OH has multiple online dating profiles

Arcanis

I recently discovered that my OH has been involved in conversations of a sexual nature with other guys via dating sites and apps for the last 4-5 months.
We have been together for 3 years.
We have talked about it since their discovery but I don't know how to proceed from here.
Also over the last few months there have been times when seeing eachother has been a problem (going to cinema alone, sudden changes of plans, being unavailable).
Does anybody have experience with anything similar?

minniegirl

if this has happened already you can be sure it has in the past and will again...

my ex was like this and had many profiles on many sites.....

the last one wnet as far as swapping numbers and and texting and calling....

desbrook

I'll admit that I don't have direct personal experience of this form of cheating . I'm guessing it makes you uneasy reading that expression- "form of cheating " . Sorry but in my and most peoples view that's what it is .

Reading you post I sense you are in denial - certainly after you discovered the messages and gave him a chance . He probably told you they meant nothing etc . You may even be hoping that there is an innocent explanation for him going missing etc. recently therefore backing up the your hope that the messages were totally separate and he's genuine .

Really sorry OP but he wasn't faithful then and to me that would be all that matters .

Arcanis

desbrook wrote: »

I'll admit that I don't have direct personal experience of this form of cheating . I'm guessing it makes you uneasy reading that expression- "form of cheating " . Sorry but in my and most peoples view that's what it is .

Reading you post I sense you are in denial - certainly after you discovered the messages and gave him a chance . He probably told you they meant nothing etc . You may even be hoping that there is an innocent explanation for him going missing etc. recently therefore backing up the your hope that the messages were totally separate and he's genuine .

Really sorry OP but he wasn't faithful then and to me that would be all that matters .

Hey desbrook, thanks for your reply. What you're saying makes sense, however I'm not in denial. I'm totally in touch with the gravity of what's happened.
BTW What makes you think that my OH is a guy?

Arcanis

minniegirl wrote: »

if this has happened already you can be sure it has in the past and will again...

my ex was like this and had many profiles on many sites.....

the last one wnet as far as swapping numbers and and texting and calling....

Sorry to hear that you had a similar experience to mine, minniegirl.
I can relate to most of what you're saying.

m'lady

If she's doing this then she is obviously on the lookout for someone else OP, she has no respect for you at all, so why are you still with her?

judgefudge

If she has kept it strictly as an online form of cheating, then it sounds to me like she wants attention. Whether she's getting enough in your relationship or not is not for me to say. She may not be, or else she could be an attention whore.

Are you young, or first relationship? Could she be getting bored after 3 years together? Do you keep it interesting?

Not excusing what she has done, just trying to see what the possible reasons may be.

It's up to you to decide whether you view this as an insurmountable betrayal of your relationship, or something you could work on? Personally I don't think I'd get past it, but then I'm not in your position so I can't say.

I hope you're ok.

minniegirl

what i ment to say is that i have had experience in this before...wether it be guy or girl doing this to you it will happen again...the first time my ex did this it was on a dating site we met on and he kept his profile...when i found out he told me that it was the only way he could keep in touch with one of his friends back home......the second time i found out was when he tried to make a date with a local girl and the last time it went from on line to swapping numbers.....

if someone is going to be using dating sites and what not then something is very wrong especially if they are in a good relationship.....

learned this the hard way

strobe

Arcanis wrote: »

I recently discovered that my OH has been involved in conversations of a sexual nature with other guys via dating sites and apps for the last 4-5 months.
We have been together for 3 years.
We have talked about it since their discovery but I don't know how to proceed from here.
Also over the last few months there have been times when seeing eachother has been a problem (going to cinema alone, sudden changes of plans, being unavailable).
Does anybody have experience with anything similar?

What did she say when you confronted her over the 4-5 months of the dating site stuff?

Arcanis

strobe wrote: »

What did she say when you confronted her over the 4-5 months of the dating site stuff?

That it was loneliness because I'm not around as much this summer due to work ( we live together during the academic year).
My OH is in full time employment and I'm a mature student.
OH has huge issues with opening up emotionally whereas I'm very in tune with mine. I think that this is a symptom of that closed nature.

Magicmatilda

This happened to me with my ex. I accepted, but never believed his excuse if boredom. So I gave it another go but the trust was gone and I ended up invading his privacy on one occasion ( knowing it was over purely through that action, I don't want to be in a relationship where im going through emails! ) I was really looking for proof and I got it. He had been sleeping with several women through our whole relationship.

I ended it immediately and I haven't looked back. Best thing I ever did.