

freshpopcorn · 06-08-2013 1:47am

blatantrereg wrote: »

Go to the guards. Forget the unmerciful hiding thing. Take a civil case after the criminal case has completed. This will all be a long-winded process, but the guy and his gf will be enjoying it significantly less than you. Much better punishment than just beating him up, and it also means the girl will be punished as well. Also you risk being on the receiving end of all that if you attack someone, regardless of the reason.

Listen to your other half feelings OP. I would strongly recommend this don't force her to take cases against people, etc if she doesn't want to. She could resent you for it. Only do it if she is willing encourage her by all means to report it to the Gardai but don't force her to do it.

P. Breathnach · 06-08-2013 9:05am

Focus first on her needs. She has been physically injured, and is probably psychologically in turmoil. Set aside thoughts of retribution and legal processes for the moment and concentrate on her recovery. Do not try to direct her actions. Listen to what she wants and try to meet her needs. I want to emphasise that it is more useful to her if you listen to what she has to say than if you go on about how you feel. Yes, it's okay to tell her that you are upset and angry, but try to avoid going on a rant. She is the real victim; you can also see yourself as a victim because this event has impacted on you - but you are a secondary victim.

When it comes to the law dealing with it, the event is on record, and complaints can be followed up later if that is what she wants.

The most useful thing you can do is look after her.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 06-08-2013 9:10am

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Advise: forget about it. Change where you socialise. Coinselling if necessary .. Get on with life .... It's a long road he will get his commupance eventually

This is VERY poor advice. If you "forget" about it, it's going to happen again, and again and again. May not be your girlfriend that is assaulted.

We should not be subject to these bullies. Stand up to them and go to the Gardai about it.

You are only going to condition them into thinking that it's ok to beat the crap out of people as they will get away with it.

Merkin · 06-08-2013 9:14am

The poor girl, what a terrible thing to happen. I am sure she is deeply traumatized and from your own perspective the most important thing is to give her all the love and support that she needs right now. Going on a one-man crusade to vent your retribution and anger is ill-advised so don't do that, it will make things worse.

She may not be in a position psychologically to report this now but from your perspective there are a couple of things that you can do:

1. Take photos of her injuries
2. Do please bring her to a GP. Aside from a medical report being used later in Court, she has obviously been injured and if she did sustain any kind of head injury it is important that she is given the once over as soon as possible
3. Contact any businesses in the area and ask for CCTV footage of the event. Or if it happened in a pub or club contact management asap.

This is a very traumatic event for your girlfriend and while she may not be in a position to pursue it further now, it is important that you have as much evidence as possible post-event so that she will have the option later on.

Sirsok · 06-08-2013 5:47pm

Thanks again folks, more things have come to light in the past day, the couple who did this also attacked another girl that night. I just cant believe some people in this country, attacking two innocent females. My girlfriend is recovering still very shook up and I am tending to her, once agains thanks for the advice

blatantrereg · 06-08-2013 6:10pm

Sirsok wrote: »

Thanks again folks, more things have come to light in the past day, the couple who did this also attacked another girl that night. I just cant believe some people in this country, attacking two innocent females. My girlfriend is recovering still very shook up and I am tending to her, once agains thanks for the advice

By not reporting them you facilitate such behaviour.

Take your gf to the garda station and explain what happened. Then follow through with it. Take the lead and be gentle about it but resolute.

If you just let things go because she's shaken up and it's hassle you propagate the notion that people can do things like this without risking long-term consequences.

Honestly it doesn't sound like she suffered serious physical injury. The psychological impact of a random beating will be much more significant. That can be addressed by pursuing justice against the perpetrators, and followed by pursuing reparations from them. That is the right thing to do.

claypigeon777 · 06-08-2013 6:16pm

Scum like this know that many people are afraid to make a complaint and testify against them in court.
Anyone who is prepared to violently attack someone in the way you have described has no fear of the consequences, has no conscience, enjoys hurting other people and is a danger to society.
If they are not stopped they will do this again and again and again.
The law is on your side and you both should dig deep and you will get justice and your piece of mind back.
You have a duty to do the right thing not just for yourself but for others could be attacked in future.
Have courage and just do it.

hardCopy · 06-08-2013 6:24pm

Don't put any responsibility on yourself to stop him doing this again.

He's already had a hiding, you giving him another won't change his violent disposition.

Your girlfriend is already under a lot of stress, think how she'll feel if you end up in custody for retaliating.

I completely understand what you must want to do to him and revenge will probably make you feel better but will it really help your girlfriend?

freshpopcorn · 06-08-2013 6:29pm

blatantrereg wrote: »

By not reporting them you facilitate such behaviour.

Take your gf to the garda station and explain what happened. Then follow through with it. Take the lead and be gentle about it but resolute.

If you just let things go because she's shaken up and it's hassle you propagate the notion that people can do things like this without risking long-term consequences.
Honestly it doesn't sound like she suffered serious physical injury. The psychological impact of a random beating will be much more significant. That can be addressed by pursuing justice against the perpetrators, and followed by pursuing reparations from them. That is the right thing to do.

I would really recommend you don't take your girlfriend to the garda station. Advice her to go and the benefits of reporting it to the Gardai but if she doesn't want to do it then don't hassle her into doing it tell her you'll support her in what every she decides.
Talking about these things help for a lot of people a lot of the time. Having to sit through a court case can be very hard for some people won't help them. Tell her your always their for her and if she wants to talk to somebody professionally that isn't a bother.

aaakev · 06-08-2013 10:28pm

Op i admire your restraint, thats all ill say on the matter...

Hope your girlf is ok

kirving · 06-08-2013 10:44pm

OP, you've got to go to the Gards about this and make a criminal, and then civil complaint. (To be honest I'm not sure how the civil part works.)

From personal experience, I know that it will piss you off every time you see him or think of the incident that the guy wasn't held accountable, even if there are no other lasting effects.

It's important that he doesn't get away with this as it sets a precedent for this to happen again, to your gf, or someone else.

Sirsok · 07-08-2013 7:35am

She has reported the situation to the Garda and we will have to wait and she. He is still in hospital, but has been reported to the Garda before for ,this was the term used by some 'dancing on a womens head' while his girlfriend held her down. However the charges was dropped. Hopefully this can provide some form of character evidence, as the girl who dropped the original charges will be helpin my gf.

I could sleep or concentrate in work worrying about her, still is very shook and fragile.

Koptain Liverpool · 07-08-2013 11:38am

2012paddy2012 wrote: »

Advise: forget about it. Change where you socialise. Coinselling if necessary .. Get on with life .... It's a long road he will get his commupance eventually

This is stupid advice - as is that given by other responses telling the OP that involving the guards would be such hassle etc.
Why should the OP and his girlfriend change where they socialize??
And people don't just get their commupance as you put it - you need to stand up to them one way or another not just bury your head in the sane as you suggest.

This was a public assault with witnesses so different than a case where its someones word against another.
And you say they assaulted someone else OP - well surely there will be a strong case against them so??

Fair play on your restraint OP. I'm sure you feel like talking a crowbar to his head and it wouldn't be undeserved!

Grlfriend assaulted

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