Do you think that male sexual abuse/assault happens a lot?

freshpopcorn

I think it does both in childhood and adulthood. I say it happens more in childhood/teenage years than adult hood and I think there is more of a stigma for men to speak up about these issues and it most be very hard for them to speak about this. I don't think it is discussed in this country as well as other countries because nobody has never really spoken out about it. Simply because men feel there is a big stigma attached to it and people will see them as less of a man because of it. In generally most people would try and help the guy there would always be some person who would say 'that doesn't happen to men' or if it was a woman that did it 'You must have enjoyed it/wanted it' . You'd also get the person who would make the wise remark to a guy 'Did it make you gay?'
What are ye're views on this?

iptba

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I think it does both in childhood and adulthood. I say it happens more in childhood/teenage years than adult hood and I think there is more of a stigma for men to speak up about these issues and it most be very hard for them to speak about this. What are ye're views on this?

I don't know if how often it occurs. But the other issues you appear to bring up (which don't stand out in the title), are interesting i.e.

(i) is it under-reported?

(ii) is not discussed sufficiently?

(iii) is it not seen as making up as big a percentage of sex abuse cases as is the reality?

(iv) different age groups affected

Best of luck with the thread.

jellyboy

Hi op

first off great thread

The whole area of sexual abuse is full of stigma and malignant shame
both for male and female

Society in ireland tend to speak about it with words like 'victims' and "rape"
The use of these words amongst others ,tend to label people certain ways and keep them down ..

Men are a subsection of "victims" whose voice aren't heard for the past 30/40/50 years

there are many many reasons for this..

i remember the door being closed in rape crisis centers to men until the early 2000s

even today theres a certain clique who will look down at men reporting abuse as weak or deserved it

Sexual abuse happens in prisons, the gay community, straight on straight and women on men

but its seriously under reported and not taking seriously by authorities
There are a few gardai who buck the trend

We also have the effects of abuse on male and female ,we still havent matured enough to talk about them ,society can only point fingers and blame others for the abuse

Abuse towards men is an epidemic coming towards society

Apart from the whole shame aspect, what men and women are told constitutes assault and what they should and shouldn't expect or put up with are totally different. What a woman will call being assaulted will often barely register when it happens to a guy.

clairefontaine

iptba wrote: »

I don't know if how often it occurs. But the other issues you appear to bring up (which don't stand out in the title), are interesting i.e.

(i) is it under-reported?

(ii) is not discussed sufficiently?

(iii) is it not seen as making up as big a percentage of sex abuse cases as is the reality?

(iv) different age groups affected

Best of luck with the thread.

I've read an official statistic that its about one in six boys (boys meaning up to age 18) and that a sex offender will on average sexually assault 150 boys before being caught, or 60 girls before being caught.

My suspicion is that the numbers are underestimated because boys don't talk as much as girls do, and are reared to have their negative feelings ignored, so they keep it in.

Also, one could argue, that sports culture can assist in masking it and more peer pressure to be loyal and pack mentality encouraged there, may also inhibit boys from talking or complaining.

As for adults, I have no idea.

Wibbs

I'd certainly believe men are far less likely to report or talk about it. Looking at another area of abuse, domestc(where reporting is a little more likely) this seems to be the case anyway. Contrary to popular belief the official stats break down on a near 50/50 gender split for victims, but in my own experience women I've known at the receiving end of such abuse are much more likely to discuss it and seek help. Plus of those I've known suffering it silently, there were far more men than women and the men were less likely to see/admit to it as abuse in the first place. Back to the men must be strong stuff getting in the way.

I've noted women get far more support from other women(and men) in this area too. I know of two men who are currently suffering domestic abuse and the wider circle of guys who can see this as plain as day stay silent on the matter, whereas if one of their women friends was the victim would be very quick to speak up. I'd add that their women friends who also see this, while more likely to give support, it's not by much. The men are strong meme doesn't have much of a gender bias.

With something as intimate as sexual abuse I'd imagine these trends are even stronger. Growing up I only ever knew one guy who spoke out about his experiences and while you can't measure an unknown, I'd be gobsmacked if many more didn't have similar experiences.

Fukuyama

I think we need to define what is abuse and I think it's different for both men and women, and for different age brackets. That might be sexist but I stand by it.

For example, everyone will agree that touching a child's bum (male or female) is wrong and definitely a form of abuse.

But the lines get blurred when it's an adult. The lines further blur when we look at the scenario, genders and clothes (hear me out on that one).

An ass grab in a nightclub is common as hell. As a man I've had my ass/crotch grabbed countless times by randomers passing by in the crowd as a 'joke'. Just shrug it off. I wouldn't even mention it when I got back to my group of friends. I don't see this as an assault but I think that's because as a man I never felt in a position where I could be further assaulted. Physically I'd be bigger than 99% of women so there is no real threat here. (I'd never hit a woman or anything. But I could always walk away or remove myself easily).

For a woman though it must be scary having a 6 foot 2 bloke whose three times your weight touching you without asking/clear invitation. So I'd see such a scenario as inappropriate. Anything after the initial 'touch' after the woman said it was unwanted then I'd see it as an assault.

Now my viewpoint here is sexist but that's because physical size comes into the question.

Without being funny, if a small man (5 foot) were to touch a tall athletic woman (6 foot) I'm sure she wouldn't feel threatened and would simply walk away and brush it off. (I'm guessing here. Could be wrong).

The scenario is also a factor. Some people (of both sexes) view it as okay in a nightclub. Others don't. Almost all will view any contact in a workplace or basically any other environment as wrong.

