Seeking advice on tracing....next steps.

cabogirl

Hi everyone, I have been following this forum for some time and it inspired me to take some steps to seek out information about my origins. I was adopted in 1985 and the agency St Mura's / Nazareth House dealt with my adoption. I don't feel like something is missing in my life because of my adoption, I am not strongly seeking to meet my birth mother. I would like to know my birth name, where I was born and would like to know if she went on to get married, have children, have a happy life. I would like her to know that if she wants to know about me I can provide that information because I would love her to know I have a great life. I wrote to the agency and sought my non identifying info (NII) and included a list of questions that they did not answer. They sent me a sheet with my NII and said I am welcome to call them. I don't want to meet them or call them and in any case I live in Dublin and it's not convenient. The NII did not have my birth name or where I was born. I have been through the register for births for 1985 and have a list of 14 names of babies born on my DOB to unmarried mothers. I am not sure what I should do next. In terms of the register, should I get copies of those 14 birth certs and narrow down by mother's age? My NII says she was 18. What if I am still left with lots of names? In terms of the agency what should I do? Is it reasonable to expect all information sharing and communication to be in writing? Has anyone experienced dealing with St Mura's? My other query is would it be common for babies born in Northern Ireland to be adopted in Republic? I am conscious that Donegal is on the border so maybe I am not even registered here.

I hope this essay of a first post is understandable.....many of you are so experienced and knowledgeable I would love to hear back. I have read the tracing guides but feel a bit stuck at the minute.

TIA.

kitty171184

Hi, i just came across your post there. My partner is in the same boat as you, but his next step is looking through records. Where did you do this, the gro? If so what's the steps involved as he has no idea.

cabogirl

kitty171184 wrote: »

Hi, i just came across your post there. My partner is in the same boat as you, but his next step is looking through records. Where did you do this, the gro? If so what's the steps involved as he has no idea.

Yes Kitty I went to the GRO and got the books for my year of birth. There were about 4 for my year. The entries are listed alphabetically. I literally went through them line by line and made a note of the detail for each entry that was female, my DOB and had an unmarried mother. You can tell if it was an unmarried mother because the baby name and the mothers maiden name will be the same. It took me two days by myself, I would advise bringing someone to help! I followed the trace guide which is a sticky on this forum.

kitty171184

ok, but you actually did find what you were looking for. Do we need an appointment. Also, did were you able to get your actual birth cert?

Derrindaffderg

kitty171184 wrote: »

ok, but you actually did find what you were looking for. Do we need an appointment. Also, did were you able to get your actual birth cert?

You don't need an appointment for the GRO. It's open to the public Mon-Fri 9.30am - 4.30pm and through lunch. Bring someone with you to help you. It cuts the work in half and also means your not alone in what can be a daunting task.You dont actually get a legal document Birth Certificate from the GRO. They will give you a photocopy of the entry in the Registrars book for €2.00 once you have located what you are looking for in their index books. The data on this photocopy is exactly the same as what will be on a Birth Certificate.

If you wish to order a full proper birth cert at a later stage you can do it online here http://www.hse.ie/lifeevents/ but you will have to have done all your research by this stage as you need to KNOW the details to order one.

I have used the GRO offices to trace my own birth mother and to do genealogical research for both my birth/adoptive families so if I can be of any assistance ask away.

twiggy83

hi
i am looking for my sister born in 1985?? on 7th of may? Just wondering i cant see your D.O.B.?

kitty171184

Thanks a million. I'll let u know how we get on. Did you find your birth mother or her name?

Derrindaffderg

kitty171184 wrote: »

Thanks a million. I'll let u know how we get on. Did you find your birth mother or her name?

I found her name. I was actually aware by that stage she had passed away. I made contact with her sister, my Aunt and it has been a very rewarding experience.

Wittner

@Kitty171184
"They sent me a sheet with my NII and said I am welcome to call them"

Hi Kitty. To properly find your birth cert you should really have the location where you were born. It is also recommended to search a few years either side of your birth year. The records are notoriously (and in my own experience) inaccurate and may contain erroneous information (in my case a completely incorrect name and surname of mother on both adoption papers and Government official birth cert!).

