13 year old needing friends- advice?

LadyMayBelle

Looking for some advice please!

Little sister is almost 13. Starting into a new secondary school in September, a new school with only all first years. Comes from a class of 7. Has three older siblings; in a way she is like an only child given the huge age gaps.

She likes time alone to read, and potter, and does ballet and music during the termtime. Not sporty, and more into music (little indie lady!) and books. I realised yesterday she doesnt actually have a friend she can call on for a chat or to visit; there's another kid in the estate who is a year younger but they are very different; they hang out sometimes but again dont have much in common. I chatted to her and she would like some friends but just hasnt come across any that she feels she'd get on with or like to invite back.

My Mum wanted to send her to a drama group or summer camp but she point blank refused; saying she'd try drama in the new school. She's always hated camps and has tried Cubs, Brownies, Sports. Mum didnt want to force her, rightly so but has made sure she has other day trips away and spending time with her other siblings (none at home, all adults)

I cant help but feel a little sorry for the kid at times, perhaps because I was a bit like that too at that age and it pained me so much. My Mum says she can see it in her too but isnt going to force her into any class or activity, understandably, as it would crush her esteem to think there was something wrong! I get that.

My suggestion was to let her settle in for a term at the new school, encourage to join a drama group and let friendships develop naturally and if there are concerns come half term, to chat to the class tutor on the QT? She has an excellent relationship with parents and all of us and our partners, which means she is quite a sensible little kid, but still only 13 at the end of the day.

My Mum has spent time chatting to her about making friends in September, whilst trying not to pressure her into thinking she's 'different' because she hasnt got any.

Are we doing the right thing? What would you suggest? Would really appreciate some senstive advice, breaks my heart not being around more for her.

LWS

Had a 13 year old in similar position last year heading into new school on her own with 120 new first years. Im sure she will be fine and will make friends and settle in but it prob no harm to help her out with obvious things - if possible ensure she has same 'gear' as other kids, the dubarry/susst boat shoes and trendy bag etc, just so she does not stand out too much at the beginning. Im all for individuality but its a daunting prospect for any 13 year old. I had my daughters hair cut and blow dried the day before so she felt good in herself the first day (she might look a little more confident that she might be feeling!!). Anyway once she in secondary school encourage her to be involved with the extra curricular stuff she likes as she will inevitably meet some new friends with similar interests. Fingers and toes crossed it all goes well for her.

LadyMayBelle

Great idea about the blowdry; we always notice such a bounce in her when she gets her hair cut or if I straightren it as a treat! She's very stubborn in her style, but there is a uniform so that will help.