Snapping at boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been with my bf for roughly six months and I love him dearly. I was living in a different city and we got chatting online and I ended up moving here six months ago. Prior to that, we’d been talking for about six months too so in total I know him a year.

Anyway, I don’t know anybody else in this city and I also found it really hard to find work. During this time he was amazing to me and took care of everything. He did all that he could to make me feel comfortable and looked after. We had a great time together and never argued about anything. I know it might seem quite sudden and quick to move in with someone and I guess it was but it felt right and we knew we loved each other.

Lately however, things have changed. Neither of us have any real interests outside of each other and we spend all of our time together. I’ve found a job but there’s nobody I’d really be friends with outside of work. Despite having been here for 2 years, he doesn’t really have many friends either. This doesn’t seem to bother him. He’s happy enough just coming home from work and doing nothing. I need more though.

I know it’s not his fault and I need to make changes myself but I find that I’m getting more and snappier towards him. We spend every minute together and even when we’re both at work he emails me a fair bit. I asked him recently to stop doing this as it’s just too much contact. I am starting to find things he does and says irritating and I never did before.
It’s making me feel very sad. I love him but he’s starting to irritate me. I have been honest and told him this and also explained that I think it’s because we spend too much time together. It stands to reason that anyone would annoy you if you saw them every-day and had nothing going on outside of them. I know it’s up to me to join clubs etc and I will but I’m worried that this isn’t normal.

We argue almost every-day over something and he thinks it’s a really bad sign that he annoys me as he claims I never annoy him and people in love don’t annoy each other.
Please can someone give me some advice as I really don’t have anyone else I can talk too about this.

Sorry it’s so long, I appreciate any opinions or advice.

fungun

Sounds like *something* is making you angry about your situation, and sometimes the easiest thing is to snap at those closest to us.

If I were you Id try to look at yourself and try to understand why you are angry - is it that he is making too much contact? Or is it that you feel you have no friends here and so you have no option? Are you a bit annoyed by the fact that you came here for him and now have no local friends...and that this annoys you but not him? Does the lack of friends mean all of your anger has to be vented at him?

To me it sounds like maybe by doing some activity in the evenings would be nice for you and give you an out, and you might find yourself less annoyed with him.....Id do something like that and try not to worry that this is not normal....of course its normal.....just do it, and see if things get better

PS

people in love don’t annoy each other

Bollocks, of course they do! But you cant be in each others pockets all the time, or of course you will get annoyed

LegacyUser

I guess it's just hard going from having friends and being single to having no friends and living with someone.

I want this to work and I know I have to take responsibility and try to build a life of my own here outside of him but it can feel quite lonely and intimidating. It's weird how you can feel such conflicting emotions at the same time. I feel smothered but I also feel lonely.

Then I think maybe I'm just an intolerable b*tch cos he never seems to get snappy at me. So maybe I'm the problem or maybe we're just not suited to each other. We get on so well though that I don't think that's what it is. I just don't know. I hate snapping at him. It makes us both feel bad.

December2012

Look for a group to join so you have a social life that's not just him.

Look on meetup.com, professional groups, similar interest groups.

You need more stimulation other than each other.

fungun

kinggrimson wrote: »

I guess it's just hard going from having friends and being single to having no friends and living with someone.

I want this to work and I know I have to take responsibility and try to build a life of my own here outside of him but it can feel quite lonely and intimidating. It's weird how you can feel such conflicting emotions at the same time. I feel smothered but I also feel lonely.

Yes!!!

kinggrimson wrote: »

Then I think maybe I'm just an intolerable b*tch cos he never seems to get snappy at me. So maybe I'm the problem or maybe we're just not suited to each other. We get on so well though that I don't think that's what it is. I just don't know. I hate snapping at him. It makes us both feel bad.

No, now you are over-thinking it!

You know what you need to do, you have said it yourself. Now stop your over-analytical cycle and get out there and do what you know you should do!!!

strobe

First off, stop snapping at him, he's not a child and he's not a dog (not that anyone should snap at children or dogs either). It's childish, selfish, unjustifiable and intensly unnatractive. So for starters I'd appologise for that to him and knock off the behaviour in future, in this relationship or any future one.

Secondly, would the two of you consider moving into seperate accomodation but staying together? Six months is a pretty short time together to move in, sounds like it was too soon for you two anyway.