Brainwashing children

photofinish

How common is it for one or the other parent to brainwash the children to hate the ex and all their family?

And in the long term how to these situations turn out for all involved?

desbrook

photofinish wrote: »

How common is it for one or the other parent to brainwash the children to hate the ex and all their family?

And in the long term how to these situations turn out for all involved?

I take it this is a situation of yours or someone close to you. The first thing you need to do is take this thread from after hours to maybe sep/divorce?

photofinish

desbrook wrote: »

I take it this is a situation of yours or someone close to you. The first thing you need to do is take this thread from after hours to maybe sep/divorce?

Thanks did not realise there was such a board.

King George VI

photofinish wrote: »

How common is it for one or the other parent to brainwash the children to hate the ex and all their family?

And in the long term how to these situations turn out for all involved?

I'd imagine not incredibly common, unless it was a bitter break up.

"Daddy can I stay at Mammy's house his weekend?"

"YOUR MOTHER IS A SPREAD LEGGED WHORE!!!"

"Ok "

hatrickpatrick

Brainwashing kids in this manner should be considered a criminal offence of child abuse. Absolutely breaks my heart to hear stories like this - have all the bullsh!t you want between yourselves but leave your kids out of it or you're an absolutely vile human being.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

A lot, I'd say, but it tends to be subtle.

calanus

Why is he speaking in slow motion?

padd b1975

Ask Halle Berry.

RachaelVO

It does happen, and yes parents do use their kids as a stick to hit the other with, it's terrible to watch, and I've see friends do it, it sickened me to the core I have to admit.

I read a while ago (I'll try and find the link) that there is an issue called something akin to abandonment syndrome (not remotely right but I can't remember what it's called.) It causes rifts in a childs development with adults, but mostly both parents, and they are working on research to see how this works with addiction in later life.

If I find the link I'll post it

monkeysnapper

My parents split up when I was 5 and my mum would put my dad down frequently . Call him all the names under the sun. And once even made me climb into his bathroom window to break into his house to steal back the record player. Terrible behaviour.

Only when I got we'll into my 20s did I realise that I didn't have a real relationship with my dad and most of that was due to me.

Luckily I do now and he has been great visiting us and our kids and Skype calling. While I love my mother I can now understand she has issues and a problem with alcohol .

Morag

Parental alienation syndrome, yes it's real,

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children

Parental alienation involves the “programming” of a child by one parent to denigrate the other “targeted” parent, in an effort to undermine and interfere with the child's relationship with that parent, and is often a sign of a parent’s inability to separate from the couple conflict and focus on the needs of the child. Such denigration results in the child’s emotional rejection of the targeted parent, and the loss of a capable and loving parent from the life of the child. Psychiatrist Richard Gardner developed the concept of "parental alienation syndrome" 20 years ago, defining it as, "a disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes. Its primary manifestation is the child's campaign of denigration against a parent, a campaign that has no justification. It results from the combination of a programming (brainwashing) parent's indoctrinations and the child's own contributions to the vilification of the target parent." Children’s views of the targeted parent are almost exclusively negative, to the point that the parent is demonized and seen as evil.

As Amy Baker writes, parental alienation involves a set of strategies, including bad-mouthing the other parent, limiting contact with that parent, erasing the other parent from the life and mind of the child (forbidding discussion and pictures of the other parent), forcing the child to reject the other parent, creating the impression that the other parent is dangerous, forcing the child to choose between the parents by means of threats of withdrawal of affection, and belittling and limiting contact with the extended family of the targeted parent.

For many kids they end up cutting that parent out of thier lives and affections, some do figure out what the instigating parent has been doing and it can take years to undo the damage done.

RachaelVO

Morag wrote: »

Parental alienation syndrome, yes it's real,

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children




For many kids they end up cutting that parent out of thier lives and affections, some do figure out what the instigating parent has been doing and it can take years to undo the damage done.

That's the one, hadn't looked for it again.

It's quiet shocking that parents, whose job is to protect their children can do that to them. God forbid that I split up with my husband, but I'd hope that what ever animosity that was between us, wasn't passed on to our kids. No matter what, I will always admit (and it's now online for all to see), I know my husband adores our kids and they him, and I'd hope I wouldn't be a spiteful bitch and use them to hurt him.

mikerodgers96

yes

it happens in breakups

it's emotional abuse of children

and it's wrong

yellowcrayon

I didnt know that there was a name for it.

It does happen unfortunately.

My parents split when I was 15 and my dad turned me against my mother. When I became an adult and was able to see his true colours it took me ages to properly build a trusting relationship with my mother again.

Most people assume its the mother that bad-mouths about the father, but i guess thats not always the case.

Crea

Yes parents do this. In my case my mother still makes comments about my father over 20 years later. I do think that it's partially the reason why 2 of my siblings don't speak to my father - the view every bad thing that happened to them as kids as my fathers fault including bad stuff that my mother did - their reasoning is that my mother was so stressed by my fathers behaviour that she was a **** mother at the time.

My friend felt that her 8 year old "had a right to know" about his fathers alcoholism and his bad behaviour so he would fully understand the reason why the parents had split up. Suffice to say the son now refuses to see or speak to his father. The mother blames the father.

Femme_Fatale

I'm surprised there are clinical terms for this - I'd have just thought it was "Being a ****".

monkeysnapper wrote: »

My parents split up when I was 5 and my mum would put my dad down frequently . Call him all the names under the sun. And once even made me climb into his bathroom window to break into his house to steal back the record player. Terrible behaviour.

Only when I got we'll into my 20s did I realise that I didn't have a real relationship with my dad and most of that was due to me.

Due to your mother more like.

RachaelVO

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

I'm surprised there are clinical terms for this - I'd have just thought it was "Being a ****".

Due to your mother more like.

I see what you mean but, do you not think that's what the term means though? It has to have quiet the effect on you if you have one parent slagging off the other, how to you take sides? How can you reconcile feelings you shouldn't have as a child?

Fair play to the guys who shared, it's not easy admitting that your relationship with one of your parents was effected by the other, I respect and thank you for your honesty.

Femme_Fatale

Sorry, my mistake - thought the terms referred to the parents who do these things! Stupid speed-reading.

Although I do think there isn't any need to create clinical labels for what is an extremely normal, understandable outcome.

RachaelVO

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Sorry, my mistake - thought the terms referred to the parents who do these things! Stupid speed-reading.

Although I do think there isn't any need to create clinical labels for what is an extremely normal, understandable outcome.

Of course, but I think it's just because we are having more awareness of these things we're starting to see the effects of manipulation on our childrens psyche.