My Boyfriend has no friends

LegacyUser

Hi,

Is it weird that my boyfriend doesn't really have any friends? I find it kind of odd.

He has two female friends who he would hang out with every now and then. There would be guys that he would talk to, or do stuff with if theres a good reason, but never just to hang out.

He said that it was because his old friends were going down the wrong path (drugs and stuff) and he went off from them. Then when he went to College he was working 40 hours a week while and making sure he got a first class degree so he didnt really have time to make new friends.

It doesn't really bother me, because it doesnt make him overly clingy or anything. . . and he is very social. . . he seems to get on with everyone he meets (my friends and their boyfriends) but just doesn't seem to become good friends with anyone...

But then when I notice that he hasnt really got friends it just seems weird. Hes 21 by the way...

Captain Chaos

I'm the same, I'm 27 and I don't have any friends either. People would call me friendly and social and have a good laugh with everyone but I just don't latch onto people. I just go about life and do my own thing. The people I used to hang out with years ago, we just had nothing in common anymore, nothing to talk about and just drifted. I just find it a chore to keep in contact with people and don't like people getting close to me so I keep a wall up yet I'm still happy in myself. Some people are just different.

judgefudge

As long as it doesn't bother either of you and he's not clingy, I don't see the issue?

I think a lot of people are in that position in their early twenties, especially after college and with so many people going abroad lots of people are left at a loose end.

But if he's happy and you're happy I wouldn't stress over it.

Beruthiel

WhatsUpWithThatBFff wrote: »

He has two female friends who he would hang out with every now and then.

Two good friends are better that 30 acquaintances.

He said that it was because his old friends were going down the wrong path (drugs and stuff) and he went off from them. Then when he went to College he was working 40 hours a week while and making sure he got a first class degree so he didnt really have time to make new friends.

That's a perfectly reasonable explanation and I can well understand it.

Over the course of my lifetime, as I changed and moved around, my friendship base fluctuated. That's a normal and natural process imo.

He's been very busy.
He's clearly working on improving his life for the future. That's his priority for now.
Admirable in a young lad I would have thought.

Removing himself from the company of people who could have potentially dragged him down the wrong path was a wise and brave move.

If this is the only thing you have to complain about with regards to him, then it's a non issue.

Merkin

I think there is too much emphasis on "collecting" friends. If your boyfriend doesn't have many then maybe he's just been really open and honest to you about being happy with having a group of acquaintances to do stuff with but doesn't wish to forge deeper friendships.

I'm in my 30s now but in my 20s/early 30s I had a massive circle of friends all over the place. As I moved into my 30s I knew who my real friends were and aside from my family/siblings I have 3/4 really good friends who I can rely on through thick and thin. They're the ones that really matter. I still have any number of people I could call up for lunch or to hang out at any time but I know who has been loyal and supportive through the years. I also enjoy my own company too so I enjoy doing stuff by myself and don't feel the need to constantly surround myself with people to show everyone how popular I am. I think girls do that more and your boyfriend has nothing to prove - he has been quite candid with you.

He obviously can foster interpersonal relationships (he's your boyfriend after all), but how is his relationship with his family for example? If this is normal and healthy I wouldn't worry. If he is estranged from them or doesn't see them the I would be a little concerned but otherwise I don't think you've anything to worry about. He sounds like a self-contained and confident young man who doesn't feel compelled to follow the herd, that's a good thing.

Toast4532

I would be similar to your bf OP, I myself don't have many friends and prefer it that way. I have one good friend that I talk to all the time and I'm content with that.

I like my own company and while I get on with others and am well able to interact etc. I just prefer having fewer friends than a big group of friends. I know that might seem weird/strange to others, but its just how I am and what I prefer.

I don't need or want to be part of a big group just to give the impression that I am popular or that I have loads of friends etc.

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy who has maturity.
He told you that he dropped a group of friends in the past as they were going down the wrong path. He also told you that he worked long hours in college to get good exam results.
Some people just don't have a lot of friends and with the way things are at the moment a having a large group of friends at 18 does not mean you will have them at 22/23.

From what you told us your boyfriend make an efforts when he meets your friends and there boyfriends and is social.
If you told us he makes no effort with your friends and will only talk about a subject he is interested in which bores everyone else I would say that long term I don't think your relationship would work.

Voltex

You can be alone, yet not lonely.

Kintarō Hattori

I can't see why you're really concerned about this OP. You've stated that he's friendly and sociable with your friends. Life and people are complicated and we don't all fall out of the same mould.

I think I'd be much like your boyfriend. I'm incredibly easy going and get on with 99% of people that I meet. I love to talk and meet people but I wouldn't have any 'close' friends as such. I get up at 6:30am for work and home at 7:30pm where my attention is given over to my missus. At the weekend I enjoy the peace and quiet that I have while the missus is in work.

Friends and family have moved all over the world but I find it a chore to keep in touch with them. Unless someone is in my life fairly regularly I tend not to keep in close contact- it's just hassle and I'd tend to be a little forgetful anyway.

Just appreciate him for who he is. If he's attentive and loving and this is the only real 'negative' as such forget about it. The time he'd spend with friends is time he has to spend with you.

LegacyUser

Why would you care too much? If you get on well then who cares?

My Boyfriend didn't really have any friends when I started going out with him even though I would have a group of friends. I never questioned him or made any kind of big deal about it.
He hasn't got any strange personality traits, we get on great, have a laugh and he treats me really well, so why would I give a crap if he drifted away from his childhood friends as he got older and started doing his own thing?

He's very sociable and my family and friends love him. That's enough for me!

shane9689

haha for a second i freaked out that this post was about me! but im 20.....in the exact same situation as your boyfriend...and trust me, this shouldnt reflect badly a all, you shouldnt see it that way...guys are different than girls when it comes to friends, we tend to do our own thing...i spent the past year finding myself, its only recently ive gotten in touch with any old friends

its natural, happens to everyone at one stage or another, hell make friends again eventually, he sounds social, he might just not be in a position to meet new people, thats all.

freshpopcorn

Well he does have two female friends to begin with and some guys who he does stuff with.
A lot guy in my experience often have people who they get on with or they might go for a pint with but you wouldn't consider them best friends.
I am also a pretty sociable guy and I like to do stuff with my male and female friends.One thing I did notice was my female friends like to meet up a lot more to do stuff with them than my male friends and I am not really into this.
This could be the problem here. Your idea of a friend is different to your boyfriends idea of what a friend is.
I say you have nothing to worry about the guy seems happy and he does have friends.