Long distance relationship...it's so hard

LegacyUser

I really miss my gf.
Both in our 20's.
We've been together 2 years and this is the first summer we're doing the LD thing. though she will be back in late Sep, it seems so far away.

I don't know, I'm starting to fall into the trap of looking into things too much. Like this week she hasn't really replied to any of my emails, but will take the time to "like" the odd thing I'd post on facebook or play her turn in "words with friends". I'm probably sounding bitchy and unreasonable but, I'm very good at replying to her emails, fb messages, being online at our arranged time for skype etc and just wish she'd do a bit more than what she's doing. It just feels like I care more than she does

I don't know, I'm trying to keep busy for the summer to keep my mind off things but there's still always this pain of missing her and being paranoid that she doesn't love me anymore.

I know the only thing to do is to talk to her about what I've just typed, but knowing her there's a high chance she'd flip out/get upset/or end the skype session early again...and that would just make me even more neurotic than I'm already being.

meeeeh

I think she is busier than you are. It happens when somebody is traveling or is even busy at work. It can be hard though. I've been on both sides so I can understand how you feel but at least it is only till September.

December2012

Would it help if you approached it a different way?

Like, don't give out to her, but explain how it feels and you wish you were able to talk at your pre arranged times? Maybe she needs more flexibility with those times, eg if she has an unpredictable commute or a packed work day.

Maybe you could do it on different times?

Allow for her to be busy, just reiterate that you miss her. And reinforce that while you love the liking on Facebook, the playing games online, that you still need to see her pretty face?

judgefudge

I was in a ldr for a long time, and I know how hard it is. What makes it harder is usually being the person who needs more contact. Which is the case here it seems.

The only option really is to tell her, she's not a mind reader. And if she flips out at you for telling her how you feel then she seriously needs to grow up.

And don't worry, September is very close!

zl1whqvjs75cdy

How far apart are you two. I'm guessing she's in the states? What constitutes a ldr now a days anyway? One potentially looms on the horizon for me ( Dublin to Derry)

Ravelleman

From my experience, availability is the key to long distance relationships. That means committing to sharing information about what you're doing, who you're with etc., as well as making time to speak to one another. If there's a problem then you should say it.

Speaking on the phone or particularly Skype all the time can be a big burden. One strategy to ease it is to speak for a while, then watch an episode of a TV show together with the cameras and microphones on. That way you can have a chat then share an experience together. You get the comfort of the other person's presence and you have something to talk about without having to give them your full attention.

Anyway, I found that to be an excellent way to make the distance feel less and thankfully survived the year apart (albeit with lots of visits).

Merkin

meeeeh wrote: »

I think she is busier than you are

This. You're involved in your usual routine whatever that may be (but without her for company) and she is off on an adventure and experiencing new things while not having a set routine as such. I also presume there is a time difference as well? Don't be too hard on her, she will be home soon and if she isn't online as much as you are it is only because she doesn't have as much time on her hands.

LDRs are very hard but I definitely wouldn't say anything to her. It's hard to resolve conflict from afar so If I was you I would fill my time until September with everything imaginable. Are you working a summer job? Are you involved in a sport? Can you round up a few lads for a roadtrip for a few days?

Keep busy and don't sit around pining for her. Arrange specific "date evenings" for Skype or Facetime (pour yourselves a glass of wine and really spend some quality time having a chat) but just understand that it is only for a few more weeks and she'll be back in your arms sooner rather than later. Sounds like she's just a bit caught up in the excitement of it all, doesn't mean she doesn't love you any less.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here.

Just wanted to say thanks a million for all of your advice and support, it's really appreciated and won't be forgotten!

Thank you so much