Nosey sister invaded my privacy

LegacyUser

My only sister who is 28 logged into my facebook account yesterday and read all my messages, some of which would be very personal and others rather saucy! These messages were from the different women I have been with over the last few months. She then confronted me about them this; with a holier than thou attitude this evening and went and told my elderly mother all the sordid details from my lovelife. I am currently with a different woman who I quite like but went through a string of women over the last few months, some N.S.A and others who we re just friends etc.

I feel very betrayed and violated, and ironically this is not the first time she has done it; having previously read all my text messages when I had removed the unlock code from a phone for a day whilst updating iTunes a few months back and was then confronted about a different woman yet again! She is my only sister but this time I am really angry at her this time because she totally invaded my privacy firstly by using my computer which I have repeatedly told her to stay away from as she has infected it with viruses before.

December2012

Waaaay out of line by her!

Is she normally so horrible?

Lorna123

I think this is absolutely disgusting OP. She has no right to do this. Bad enough doing it but then telling your mother about it. I would be disgusted too. Is there no way you can keep your things private. Just tell her to back off and mind her own business. There is little much else you can do at this stage. Change your password immediately and make sure you never leave your computer unattended again or your phone. Sorry you had to endure this OP but it will fade in time.

LegacyUser

Ok, I take it you were already logged in? She didn't actually have your password did she?

MAJOR invasion of privacy, I would flip if any of my siblings did that to me. Well first things first, don't ever, ever leave your fb logged in again. Or email or anything else she could snoop at. Change passwords on everything, including phone, computer, all web accounts etc. lock your room when you're not home.

Secondly your sister, there is no real way to deal with what she did because what's done is done, you can ensure that she doesn't do it again though! I'm sure you would have had it out with her last night? But I would just mention to her that what she did was a major breach of trust and she won't get her nose into any of your private life again. Was your sis always like this?? How did your mam react to what she told her?

dellas1979

Youve already asked her to stop...and she didnt (which is ridiclous at 28 she would do that-I assume youre not a child to be minded). So she will do it again and again....

Am not a tit for tat person, but sometimes lessons need to be learned. I would snoop through her stuff and see how she likes it.

Daisy M

Its bad enough that she read through your private messages but to then go and tell your elderly mother is disgusting. There is something fundamentally wrong with someone who can behave in such a manner, she is either a very small minded individual or is trying to turn your mother against you. I am not sure why any person would read details of their siblings sex life, it sounds strange to say the least.
If you live at home or with your sister its probably time to move out.

Stavro Mueller

Maybe it's the wrong thing to do but if it happened to me I would demand that she hand me over her phone on the spot so I could have a read of her texts. Then ask for her email and Facebook passwords and tell her that you want to read her messages in those right now. If she protests, tell her that you don't see what the problem is. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with invading your privacy so it's only fair that you should have a good gawk too.

Other than that, all you can do is take the advice given earlier in the thread. Change all your passwords, watch your phone like a hawk etc. It's awful that you need to take such measures but unfortunately that's the hand you've been dealt

Edit: I'm not suggesting that you actually read her texts etc. Hopefully you looking for her phone/passwords will shock her into realising the full implications of what she has done.

freshpopcorn

Well I think that she was totally wrong to read your messages on facebook to begin with. I would recommend you change your pass word and not let her near any laptops/computers that you have.
I think the fact that she told your mother is really childish and she shows no respect towards you or her mother. No mother should hear what her son gets up to in his private life. It wasn't like she was joking she meant to tell your mother everything to shame you. Is she by any chance a bit jealous of you?
I would tell her that you have lost all the respect you had for her by the way she read your private messages and told your mother. You should also tell her that it is not natural for a daughter to tell a mother such personal things about her brothers love life. Make it clear to her how disappointed you are in her.

Esoteric_

I wouldn't engage in tit for tat snooping, like some people have suggested. I would never lower myself to somebody else's level just to get back at them.

Lock your computer, change all your passwords, make damn sure you log out of Facebook anytime you're going offline and lock your phone.

Call her out on it, ask her why she felt she had any right to read your private messages, let alone tell your mother about them. I'd also be reminding her that you're an adult and therefore, your sex life is your own business and nobody else's. Shame her with words, not by snooping through her stuff.

Lastly, I personally would not speak to somebody who invaded my privacy in such a way, after I called them out.

WhatNowForUs?

Its a bit weird. 28 it sounds like there is a 2 in front that should not be there. Can I ask what age are you. Stupid idea but could she be trying to protect you in a strange sort of a way. Just throwing it out there.

