should playdates be reciprocated?

Aimeee

As title says, should kid visits to each others houses be reciprocated? Assuming all things are equal, i.e. work hours etc.

If not returned do you just stop asking the kid over or ignore the lack of return invitation/get over it?

lazygal

I think it depends. Our child is a little young for playdates (BTW I hate that word) but there are certain homes I'm not as happy for her to visit and would prefer the children to come to ours, among them supervision and eating habits. But if it was the case that things were all us having children over and our children never being asked back, I'd probably put an end to it. These things should work both ways.

RubyGirl

I have a 5 & 7 year old and I would'nt be keen on letting them go to their friends houses where I just know the parent from saying hi at the school gate. They are more than welcome to come over here. What that parent makes of it is up to them. Luckely my kids go the school I went to when I was small so I know some parent's from that and my daughter is friends with girl's that have brother's in my son's class so we arrange visit's where we exchange a kid for the day it's great that way.

Hannibal Smith

They really should be reciprocated. ..but if they're not I wouldn't stop inviting. Some people reciprocate with us, others dont. People could have things on their mind, are afraid of doing it or are maybe getting work done. They may not have time to tidy up to guest standard if they're working and feel like they should. As long as the kids get to play together I dont care if its my house all the time.

Lisha

I prefer if kids come here too tbh. So it would not bother me if not recriprocated.

Everyone's situations are different. Time wise, financial constraints etc.

silja

Do you know why it is not being reciprocated? If all things are truly equal, then both families should host. However, it is possible one family has an elderly parent living with them that doesn't like the noise multiple kids make, or several other kids that would want to join in the play and disrupt it, or a dog who is ok with their kids but gets snappy at visitors....

Aimeee

Thanks for replies.
No known reason for lack of reciprocation.
It doesn't bother me really, its been going on five years now though, and I think we are done. (There is other stuff I won't go into).
I was just wondering what the general consensus would be.
Btw it's not a term I like either, just using to save my laborious explanation.

Miss Lockhart

I would wonder about the situation but at the end of the day I wouldn't like the child's friendship to suffer if my only problem was playdate invites not being reciprocated. I just don't think it's a good enough reason to stop something they enjoy.

Aimeee

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I would wonder about the situation but at the end of the day I wouldn't like the child's friendship to suffer if my only problem was playdate invites not being reciprocated. I just don't think it's a good enough reason to stop something they enjoy.

Agree.

lazygal

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I would wonder about the situation but at the end of the day I wouldn't like the child's friendship to suffer if my only problem was playdate invites not being reciprocated. I just don't think it's a good enough reason to stop something they enjoy.

I'd be worried that my child might think friendship can be a one way street. I know I was a real people pleaser when I was younger, partly because it was always friends coming to our house (for sundry reasons I won't go into here) rather than me going over to theirs. In hindsight, I felt I had to make sure they wanted to come over and be super nice and please them because otherwise I'd have no opportunity to play with others. Friendships should involve reciprocation too.

Miss Lockhart

lazygal wrote: »

I'd be worried that my child might think friendship can be a one way street. I know I was a real people pleaser when I was younger, partly because it was always friends coming to our house (for sundry reasons I won't go into here) rather than me going over to theirs. In hindsight, I felt I had to make sure they wanted to come over and be super nice and please them because otherwise I'd have no opportunity to play with others. Friendships should involve reciprocation too.

I don't disagree with anything you say. But there are other ways to teach that lesson and the fact is that the situation is out of the control of the child in question. It is not their fault that invites are not reciprocated. Personally I would feel very uncomfortable "punishing" them for their parents' choices.

Paddy Cow

Aimeee wrote: »

Thanks for replies.
No known reason for lack of reciprocation.
It doesn't bother me really, its been going on five years now though, and I think we are done. (There is other stuff I won't go into).
I was just wondering what the general consensus would be.
Btw it's not a term I like either, just using to save my laborious explanation.

Some people are selfish and use playdates as a free babysitting service. I don't have kids but I remember when I was younger there were two girls who used to always go to other people's houses. We were never allowed to visit their house because their mother didn't want children (including her own) under her feet. Eventually every family got sick of them and they weren't allowed over to play. It was no great loss as they were as selfish and inconsiderate as their mother and we ended up not wanting to play with them anyway.