Help help help!

Smepf

Okay so where to begin, in with my partner for just over 7 years! We have a 14 week old baby also! Things have never been rosy due to his cannabis addiction which leads to him being paranoid etc!he thinks the whole world is against him! While I was pregnant he promised and promised to stop smoking after huge huge arguments but this never happened! He dosnt like goin places further than our local town and is on the laptop most of the time!
When the baby was 2 weeks old we were left with no choice but to move back to my parents house due to the severe coldness if our house and the damp! This was totally unsuitable plus the fact that our baby was colicky and I needed help! The problem is between my partner and my mother! He sometimes has to wrk until 11pm! He stays in bed till 11 or 12 the next day because he sits in the computer most of the night! I'm left doin all the feeding and minding if the baby! He took him 1 night in the 14 weeks! My mam is a great help with out her I would be lost but my partner thinks she is Interfering!! He won't take the baby at all but when any one else dose he gives out to me! He constantly shouts at me and tells me in lazy even tho I have my beautiful baby whom I would change for diamonds all the time and also work as a mobile hairdresser!! He says he hates my mother father and family and that's why he smokes can ibis and won't take the baby! He gives me 80€ per week out if which I have to buy all the grocerys all the baby essential all the dog food for his 4 dogs give mg mither money for the esb and buy what ever extras we need! I had to literally beg him for this money! He won't but baby any thing and never appreciates me! I could go on but I won't! I love him and want to be with him but wish he could change has any one else been in a similar situation that could give me some advice I'm doin everything I can to get us a house which will prob take another 6 weeks he says if we don't get out if he we will end up breaking up or he will end up loosing it with my mither and hitting her! Help

Czarcasm

I've never personally been in anything similar to your situation OP, but I've known plenty of women that have been, too many in fact.

You haven't mentioned any redeemable qualities about this guy whatsoever, so why are you still with him? He treats you like dirt, he has no respect for your family that are putting a roof over his head, and he completely disregards any responsibility he has towards his child. I can't imagine that the last seven years are the life you wanted for yourself growing up, and the only thing holding you back all this time has been this guy.

One of my friends recently dumped her boyfriend of five years after having a child with him last year, she KNEW he was a useless, selfish, self obsessed individual, but she didn't see just how self obsessed he was until she had a child and saw how nothing changed, he was still the same "poor me, I have it so hard, it's all about me", that he always was. So she dumped him. For a couple of months it took her time to get her life back together and learn to live independently (she met this guy when she was 17, she's 23 now). In that time she thought she was destined for singledom and the whole lot. A couple of months later she's met a great guy who actually enhances her life, not drags her down to his level, and she's trained and qualified as a beauty therapist so at the moment I'm guiding her through starting her own business.

The comparison between her attitude this time last year and now is like night and day, and she can actually see a plan for herself and her son where she couldn't see one before. As for her ex- he's back up in his home town living with his parents (who are themselves nothing to write home about, I know his whole family well), still dreaming about making it big as a DJ, but that's all he'll ever do, is dream, and talk about it, because he has no motivation or drive to make it a reality, and he too is a self centred individual who thinks everybody is against him. The reason nobody wants to help him, is because he doesn't want to help himself, and anyone that does try to help him- everything's too hard. He wants to do nothing and he's happy when everyone else around him is doing nothing too.

You're best off OP dumping your boyfriend and go make a life for yourself and your child. There are any number of organisations in your local area that will help you to make a life for yourself. The best place to start is going to your community welfare officer and then your social welfare office, sort out your own independent financial means first, then look up on the internet organisations in your area that help unemployed people to find work or start a business, and start putting a plan in place for yourself and your child. The rest will start falling into place as you go along.

Big Bag of Chips

I know you have a baby, but you don't HAVE to live together, for now anyway. He clearly doesn't want to live in your parents' house. He has no respect for them and the help they are giving you as a family. I cannot believe he would speak about your mother in such a way... Threatening to hit her???? While he avails of her hospitality and she picks up the slack with his child?

Tell him it's probably better if he moves out. It doesn't mean you are breaking up. It will just give you all a break from the pressure cooker environment you are all in at the moment.

To be honest, if it was me I couldn't see myself staying in the relationship long term, and I would be coming to terms with becoming a single parent. But I'm not you. Maybe a break from each other will do you good.

But I cannot see how he can possibly continue to live in your parents' house with such a terrible attitude. If I was your parent his behaviour towards you, and others, would really trouble me. I'd find it very difficult to not get involved

Look at it from your parents point of view. You have a child of your own now... How would you like them to be treated by their future partner? Would it upset you to see them in a relationship like yours?

Peanut2011

Smepf wrote: »

While I was pregnant he promised and promised to stop smoking after huge huge arguments but this never happened!


He sometimes has to wrk until 11pm! He stays in bed till 11 or 12 the next day because he sits in the computer most of the night!


I'm left doin all the feeding and minding if the baby! He took him 1 night in the 14 weeks!


He won't take the baby at all but when any one else dose he gives out to me!

He constantly shouts at me and tells me in lazy even tho I have my beautiful baby whom I would change for diamonds all the time and also work as a mobile hairdresser!!


He says he hates my mother father and family and that's why he smokes can ibis and won't take the baby!

He won't but baby any thing and never appreciates me!

I'm doin everything I can to get us a house which will prob take another 6 weeks

he says if we don't get out if he we will end up breaking up or he will end up loosing it with my mither and hitting her

OP,

I've only left the parts that would worry me! Why are you with this person??? I would also wonder was the pregnancy planned or not!

I see nothing in what you have said as to why to even consider having this person around never mind raising the child with such a person.

Without full story it is very hard to give you objective advice but based on what you have mentioned I would advise you to kick him out and tell him to grow up and man up!

Smoking cannabis cos he can't stand your parents!!! Giving out if anyone takes the baby but does nothing to help!!! Shouting at you and degrading you!!!

He is holding you responsible for everything from what I can see. Maybe you need to take the step back and re-read your own post. Then ask yourself why are you with him??

maria34

Your parents are angels!!!! Taking up daughters loser and his 4 dogs -they must be!

He is no help, abuses you all etc. Why you keep hom there???

The Corinthian

OP; how has his behaviour in the relationship changed since you became pregnant? Were things different? Has this been something that's developed since then?