I don't feel loved by my boyfriend

ukulayla

This is probably going to sound completely childish and pathetically spoiled of me, but I just don't feel loved by my boyfriend. We've been together almost a year and have travelled the world together. We spent 6 months doing long distance and have now been reunited for almost 3 months. We moved to Canada so that we could be together but since we got here I just feel like we're drifting further and further apart. He tells me he loves me everyday but his actions just don't follow up on his words. All his work friends were at our house til the small hours of last night and he just completely ignored me the entire time, despite the fact that he claims he can't stand them. When I asked him why he can't show me that he loves me, he said that's just how he is and I can either deal with it or not. I thought coming here would be a fresh start for us but I've just been miserable for the last 3 months. At least when we did long distance he made an effort. Now it just feels like we're in a very one sided relationship. Honestly I just want to go home because I feel like I'm wasting my time here. I know that relationships are hard work and compromise, but surely it shouldn't be THIS hard and there should be compromises made by both parties. I'm probably just a miserable git who is reading too much into things, but I guess I just need to vent...

To clarify, I'm by no means saying that I want him to buy me flowers or jewelry or take me out for dinner. It would just be nice to have a conversation where he does more than give one word answers all the time.

desbrook

ukulayla wrote: »

This is probably going to sound completely childish and pathetically spoiled of me, but I just don't feel loved by my boyfriend. We've been together almost a year and have travelled the world together. We spent 6 months doing long distance and have now been reunited for almost 3 months. We moved to Canada so that we could be together but since we got here I just feel like we're drifting further and further apart. He tells me he loves me everyday but his actions just don't follow up on his words. All his work friends were at our house til the small hours of last night and he just completely ignored me the entire time, despite the fact that he claims he can't stand them. When I asked him why he can't show me that he loves me, he said that's just how he is and I can either deal with it or not. I thought coming here would be a fresh start for us but I've just been miserable for the last 3 months. At least when we did long distance he made an effort. Now it just feels like we're in a very one sided relationship. Honestly I just want to go home because I feel like I'm wasting my time here. I know that relationships are hard work and compromise, but surely it shouldn't be THIS hard and there should be compromises made by both parties. I'm probably just a miserable git who is reading too much into things, but I guess I just need to vent...

To clarify, I'm by no means saying that I want him to buy me flowers or jewelry or take me out for dinner. It would just be nice to have a conversation where he does more than give one word answers all the time.

Quite simply you want something he can't or won't give you. What we think is kind of irrelevant but lets just say there's nothing in the world wrong with romance and there are lots of suitable guys who would love to be affectionate with you. Stop putting yourself down, finish it . In time you'll discover there are guys more in tune with you.

LegacyUser

Your together less than a year, have travelled the world together, yet spent 6 months apart? Is that right? So have you only actually spent 3 months in a close relationship with him? I'm confused. Apologies if i've missed something, but 3 months is a relatively short time, maybe he doesn't love you yet?

December2012

Relationships are not supposed to be hard work!

The difference is that at times the parties involved need to work at it.

He says take it or leave it - you have your answer there.

ShaShaBear

To be honest, it sounds as though you are spending too much time together, which isn't giving him the opportunity to miss you.

I had a boyfriend just like this (although he actually only told me he loved me three times during our year-long relationship) who seemed to begrudge me normal couple behaviour when we were spending time together, but if circumstances forced us to be apart for a while, he'd seem more than enthusiastic to stay in touch and meet up as soon as I got back. At one point during the bad snows here, he had to stay in my college house for over a week, and he was almost like a stranger - just sat on his laptop most of the night and tried to spend as often as possible in college with people that supposedly got on his nerves. However, when I went home for Christmas for almost three weeks, he text and rang every day, and made sure he stayed for a few nights as soon as I got back. Within a week, he became disinterested.

As it turned out, from the little he told me and the lot his sister told me (and the little bit I was unfortunate enough to see when he thought he had hidden it), he was not over his ex, who absolutely broke his heart, shattered his self-confidence and made him a complete emotional introvert.

Ironically, he's living in Canada now with his girlfriend

Perhaps, if you have made some friends, you could organise to spend a day or two a week in a friend's house to spend some time apart? If you did long distance for 6 months, then 6 months of being a couple isn't really adequate enough for two people to realise they can cohabit successfully without issue.

ukulayla

Hauh????? wrote: »

Your together less than a year, have travelled the world together, yet spent 6 months apart? Is that right? So have you only actually spent 3 months in a close relationship with him? I'm confused. Apologies if i've missed something, but 3 months is a relatively short time, maybe he doesn't love you yet?

We met while working together abroad and traveled home together from new Zealand. He's from the UK so we were able to fly over and back to see each other every 3 to 4 weeks. We were very close from the beginning because we were friends for a year before we got together.

ukulayla

Hauh????? wrote: »

Your together less than a year, have travelled the world together, yet spent 6 months apart? Is that right? So have you only actually spent 3 months in a close relationship with him? I'm confused. Apologies if i've missed something, but 3 months is a relatively short time, maybe he doesn't love you yet?

We met while working together abroad and traveled home together from new Zealand. He's from the UK so we were able to fly over and back to see each other every 3 to 4 weeks. We were very close from the beginning because we were friends for a year before we got together.

ukulayla

Thanks everyone, I think a little time apart, though due to work we barely see each other as it is, might be for the best. Maybe we just need to remember why we came here in the first place to be together. He is a really good guy and since I spoke to him the other night, he really has been trying.

Merkin

ukulayla wrote: »

To clarify, I'm by no means saying that I want him to buy me flowers or jewelry or take me out for dinner. It would just be nice to have a conversation where he does more than give one word answers all the time.

I'd be taking this as a massive hint that he simply doesn't want to be with me. Have you told him that you are thinking of packing up and going home?

JenEffy

Ye haven't been together very long. It shouldn't be such hard work at that stage of the relationship. The only advice I'd give is to talk to him about it. Maybe even write out what you wrote here and give it to him, if you'd find it hard to talk about it.