Clothes too come into question. And not in the 'she/he was wearing it. She deserved it. That's scummy.

What I'm saying is that a girl in a skirt who has her ass grabbed is going to feel way more vulnerable than a guy wearing jeans. Most girls will wear skirts/dresses or whatever particularly in summer so there's an element of 'more' contact there.

In light of all this there is a definite sexism toward men in terms of abuse/assault.

A friend of mine had a girl (who he'd only met an hour or two before hand at a house party) shove her hand down the front of his jeans and grab his junk. She walked up to him in the nightclub later in the night and just did it. They weren't even talking. Just walked up. From the laughing I think she did it 'For a laugh'. He wouldn't be the most confident of blokes and wasn't out on the pull. He just left a while after it but was obviously thrown by it.

Yet if a man had walked up to her and done the same he'd of been decked by anyone in the vicinity and likely thrown out by bouncers at a minimum, excluded from his group of friends or even been arrested (and rightfully so).

I really don't know if I'd report a rape against myself. It'd likely only happen if I got sent to prison anyway which I don't see happening. I'm not gay so there's not much chance of a partner raping me unless I'm drugged or something. I think if I was raped by a man I'd prefer to seek revenge in the form of beating him within an inch of his life.

If I was raped by a woman I'd probably feel better about reporting it as I think there's probably less of a stigma there. There's still a stigma but as I'd likely have been unconscious I'd feel more 'assaulted' than victimized.

Man it's too early to be analysing my brain like this! :P

jellyboy

Abuse is abuse is abuse

Wether its male or female who are the people who carry the shame and effects of abuse ..

trying to define abuse is like asking 'how long is a piece of string"
We will never get to the end of abuse until we start talking about the effects of abuse ..

There are people whose lives have been changed for ever and have ended up in mental institutions trying to understand why they hate there bodies and posion it by drink ,drugs,and negative behavior

why they have no worth in their bodies and throw it at the nearest person to show them a hint of affection
even if its negative

Boundaries are broken in the abuse,and require deep work to rebuild

and then theres the families who are floundered in their attempts to understand the "effects of abuse " because as a society we don't talk about it

Sexual abuse and abuse is one of the root causes of mental health issues in Ireland

just found this link
http://www.rcni.ie/male-survivors.aspx




in answer to your changed question op
Some People who have being abused in childhood have deep rooted issues with their sexuailty and bodys

its such a loaded question that there is no clear answer i can give ..

Sir Humphrey Appleby

One the point of sexual abuse of males I believe when people think of male victims of sexual abuse they relate it to clerical/institutional abuse as oppossed to either boys being sexually abused at home or elsewhere, or indeed men being abused by either women or other men.

There is no doubt about it that it is prevalent, I am aware of one teen (16) who was sexually abused last year by a group of men in thier 20's, he refused point blank to make a statement to the guards or go to counselling. His reasons for this were based in a sense of both embarrassment and shame, as though somehow it would be understandable if it happened to girl his age but it shouldn't have happened to him and he should (because of his gender) been able to stop it.

I definitley think that it is an issue that should be discussed and should be the subject of a public information campaign.

Tramps Like Us

Yes I think it does.

When I was 19 after coming out of a shower in the gym after a swim this middle aged guy who'd I'd never spoken to or seen before grabbed my privates and made a lecherous comment (I didn't have a towel around my waist, I was just carrying one). I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault? I would have gone to someone to complain but after a split second of horror and shock at what he was doing I reacted and beat the crap out of him. Then I just went and got dressed without drying myself and went home. I never heard anything about it

I don't like gyms or changing rooms now. I tell myself that it shouldnt be a big deal, but it was for me, the entire thing just made me feel horrible. I told one of my friends about it a while later (a girl) and she gave out to me for being a latent homophobe!

claypigeon777

How common is female sexual abuse of boys?

There are lots of high profile cases of young female teachers abusing boys in the U.S.

In Ireland are many women getting away with child sexual abuse because the stereotype is that only men abuse?

miamee

Tramps Like Us wrote: »

Yes I think it does.

When I was 19 after coming out of a shower in the gym after a swim this middle aged guy who'd I'd never spoken to or seen before grabbed my privates and made a lecherous comment (I didn't have a towel around my waist, I was just carrying one). I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault? I would have gone to someone to complain but after a split second of horror and shock at what he was doing I reacted and beat the crap out of him. Then I just went and got dressed without drying myself and went home. I never heard anything about it

I don't like gyms or changing rooms now. I tell myself that it shouldnt be a big deal, but it was for me, the entire thing just made me feel horrible. I told one of my friends about it a while later (a girl) and she gave out to me for being a latent homophobe!

I'm sorry but your friend was an idiot. You have every right to feel the way you do about it, he sexually assaulted you by touching you without your invitation or consent.

Tramps Like Us

miamee wrote: »

I'm sorry but your friend was an idiot. You have every right to feel the way you do about it, he sexually assaulted you by touching you without your invitation or consent.

She was for sure, but most people are at 17/18.

claypigeon777

claypigeon777 wrote: »

How common is female sexual abuse of boys?

There are lots of high profile cases of young female teachers abusing boys in the U.S.

In Ireland are many women getting away with child sexual abuse because the stereotype is that only men abuse?

Impossible to say because it's not seen as abuse by so many people.

jellyboy

Hi All

I found this link on boards
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biLsTmmmZYs

i dont really go into the whole man vs woman debate
But this blew me away

The whole issue of 'what is Abuse" is linked to "what is a man" in male cases