brother smokes w#$d

XarcherX

Hi all thanks for reading, my OH is moving to Europe for 6 months as part of a new job so we've decided that me and my 2year old daughter would move into my parents house to try save some money. Plenty of room for us andmy parents are delighted but the problem is my younger brother. He's 25 and smokes weed in his room every day, he's stuck in a rut no job and not trying very hard to get one either... but we are moving into 2 rooms upstairs beside his room and the stink of weed through the whole upstairs is overpowering!
Plus my daughter has asthma so I tried to talk to him to tell him he cant smoke inside anymore as it will affect my daughter's health but he just muttered at me and closed the door in my face.
Can anyone advise how I should approach this? I have every right to be there as will be paying rent to my parents but he's the type of person who just can't take criticism of any kind, always was like that, you can't say anything to him as he just walks away.
We used to get on very well and I don't want to fall out with him but I have to put my foot down... how do I do it!?
All advice appreciated, thanks

Boskowski

Maybe talk nicely to him rather than barging in with your daughters and telling him what he can't do anymore.
Try looking at it from his angle. If you were living somewhere and a new 'tenant' barges in imposing new rules how would you feel?
Not saying your requests don't make sense and you're wrong or anything. But yet you're very matter of factly and you don't hesitate to point out all his 'bad' sides to make sure we get your cause is more worthy than his.
Sometimes even when we're right right it still pays off to be nice about it.

Merkin

It's your parents house so ultimately it is up to them. If they happily cohabited with him up until now and have no issue with his pot smoking then you can't really come along then and impose your rules in their house. If they're not willing to get involved then I'd advise you to maybe look for cheaper accommodation elsewhere. You've asked him directly after all so there is not a great deal else you can do.

Nuttzz

How do you parents feel about him smoking weed, and if they are none the wiser how would they react if you told them he was?

Sounds like he needs a size 10 in the hole, as an asthmatic myself I can sympathise with your feelings for your daughter and her help has more priority than his need to escape reality

uch

Why not go to Europe with your OH, then there's no issue

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies all. Just so you know, in no way did I barge in with my daughter and start barking orders.. I was nice about it and asked him to stop smoking inside and gave him the reason why, thinking he'd understand where I was coming from.
As I said, we do usually get on very well.. but niceness is not working..
He doesn't seem to have any respect at all for my parents, my mam has confronted him several times about the smoking (among other things) and is always asking me to try and talk to him or help him get a job etc. etc.
Also, my parents are not doing very well financially at the moment so me contributing would help them out a lot, but that's another story :P
I do realise it's their house and not mine, my parents are far too quiet for their own good so yes, as much as I love him, I do think he needs a good kick up the ****.. He's been like this for the last 4 or 5 years and i'd love to see him get out of whatever rut he's stuck in cos he does not seem happy
I can see why he would think "who does she think she is, not back 5 minutes and already trying to change things", I can totally see i'm coming across as pushy but he'll have to get over himself, I've lived in that house my whole life and I won't tiptoe around him just cos he's a sensitive sally.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply guys, much appreciated x

Bigdeadlydave

Call the gards on him, if your parents wont do anything. Aside from the fact that he is funding murderers and criminals by buying it, taking drugs around kids is a major no no, its a major change in the dynamic of the house were it was just him and his parents

The Bishop Basher

Bigdeadlydave wrote: »

Call the gards on him, if your parents wont do anything. Aside from the fact that he is funding murderers and criminals by buying it, taking drugs around kids is a major no no, its a major change in the dynamic of the house were it was just him and his parents

Think long and hard about how this advice would affect your parents. I agree with the others tbh. If they are all happy with the arrangements so far you would be better off looking elsewhere.

freshpopcorn

Bigdeadlydave wrote: »

Call the gards on him, if your parents wont do anything. Aside from the fact that he is funding murderers and criminals by buying it, taking drugs around kids is a major no no, its a major change in the dynamic of the house were it was just him and his parents

I don't think this will help to be honest. This will basically make your brother resent you and your parents might not be to happier either. This could also effect his future life. IF he got a criminal conviction it could really hold him back to do things in the future and your parents won't want to be known as the house the drugs were found it.
You could try and talk to your parents and brother in a calm manner about your concerns for your daughters health.

EvanCornwallis

My brother is the same, was total junkie on the stuff. If your brother is like mine, there's going to be no talking to him. Your parents are probably like my own too. Fought against it, but, ultimately gave up and now accept it just to keep the peace.

You will most likely have to accept the situation as is, or look for alternative accommodation.

Bigdeadlydave

Bigdeadlydave wrote: »

Call the gards on him, if your parents wont do anything. Aside from the fact that he is funding murderers and criminals by buying it, taking drugs around kids is a major no no, its a major change in the dynamic of the house were it was just him and his parents

In the same way that piracy funds terrorism? You don't know where he is getting it from - for all you know, he could be growing it himself or getting it from someone who is.

Talk to your parents, OP. See how they feel about it. You can't go asking him to move out, because it's not your house so it's not your call.

ivytwine

I don't care about people smoking weed but it is different when there are kids involved. It's not good for their respiratory systems, the smell gets everywhere, and it's not setting them a good example.

Have a word and ask would he mind cutting back for their sake.

LegacyUser

Children being in a house where second hand smoke is present is never acceptable. Bad enough when it is normal cigarettes but marijuana is even less acceptable as it is illegal and the drug is not healthy around kids.

That is the kids but it is clear that your brother is on a hiding to nowhere in life. Perhaps the
In my opinion, I think informing the Gaurds could help your brother to get his act together by giving him a bit of a shock.
He is breaking the law and I think you and your folks have a moral and possibly legal obligation to report a breach of the law.

XarcherX

Hi all thanks for the replies.. I just want to point out that I didn't just go barging in barking orders at him. I tried to talk to him and explain where I was coming from thinking he'd understand. We usually get on very well and i dont want to fall out with him but as much as I love him and all, he does need a big kick up the backside, he's done absolutely nothing for himself since he started smoking that sh** about 4 years ago...
Nothing against people who smoke it, ive done it myself back in the day but I think if it's stopping u from functioning or doing anything else outside of spending your life sitting in your room stuck to tv then somethings amiss..
It's not just about my child either, my mother is getting fairly worried as he makes absokutely no attempt to hide it, as in, doesn't lock his door, has bags of the stuff in his bed locker.. I don't want the child wandering in finding it.
I'm not involving guards I wouldn't do it to my parents.
I've decided to get him on his own where he can't close a door in my face and try make him see sense. He has no more entitlement to that house than I do, I've lived there most my life I'm not going to let him treat my parents with such little respect just cos I'm gone a few years..
He can get over himself, I'm not asking too much of him.
Wish me luck!!

Ham Sambo

I smoke legal tobacco but would never dream of smoking indoors, smoking legal / illegal tobacco inside especially where children are present is just taking the pi*s

jay1988

Definitely don't ring the guards anyway, if you ring them over your brother smoking weed in his room they won't even bother doing anything about it.