icouldntfeelanyworse

LegacyUser

Ok, I'm going to try keep this short and sweet. I was going out with a guy for 5 years. God did we have our ups and downs. We lived together and on Valentines night we had a massive row and he walked out the door and told me that was it. We were never ever getting back together. I was devastated. He changed his phone number etc.

I was in bits, crying at the drop of a hat.. missed him immensely etc. But after 3 months I began to feel better but even though he changed his phone he contacted me again and we never really lost touch but I never ever thought he would ever consider a re union.

So back in May I met a guy I used to know and I started dating him. At the same time I still met up with my ex for drinks.

So at the weekend I met my ex for drinks and he we were together. I was delighted as I'm mad about him. before I was I told him the truth.. that i was seeing another guy ... he was devastated. Absolutely heart broken. That was Saturday night and we spent Sunday and Monday together and on Sunday morning I text the new guy and told him i couldn't see him for a while as I needed to sort my head out.

On Tuesday morning, I went to take a shower and when i arrived back into my ex's bedroom the light on my phone was on.. I looked at him and he said " you didn't even have the respect for me to delete the texts, now pack your bags and get out" He had read all the text from the new guy and they were very explicit.

What am I to do. I love this guy. He said he hates me, I'm dirt to him and that he is changing his phone and I'll never hear from him again.

I know hes angry and I wrote him a letter and sent it to his house.Is there any hope that we could get back on track. I feel like the worst in the world and I know I've hurt the one person I love more than anything in the world.

Esoteric_

You've done nothing wrong to your ex, you dated somebody else when ye were split up. Obviously, deleting the texts would have been a good idea, but why the fcuk was he going through your phone in the first place? Obviously he was either extremely nosy, or didn't trust you, neither of which boded well for the future.

Leave the 'new' guy alone because you're messing him around a lot, which is a horrible thing to do. Just leave him be, because you're not invested in that relationship.

As for your ex - it's not going to work. Much as you might love him, he's made it clear he can't accept that you didn't just sit back and wait for him, you moved on and saw somebody else. You managed to start moving on before, so you can do it again. Stay strong, and remember that you did NOT do anything wrong in dating somebody after you guys broke up. How he reacts is his problem, not yours.

Czarcasm

Your ex sounds like a control freak tbh- his way or no way, leaving you constantly seeking his approval. I would suggest that it's less that you love your ex, and more that you just love to please him.

Cut off all contact with him, for good, and move on with your life. Your ex has already messed up one potential relationship on you, don't let him ruin another one.

MagicMarker

You feel bad but you feel bad about the wrong thing.

Instead of feeling bad for your ex when you hadn't done anything wrong, you should be feeling bad for screwing over the "new guy".

A reality check is needed methinks.

MissFlitworth

So you told him you had been seeing someone else and he was heartbroken but spent the weekend with you so obviously not *that* heartbroken. Then freaked out when he saw texts that just backed up what you had already told him? Why do you feel like the worst person in the world? You told him what had happened, he was ok with it (and he dumped you in the first place) and he had a genuinely mental reaction to seeing those texts. You should be relieved that he's changing his number (again! How melodramatic of him)

Daisy M

After 5 years he walked out the door and that was it? He changed his number and is now doing it again so you will not be able to contact him, did you harass him so much after the breakup that he had no other option or is he playing mindgames?
He reads the texts on your phone, which should be private and were exchanged when you were not with him, and he is annoyed and accuses you of having no respect for him. Where is the respect for you? He sounds like a control freak, your relationship was in your words, up and down, this isn't normal and does not have the makings for a happy life. Do yourself a favour and stay away from him.

Neyite

He may not want you, but wants the ego boost of you pining for him, and this new guy was signs that his ego boost was potentially moving on. He wanted to keep you hooked on how fabulous he is.

I'm guessing the texts were an excuse. He decided to sleep with you the first night, then figured that you'd do for a bit of a casual thing, then when the chat turned serious, he needed an out, because he didnt want you back as a girlfriend and the texts came in very handy indeed.