Call Me Jimmy

+1 for it being weird. I don't think it's out of line, I think it is the behavior of a mentally ill sister. You're her brother like why would she even want to read any of that stuff?

Nuts.

Only thing you can do is try to be even more secure with your stuff. No point getting involved in any argument / conversation / moralising because she seems too far gone for it to be anything other than academic.

Definitely would agree with others who have said the tit for tat route isn't the right one. Clamp down on your privacy - change your passwords, clear your cache/history/anything else (I find CCleaner to be the best for this) regularly, to ensure that she can't log on from your computer, and disable autofill data on whatever browser you're using (I find this comes in handy for privacy).

Why she felt the need to tell your mother about it is beyond me!

homemadecider

Telling her to stay away from your computer obviously doesn't work. Put a password on it. Change your FB password. Put a password on your phone. And then also move house! Your sister sounds mental.

Honey-ec

What in God's name is she hoping to achieve by telling your mother? As someone already said, no mother wants to know the ins and outs of any of their children's love lives. I know that if any of my siblings tried that with my mother (not that they would) they'd be told in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to hear it and to cop themselves on. Hopefully your mother did the same.

All you can do at this stage is change all your passwords, make sure you're not inadvertently staying logged into anything and tell your sister to grow the fuck up.

Seriously, I wouldn't even expect that from my 13 year old sex-obsessed nephew.

miss no stars

If she doesn't believe you when you say it's off the wall to do that, show her this thread. Seeing as she has no respect for her family, maybe she would respect the views of perfect strangers. All of whom are saying it's totally not okay to invade privacy like that.

Neyite

Invading your privacy was nosy and intrusive. Telling your mother was malicious. Her aim was to cause trouble.

Like everyone says, up the privacy settings on all your devices, and fit a lock on your bedroom door if you can. I would be so livid I don't think I could speak to her again for some time as I wouldn't trust myself to be civil.

Merkin

What age are you OP? Are you both living at home?

uch

Merkin wrote: »

What age are you OP? Are you both living at home?

Don't see what relevance this would have.

Merkin

I think his age is highly relevant.

If he is a 30-year old man for example and is having this kind of ridiculous row and his space invaded by his clearly moronic sister (who at 28 should have moved out of home approximately ten years ago) then it is high time he moved out also.

freshpopcorn

Merkin wrote: »

I think his age is highly relevant.

If he is a 30-year old man for example and is having this kind of ridiculous row and his space invaded by his clearly moronic sister (who at 28 should have moved out of home approximately ten years ago) then it is high time he moved out also.

He does say the parent is elderly so he might be looking after them due to ill health but other wise I can see where your coming from.

Katgurl

this thread has given me rage as my sister does & has done stuff her whole life to me like this. my family, in general have no respect for privacy so nobody ever raised an eyebrow (plus she is so troublesome in general it is usually not worth confronting her on anything.)

Now I pin-code / extra security everything. if she even picks up my iphone to plug into speakers and play music I say "give me that, i will unlock it" and if she starts moaning i say "i'm not having you rummaging through my private stuff."

your sister will never learn IMO and its not your job to teach her. If you can be bothered you should absolutely f**k her out of it and never ever let her near your things again.

janja

Major violation of your privacy, I would have seriously strong words!

simonsays1

Woahhhh
Seriously, kindly tell her to back the mf away from your life- and maybe focusing on her own wouldn't do any harm!

This is rather peculiar considering her age!
Bad form- (She is really lacking cop on may I add)

Panthro

My God, sounds like she really needs to mature up a wee bit and start living in the real world.
Who the hell does she think she is reading through your stuff and running back telling Mommy?!!
I mean come on, who the hell does that?!

If I were you, I'd find it very hard not to give her a good and proper telling off, and tell her that until she realises the error of her ways, don't bother darkening your door again. Sister or no sister, she's crossed a line here, and more than once too.

KT10

As others have said, lock down everything, if yours is the only computer in the house, I wouldn't let her use it at all as she obviously can't be trusted. Thats what the rational part of me says.

The vengeful part of me says, clear all your cached usernames and passwords, disable auto-login on Facebook etc, then install a keylogger on your own machine and let her use it away.

Bingo, you have her email/FB account etc. Go through her stuff, anything juicy confront her with it and say you're thinking of telling your mother, see how she reacts, then when she's finished grovelling, revoke her PC access.