So, my advice after that long winded intro is to call the people who gave you the NII (even though you don't want to). They might well offer more information when you speak to them 'face to face' over the phone. They might even give you a first name for your mother. I strongly advise that you build up a relationship with whoever is looking after your case in the agency. Even with this info you might not find your birth cert, so get all the information you can. Don't get angry (like I sometimes did), don't get frustrated (even if you are!) *but* be quietly persistent if you really want to find the information. Even with the wrong birth mother name and surname and conflicting age information myself and my wife managed to track her birth mother down. It took 3 years end to end and a lot of that was spent searching for completely the wrong personal information about her.

I have been angry with social workers (the people who help you with the tracing process) but this is not an exact science and now I realise that you need to be calm to get what you want.

Best of luck with your search

cabogirl

twiggy83 wrote: »

hi
i am looking for my sister born in 1985?? on 7th of may? Just wondering i cant see your D.O.B.?

Hi Twiggy83, that's not my DOB!

thejohnlad

How're ye cabogirl,

You sound very similar to myself in relation to how you feel about your adoption and what you want and don't want. I started before Christmas two years ago by writing to St. Patricks Guild where I was adopted from, who by all accounts, including my own and my biological mothers, are a complete set of lying b***ards. I had no issues from being adopted and I didn't particularly want to trace but I had an interest in having information that should be mine to have. All I ever did want was to let my biological mother know I was a really happy person with a great life and family and to thank her for giving me life. if she had negative feelings over the years id like to ease her mind somewhat if I could. if she forgot about me or wanted to forget I wouldn't have minded at all. Like yourself I didn't want to meet or speak to anyone from the agency, I just wanted my non-identifying info. Anyway, im not going to bore ye with my life story. I just wanted you to know that it does work. In answer to your question, yeah get the 14 birthcerts. Obviously I don't know what NII you have but I assume there will be something more to go on for you than her age, even if this is not apparent to you right now. Of course, the 14 will become smaller from the age alone. Lets say you have five potential berth certs with an unmarried mother aged 18. These birth certs have little bits of info like address and occupation of parents. This may or may not give you some sort of a link with your NII. Either way , you can work backwards with your remaining birthcerts by returning to the GRO. You can get marriage certificates if they exist for each of your list and you can get their own birthcerts. By finding this papertrail you should hopefully able to narrow your search to one using your NII and the info contained on your potential list's papertrail. It sounds like it is a lot of work and im sure it can be. I was lucky in that I found my birthcert in one day doing this and on the same day I had found my biological mothers life online. I found photos of her kids who look like me(but less handsome!) I cant guarantee you will find your birthcert this way but I can guarantee that unless you have changed your mind since posting you are not at a stage to call the agency as you have not come close to hitting the wall yet. I'm really happy that myself and my wife found what was mine to know without having to interact with the agency on their tune. If we weren't successful i'm sure I would have gone to the agency eventually. If you do end up needing to speak with the agency then I have no doubt that the advice offered by Wittner on how to carry yourself is very sound. Wittner is also spot on re the inaccuracies. I hope this was of some use to you and wish you all the luck with your search

The_Conductor

I'm not sure that I'd do exactly as 'theladjohn' has suggested- but it is very definitely a possible course of action. You may have to build entire family trees- I wish I could show you pictures of the walls here covered in Excel Spreadsheets- detailing family trees. I'm not going to identify anyone- but tracking down someone with a name as common as 'Mick Kelly' without even knowing what county they're from, is very do-able.

Facebook, Google+ and other social media sites- are wonderful ways of tracking down siblings- I've never met any of mine- but I've probably seen more photos of them than they have themselves- from publicly shared photo albums.

The Adoption Ireland traceguide that we host here, is an excellent roadmap to find information- but that said- every journey is unique- some are very straight forward- others, nigh impossible. Some can be done in days or weeks- others take years.

The guys here are very knowledgeable and have good information to impart- so if you have any questions at all- shoot.