You were played in my opinion. Now you need to work on why you would love someone who plays manipulative games. You did nothing wrong. Dont write him letters, dont contact him at all, and take some time out of the dating scene. And dont go back to the other guy either, it wouldnt be fair when your head is all over the place.

Stavro Mueller

He was being a bit presumptuous, wasn't he? That because you'd slept with him, that ye were some sort of item again? To be honest I agree with everything the others have said. Your relationship sounds like it wasn't the healthiest and I really don't like the way your ex behaved at the time of both "breakups". There's a nasty controlling side to him but of course you're too emotionally involved to see this. In the short term you are better off cutting contact with him, breaking it off with the guy you were seeing and spending some time being single to sort your head out. If you've got a smartphone, you can block your ex's number. I've no doubt he'll come crawling out of the woodwork again at some stage. You need to be strong and stop engaging with him. Otherwise you're facing into a never-ending circle of getting back together/being dumped/getting back together.

jimd2

In my opinion you jumped back into bed too quickly with your ex and you have now paid the price. I am surprised that you are not getting slated for this considering that you have a boyfriend.

If you had kept your clothes on and said to the ex you would like to take it slowly and break it off with your boyfriend then there is a fair chance that you would have erased the texts.

At the same time t looks like you dodged a bullet in that ex though with your behaviour you do seem suited.

Do your boyfriend a favour and break it off with him but don't let him know your behaviour last weekend.

Big Bag of Chips

So he broke up with you, changed his number but then got back in contact. You met up with him - you told him you were with someone else now, so then he had to see if he could still have you. And he did.

He then found out that you broke up with the other fella, so were available - and then he dumped you too.

He doesn't want you. He just wants you to want him. And when he knows you do, he just disappears again confident that the next time he wants a bit of a fling all he has to do is contact you and you'll be waiting.


Do yourself a favour, and change YOUR number, so that he can't keep messing you around. He couldn't care less about you

Chara1001

OP, i'm thinking you had a lucky escape here. No doubt he was bombarding you with some major guilt trips, but according to your op, he's said some seriously nasty things to you (piece of dirt, etc) but do you realize you haven't done anything wrong to him?

Going through your phone was HIS wrongdoing, you didn't lie to him about anything, did you ask what was it exactly he was looking to find on your phone? Maybe he was hoping to find texts like this so he could feel justified in going off on one at you. And he's got you thinking he was right.

OP things aren't right in this power play you have going on with him, you're sending letters to him -presumably apologizing, or explaining yourself or telling him how you can make it right with him and this'll never happen again, etc etc. But it will, there will be something else he will feel wronged about- you won't have any control over what that is btw- and something else after that. He is controlling and manipulative and you need to see his actions are NOT justified.

I really hope he does change his number and stays away from you long enough for you to see whats happening. But I doubt he will, i reckon he'll keep out of contact long enough for you to be still missing him badly and maybe offer you another chance. Conditional of course.

OP please take the time to see things a bit more clearly. You WILL feel better in time, also i would advise you to stay single for a bit and leave the other guy you were seeing alone also, it doesn't sound like you were in the right place for another relationship at the time anyway.

Good luck

LegacyUser

I never set out to mess the 'new' man around... I was trying to move on with my life and then my ex came back into my life. I know I should have never started back talking with him but the fact of the matter is that I did and I have.

My ex text me last night with a whole different air about him. Kind, considerate.. I know many of you believe that he just wanted to 'bed' me and that was that but I know different.

The fact of the matter is I never fully realised how much he DID love me until I told him the truth and saw his total devastation....

I won't be seeing the 'new' guy again and told him so. I realise now that I am still madly in love with my ex and until I get over him I intend to stay single..

I would still live in hope of salvaging this relationship..

Esoteric_

If you live in hope of salvaging the relationship, you will never move on and get past it.

Czarcasm

OP your last post there is so full of confusing contradictions, suffice to say there's a woeful air of defiance about it too, completely disregarding any of the advice you've been given in this thread for the sake of a few lines from your ex.

It's fairly obvious you don't yet see how you're being manipulated but here's a clue-

soulmates forever don't just walk out on a five year relationship on a whim, then get back together on the basis of a quick fumble between the sheets and a few "he still loves me" texts.

Merkin

soulmatesforever wrote: »

My ex text me last night with a whole different air about him. Kind, considerate.. I know many of you believe that he just wanted to 'bed' me and that was that but I know different.

The fact of the matter is I never fully realised how much he DID love me until I told him the truth and saw his total devastation....

I won't be seeing the 'new' guy again and told him so. I realise now that I am still madly in love with my ex and until I get over him I intend to stay single..

I would still live in hope of salvaging this relationship..

Wow - you really are a very willing puppet on a string for this a$$hole. You are being totally played and don't even realise it. Take the blinkers off girl.

This ex doesn't want you and certainly doesn't have any respect for you - think back to how he made you feel after telling you to pack your bags and get out after just having had sex with you the other morning. No nice guy would ever do that. Think back to how you felt when he walked out on you and changed his phone number. The excuse of looking through your texts the other morning was just that, an excuse. He just wanted to prove he could have you at the click of his fingers. Which he can.

This guy wants you on his terms - those terms being you a subservient and distraught girl at his beck and call who can't forge a life for herself without him. He'll treat you like **** yet again and you'll be left devastated for a second time. And again.

Cut him out of your life once and for all. Actions speak louder than words and this man has shown himself to be nothing other than a selfish, cruel and controlling pig. Get rid and tell him to fcuk off and leave you alone.

Big Bag of Chips

He wasn't "devastated" that you were seeing someone else. His ego was bruised that you were moving on. That is why he slept with you, to prove to himself that even if you were with someone else, you still want him. Then after he ruined that relationship and had his little bit of fun, he put you back on shelf, where he knows you'll be waiting for him for the next time.

I don't see much point in continuing advising you. You clearly have your mind made up that he is the only one for you, and is madly in love with you. It's just a shame that you can't see what is blatantly obvious to everyone else.

Czarcasm

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I don't see much point in continuing advising you. You clearly have your mind made up that he is the only one for you, and is madly in love with you. It's just a shame that you can't see what is blatantly obvious to everyone else.

The OP in this case unfortunately has some cliched and romanticised notions about "they'll prove everyone wrong, their love is strong" etc, completely glossing over all the dramatics and crap that this a-hole is putting her through.

The OP comes off like she WANTS people to tell her it won't work, get on with her life, etc, and the more people tell her that, the more she will resolve to prove everyone else wrong.

I can only speak for myself when I say that in five minutes I'll log off and I won't care whether the OP "proves me wrong" or not. Last thing I'll say is with that kind of martyr mindset she's only setting herself up for a world of pain and dramatics and another five years of "ups and downs", she may never realise that being in love is about equality and genuine affection for another person, it's not about controlling or changing them or hoping that one day you'll prove everyone wrong.

Stavro Mueller

I hope for your sake that he doesn't start using those texts as ammunition against you. I'm not all that surprised to hear that you've gone back to him because he seems to have quite a hold over you. Don't say you've not been warned.

WumBuster

sounds a rite mess. Its the new guy i feel the most sympathy for. I know because i was in that position myself recently when a girl id met and fallen for was constantly in touch with her ex and eventually went back to him. I was devestated beyond belief and still am. I think you need to cut them both out now, and take some time to get your head straight. Not easy but has to be done.

kylith

He has now dumped you, for no reason, twice. How many more times are you going to let him do it?

As said above, he dumped you then when he found out you were with someone else he ruined that relationship. When he was done his fun he looked for an excuse to dump you again. He is a cúnt of the first order, and if you do anything other than erase his number, ignore any and all messages from him, and pretend he never existed then you'll have no-one to blame when he fúcks you over again except yourself.

moochers

What an absolute dickhead. If an ex did that to me, I'd drop a big spider in his mouth and kick him up the ass. Kick him to the kerb, lick your wounds and keep the hell away from him.